Elsa & Fred Page #4

rosebud mouth like yours,

and it starts to turn wrinkly like this,

and your little b*obs... which are

not much to speak of, anyway...

when they to start to fall like full,

ripe plums from the tree,

well, that is when you understand

you're interested in dance lessons.

Hello.

- Is Fred home?

- He don't ever go no place.

Nice.

- Where?

- Oh, he's in his hidey-hole.

H.T.C. Unveiled the butterfly "S"

at a press conference in Taiwan today.

- The new flagship phone comes with a 5...

- What are you doing in front of the T.V.?

- It's a beautiful day.

- Hey!

And you have a beautiful

girl to take you out.

I'm not beautiful, but I make it work.

- I'm too tired. I'm too tired.

- Fred, you need to get some air.

You're not going to start with that

"tired old man" routine in this house, too.

- I changed my address, not my body.

- You need to change your head.

I smell hamburger.

- I don't.

- Well, that's because you're used to it.

I mean, look at you.

You even look like Ronald McDonald.

What's wrong with a colorful shirt?

There are certain things at our age,

that just don't work.

Trust me, I'm your doctor. The more you

stay in bed, the more tired you'll get.

Go to the park. There's a beautiful

park right around the corner.

Just mind your own business!

I'm just fine!

Let me be tired when I want to be tired.

Please.

Laverne...

I'm going out.

Oh, Fred.

Oh, come in. Step number one.

Yes, that's me when I was young.

Oh, yes, if you'd known me 50

years ago, you would believe it.

We looked quite a bit alike.

And I had blonde hair, and platinum.

Everyone mistook us for each other.

Of course, it drove my husband crazy.

Sometimes now, when I now try to picture

his face, I can't, and... have a seat.

- Thank you.

- I mean, 23 years

- and I can't remember his face.

- 23? I thought you said it was 27.

Oh, well, if you count the four years

before we were married, that makes 27.

Sometimes, I say 23.

Sometimes, I say 27.

- Sit down, Fred.

- Thank you.

So, I see you were grabbed by Anita.

At the Trevi fountain in Rome.

Who is this Anita? Is she a character

in the movie, or the actress?

This is Anita Ekberg, the actress.

La dolce vita.

Mastroianni, Fellini, you remember.

Oh, I've heard of it, but I

don't remember seeing it.

Well, it's the greatest

film of all time,

and I have always dreamed of

going to the Trevi fountain, but Max...

he'd never take me.

I tried to convince him,

but there was always so much

more work going on, and...

But my dream was, I would be Anita,

and he would be Marcello.

But I suppose it was

not meant to happen.

So, I suppose you

don't even know Picasso.

- The dress designer?

- No, the artist.

I know. It's just a

feeble attempt at humor.

- He painted a wonderful portrait of me.

- No.

Yes, he did. I was a young girl,

and he was very mature,

but we had... we had a platonic,

but passionate love.

What do you mean by that,

exactly, if I may ask?

Well, it means that there was a

really crazy attraction between us,

although we never did anything. Nothing.

And one day he grabbed this piece of paper,

and he painted my portrait,

and he said... I remember it

like it was yesterday... he said,

"this is better than intercourse"

and I said, "Pablo, yes."

- Still have it?

- Yes, of course. I have it in the safe.

But, I couldn't tell you where the keys

are now. I'll get it. I'll get them.

Well,

you certainly have

had an extraordinary life.

It's true. A beautiful woman

can have everything she wants.

Well, Fred, let me remind you,

that's not me.

Oh, I know that.

She doesn't look like you.

Well, I have pictures of myself,

if you don't believe me.

I believe you. I believe you.

You're just different, that's all.

So, Fred, tell me, what...

what have you gotten out of life?

Oh, 40 years of telecommunications,

a bum marriage,

a ball-breaking daughter,

who I'm fond of, occasionally,

one or two friends,

and that's my 80 years.

You're 80?

- You're... you're older than me.

- Really?

Well, that sentence

didn't come out right.

I'm 74. You're with a

younger woman. Yeah.

Tell me, with all your 80 years being

on this earth, how much did you laugh?

Very little.

Well, stick with me, Fred, and...

have a drink and try the pastries.

Why don't you play me something?

Well...

No, I asked you first. You play something

for me, then I'll play something for you.

You're going to have

to wait a long time.

Remember, baby steps.

You're ready for the second?

Oh, it's so beautiful!

Well, I don't see anything

out of the ordinary.

Children regurgitating their food.

Old people sitting around on benches,

waiting to pop their clogs.

Oh, come on. Tell me, did you and

your wife really hate each other?

Well, she was a good woman.

We had our misunderstandings.

And that's it?

Yeah, she was a good organizer.

She organized everything.

Were you happy?

I don't know. I never asked myself.

Well, you know, we were just normal,

- like other people.

- Unhappy.

I'm sorry, do you think we could change

the subject? I don't like talking about it.

- Okay.

- In fact, I'd like to go home.

Oh, right. You're tired.

No, I don't like parks.

They make me feel I'm

already in the cemetery.

I never took my daughter

when she was a kid.

- I never took a dog when I had a dog.

- Fine. We'll go back.

Come, come.

Why are you so grumpy?

Excuse me? I need some flowers here.

Will you give me a hand?

- Sure. Are they for a lady?

- Yeah.

- Perhaps she'd like some roses.

- I've no idea.

Oh. This is your first

time bringing her flowers?

- Yeah. This...

- Oh, those are lovely.

Yeah, I knew you'd be pissed.

Since it's been eight months and

I haven't come to see you once.

The more you got pissed,

the more I didn't come.

Anyway, I never leave the house.

Ask around.

I don't even go see anyone.

Not even live people.

Listen...

I wanted to ask you something.

Were we happy?

No. I know.

Just wanted to make sure.

You have got a show.

- Where did you get this?

- Don't ask. And not a word to your brother.

Oh, no floral shirt today.

- It was striped.

- Yeah, same difference.

You're right. It's the same.

At this point, nothing makes a difference.

I'm resigned to the fact

that we no longer have a...

value in this life. It's time to

wave the white flag, old friend.

You know, you could use

a caregiver. Laverne.

She has very little left here to do.

And I feel bad. She needs the work.

Oh, keep her close, Fred.

You'll need her. Oh, you'll need her.

Why are you so negative?

What's a matter with you?

I stupidly fell in love.

Oh, I am so sorry. Who's the woman?

Impossible.

- Well, of course it's impossible.

- Give me that.

Old women are old,

young girls are young,

and we... we're just trash.

Trash, yeah. Just like your coffee.

Fred, are you ready for step number three?

I'm sorry. You have company.

Oh, this is my friend, John.

Elsa, my neighbor.

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