Elf Page #6

The idea of hiring another writer?

Yeah.

Miles finch.

I like it. Chuckles

I like it.

Then I traveled through the seven levels

Of the candy cane forest

And past the sea of swirly-twirly gumdrops.

[Gasps] Ooh!

Wow... it's sucky.

Ohh, it's wonderful. Yes!

That is marvelous how that...

Oh! [Laughs]

Oh, it's very sucky.

It's very... sucky.

Whoo.

So, how'd you get here?

Work release.

Mm.

Oh, syrup and coffee?

Why didn't I think of that? Can I try some?

Be my guest.

Very generous of you.

Mmm. [Gasps] I love syrup.

Ohh, I love it.

Mmm...

You know, I know I sound like a broken record,

But we are buddies.

You're my best friend, that's it.

You're my best friend.

You know, buddy, nobody around here listens to me.

I got really good ideas. Yeah? I believe it.

I know, I'm right, I listen to you.

You have great ideas.

I just try to go with the flow, you know?

Good, you go with the flow.

Yeah. Go with the flow.

No, I gotta get out of the flow.

Well, then get out of the flow.

I'm in the flow, that's what got me here.

I gotta... I'm 26 years old, I got nothing to show for it.

You're young. You're so young.

[Sighs]

My papa... yeah?

He didn't make master tinker till he was 490,so...

[Laughing]

Four-hundred and ninety? Yeah.

[Laughing]

Tickle fight! Tickle fight!

Tickle fight! Tickle fight!

My favorite book of yours has gotta be Gus' pickles.

It's existential, yet it's so accessible.

Uh, Mr. Finch, uh, Eugene Dupris here.

It's a thrill just to be talking to you

On our speakerphone.

Miles, um, so, what do you think?

Can you fly in tomorrow?

I'll give you five hours tomorrow,

Not a minute more.

Oh, that's... that's great.

I'd like a black s500to receive me at the airport.

I need the interior of that car

To be 71 degrees exactly.

We can do that. Deborah: Mr. Hobbs?

There's a situation downstairs.

[Finch:
] I'm sorry, what?

No, hold on, miles. Deb, hang up.

[Finch:
] I do not hold. Do not put me on hold.

[Deborah:
] We have a problem in the mailroom.

What's going on?

Don't speak... Deborah, hang up!

[Finch:
] That's it, I'm gone. Miles!

[Finch:
] I'll be there tomorrow... 71 degrees.

[Deborah:
] Sir, chuck in the mailroom

Needs to talk to you.

Chuck... what, chuck?

I mean, what could be going on down there

That's so important you had to interrupt me, what?

Whoomp, there it is! A little louder

Whoomp, there it is! Come on, y'all

Whoomp! There it is

Upside down and inside out hey!

I'm 'bout to show all you folks

What it's all about hey!

Time for me to get on the mike

And make this mother of a party hype

I'm taking you back to the old school

'cause I'm an old fool who's so cool

If you wanna get down, I'm gonna show you the way

Whoomp, there it is, let me hear you say

Whoomp, there it is! Come on, y'all

Whoomp! There it is a little louder

Whoomp, there it is! Come on, y'all

Whoomp, there it is!

[Door buzzer]

Coming.

[You make me feel so young playing]

Hi.

Wow.

You look miraculous.

So do you.

Thank you.

What would you like to do?

I got some ideas.

Just reach out in front of you and and take a sip.

Don't look. There you go.

Well?

It tastes like a crappy cup of coffee.

[Chuckles] No.

It is a crappy cup of coffee.

No, it's the world's best cup of coffee.

The trick is to not get your arm caught in the door!

Also, never close your eyes' cause then

Okay, when you feel comfortable, you just jump in!

[Laughing] what are you doing?

I'm skipping. I'm skipping. I'm skipping.

Wait, wait, wait... one more, one more.

Now, look at the size of this one.

Come with me.

Watch out. [Tires screech]

Yellow ones don't stop.

The yellow ones don't stop.

Wow... that's a big one.

I'm sorry.

You missed.

What do you mean I missed?

You missed.

[Elevator chimes]

Miles finch.

Miles finch.

Miles finch.

All right, let's do this.

Miles, I'm so happy you could come Uh...

Yeah.

I'm Walter Hobbs. Yeah, let's get the, uh...

Taken care of so we can get started here.

Here you go.

[Finch:
] Great.

All right... clears throat

What have you guys got so far?

Go ahead.

Uh...

We were thinking, uh, something like this, uh...

We open on a young tomato.

He's had some tough times down at the farm

With, you know, a rabbit, and...

No. No tomatoes...

Too vulnerable.

Kids, they're already vulnerable.

No, you see? I... I told you guys.

I told them the very same thing...

And no farms.

Every body's pushing small town rural.

A farm book would just be white noise.

What about this?

Uh, a tribe of asparagus children,

But they're self-conscious about the way their pee smells.

Apparently, all we have is vegetables.

I have no time, so, you know,

If you've got a story here...

I've got about five or six great starts here.

I've got one idea that I'm especially

Psyched out of my mind about.

You know, it's one of those ideas

Where you're just like, uh...

Yes!

Whoa! [Chuckling]

Uh, great, c-could we hear it?

I'll start with the cover. Picture this... you got, uh

Dad! I'm in love, I'm in love,

And I don't care who knows it!

Buddy, not now, uh,

Can you please go back to the... to the pit?

I'll come and visit you in a little while, okay?

I didn't know you had elves working here.

Oh... boy, you're... you're hilarious, my friend.

He doesn't, uh... get back to

The story, please. All right, okay.

[Clears throat]

So, on the cover above the title...

Does Santa know that you left the workshop?

You know, we're all laughing our heads off.

Did you have to borrow a reindeer to get down here?

Buddy... go back to the basement.

[Finch:
] Hey, jack weed,

I get more action in a week

Than you've had your entire life.

I've got houses in I.e., Paris, and Vail,

Oh. Each one of them

with a 70-inchplasma screen.

So, I suggest you wipe

That stupid smile off your face

Before I come over there and smack it off!

You feeling strong, my friend?!

Call me elf, one more time!

[Whispers] He's an angry elf.

[Growling] Look at you.

Ow! Hey, what...

Aah!

I wasn't ready for that.

Aah! Hey, hey, hey!

Hey, hey, hey! Whoa!

Ooh...

Call me elf, one more time!

Call me elf!

You're an elf.

[Glass shatters]

Miles, I'm sorry, he... he thinks he's an elf.

Listen, miles...

Listen, miles! Door slams

He must be a South Pole elf.

You get the hell outta here.

Where do you want me to go?

I don't care where you go.

I don't care that you're an elf!

I don't care that you're nuts!

I don't care that you're my son!

Get out of my life now!

[Emily:
] Hi, it's me.

I really can't talk right now.

Well, just tell me how the pitch went.

I'm gonna be a little later than I thought, okay?

Well, don't be too late, Walter,

It's Christmas Eve.

Walter... wait, um.

Honey, I gotta go, okay? Love ya.

Oh, say hi to buddy.

What? Walter, breakthrough.

We found this in the conference room.

What is it?

It's miles finch's notebook.

This thing is chock full of genius ideas.

I mean, look at that.

And his best idea is about a peach that lives on a farm.

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