Elsa & Fred Page #5

- I was just leaving.

- Oh, you don't have to.

No, step number three can wait.

John. It's a real pleasure to meet you.

- Pleasure's mine.

- I know. Have a nice night.

You old dog!

What's all this about a third step?

- Oh, it's nothing. It's just a game.

- A game? How cute. What sort of game?

Well, there's nothing to tell, really.

Actually, it's a long story.

I lent her some money and

she wanted to thank me.

The fact that even you have a love life,

gives me hope for my future.

Love life? Are you crazy?

And what do you mean by "even you"?

Why can't I have a love life?

See? Congratulations.

- She seems a considerable woman.

- Well, why don't you consider her then?

- Go ahead.

- I might just do that.

I wouldn't recommend it.

She's a woman with issues.

All women have issues.

What kind of issues?

She supports her widowed,

unemployed son with five children,

she's a little unhinged. But go ahead,

you'll see for yourself.

You're jealous. I've never seen

you like this, in all these years.

So I'm supposed to trust you. Blindly.

Where are you taking me?

What is this third step?

Do you trust me or not?

You don't have to do a thing. I will

take care of everything. It's all right.

Hello! So, I'm not single anymore.

We're here to try out first a lesson.

- You have to sign this.

- Thank you.

Now, Fred...

Sign it? Are you completely insane?

- I'm not doing that.

- No, look... look...

No, no. I'm not going in there.

No, look, Fred.

It's wonderful. Give it a chance.

- If you don't like it...

- You're out of your mind, woman.

Fred, you don't have

to learn this dance.

There's so many that you would enjoy doing.

If you don't like it, then we can leave.

Elsa, good-bye. I don't want to

have anything to do with you.

Oh, God.

- Why are old people always so pissed off?

- I don't know. Who's pissed off?

- Other than you?

- I'm not.

No. Yeah, I guess you're right.

I'm pissed off.

- And then there's Mom and Dad, too.

- And why are they pissed off?

Well, Dad, because he doesn't have the money

for the remote-controlled glasses store.

- And Mom?

- Well, Mom...

Mom is pissed off at everything.

She yells all the time.

Sometimes, I want to strangle her.

Yeah, well, you can't now.

You've got to wait to get your revenge

when she's old.

She's doing that to me now.

Why does she want revenge?

Well, I don't know if I was a good dad.

I don't think I was.

Well, you're a good grandpa though.

Armande...

- What have you gone and done?

- I fell off a ladder.

- Armande! What the hell?

- I know. It's, like, two months like this.

Who's going to help me?

I've got to find somebody.

Oh, I've got an idea.

- You looking at me?

- Yeah.

- What's Lydia going to say?

- Do we care?

Now, you go on, dear.

- No, mother...

- No, I'll catch a cab. It's fine.

Excuse me.

Hi, Elsa. Thank you, Will.

Are we doing our homework, Elsa?

Doing our homework.

But Wednesday night,

I forgot to take my green pill.

- And why is that?

- I was busy doing other things.

It's just the beginning, but I think...

- Well, maybe it's friendship.

- You think?

But I never did understand when

friendship ends and love begins.

But, in my opinion, if it's love...

It's so much so swift!

And then you... and then you

tell yourself it's friendship.

You know what? I'll keep that in mind.

Oh, well, you have plenty

of time to screw it up.

You know, I, on the other hand...

- You're not that sick, Elsa.

- Oh, no, don't lie to me, doctor.

I saw the test results.

I could hardly make it

over here, by myself.

Marcello...

Marcello...

Marcello, come here.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I got carried away.

I should never have taken

you to that dance school.

I just didn't respect your pace. But...

to show you I'm sorry, I'd like to invite

you to the finest restaurant in town.

I have no intention of accepting.

Oh, you're still mad. All right.

Then, let me see,

I'll say I'm sorry again,

and we'll turn back time,

and we'll go back to step two.

I don't need you to

teach me how to walk.

You made me look ridiculous at that

place in front of all those mad cretins.

Fred, you left me there.

You left me standing there like a fool.

- You really offended me.

- Oh, you're angry and offended?

I was just trying to help

you do something new.

- Thank you for helping the poor imbecile.

- No, you asked me for help.

I would have asked anyone with a pair

of hands to come and turn off a tap,

which some moron had hidden in

the most obscure place possible!

Anybody? Anyone? Fred, I...

I cared about you from the first minute.

And I am really sorry

that you don't see that.

Elsa? Elsa?

Don't let's fight anymore.

It's all I've ever done my whole life.

I'm sorry. I'm just a crazy old man.

I guess we're just two old fools.

You can say that again.

You go get dressed now and

I'll forget this ever happened.

How did you put up with him?

He's a very difficult man.

You have to take him with a...

Elsa? What are we? Me and you?

Ever since I met you...

my life is different. It's strange.

- Is it good strange or bad strange?

- Strange.

Fred, I don't want to get hurt.

And I've told you how I care about you.

I'm just wondering if

it's more than that.

I have such strong feelings.

- You sound like a teenager.

- I am a teenager.

Yes, you are.

A girl in the body of a woman.

- Yeah.

- A very beautiful woman.

- So it's good strange.

- Oh, yes.

Do you think we have a future together?

Are you blushing?

I love this 80-year-old man

sitting across from me, blushing.

How could I not fall in love with you?

Thank you.

Would you like some coffee?

Cappuccino, perhaps?

- No. Just the check, please.

- Right away.

- What is it?

- My glycemia.

Do you have any idea what

it's like to be really sick?

Put your finger in it and enjoy it.

Do you know what Pablo said to me?

- Pablo who?

- Picasso, you know.

He said, "what you should do is mock death,

and then she will be afraid of you."

You're not afraid of death.

Fred, you're afraid of life. Finger.

Whenever you're ready.

- Well, to life.

- To life, Fred.

My God. They're robbing us blind.

Let me see it, Fred. I invited you

to dinner, so don't you worry.

- Enough money?

- They're robbing us blind.

Fred, this is what we're going to do.

On the count of three, we're going

to get up and we're going to leave.

- Are you mad?

- No, not at all.

Because they will never notice

two innocuous old people like us.

Ready? One... two..

- Elsa!

- Three! Go!

Have you seen the old couple

that were sitting at table five?

- Yes, they just left.

- They just... Oh, my God.

- Come on, Fred! Get in here!

- This is insane. I'm not doing this.

We are not paying $400 for

a dinner, Fred. Now, get in the car.

- Get in now!

- Elsa, this is not good for my health.

- Are we being followed, Fred?

- I don't know.

Everything is fine. Don't worry.

Did you really think we'd end up in prison?

- It stalled. This happens sometimes.

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