Elvis & Nixon Page #6

It wasn't just handed to me

by some sort of genetic lottery.

I wasn't born

looking like a Kennedy, you know.

But that's why guys like me are survivors.

Guys like this Elvis fellow...

No, underneath all that, they're weak.

They wither at the first sign of trouble.

They just crumble like a sand dune.

All right, let's bring him in.

Yes, sir.

Mr. Presley.

The President will see you now.

Mr. President.

Mr. Elvis Presley.

Well, Mr. Presley. It is a pleasure.

You know what that is? That's a moon rock.

Very proud to have that here

in the Oval Office.

That was given to me personally

by a great American, Mr. Buzz Aldrin.

You can lift the glass there

and pick it up if you like.

No, that's cool, man.

Buzz sent me one, too.

He did? Well, of course he did.

Mr. President. Put her right there!

Well, okay. Hello!

Why don't you have a seat.

Sure thing.

It's a great place you got here, huh?

Well, it's really the people's house.

I'm just a temporary guest, as they say.

That's right.

I was telling one of the gals outside

it reminds me of my Graceland.

It does, does it?

How many square feet

is this Graceland of yours?

Not sure. 10,000, maybe.

Well, that is a fine size for a home.

Isn't it? Well, I mean,

it's more than fine.

Of course,

the White House here is, I think,

about 55,000 feet.

- Something like that.

- Well, actually, I made a few additions,

so, maybe a little more than that.

But I don't think

it's the size of a man's home

that defines him. You know?

M&M's are my favorite.

Mine too.

So, Mr. Presley,

how can I help you?

Well, Mr. President, first of all

I want to tell you what an honor it is

to be in your presence.

You have a bottle opener?

Well, there should have been one.

Maybe you could run out

and get him one, Krogh.

Yes, Mr. President.

And get a Dr. Pepper for me too.

It's on its way.

F***!

So, I read your letter.

I wrote it on the plane.

I could tell.

Mr. President.

This is my little angel.

Lisa Marie. She's two years old.

Well, she is a beautiful little girl.

Yes, sir. She's my pride and joy.

And this is my beautiful wife, Cilla.

Well, she is very charming.

Mr. President.

- Bud.

- Mr. Presley.

- These M&Ms are great.

- Good to hear, Mr. Presley.

You got some good fellas

working for you, Mr. President.

My guys are outside.

Thank you.

So, as I really do need to be going

we should probably get to

what you want to...

These are some of my closest associates.

And contrary to what

you may have heard, Mr. President,

they are not part of any mafia.

That is just a crazy rumor

started by nasty journalists.

They love to make it up, don't they?

Last month, Look magazine

made up some cockamamie drivel

about how I broke into the Dean's office

while I was at Duke.

You know, you give a man enough money

and he'll say anything, you know.

They'll just ruin a man's reputation.

They don't give a good goddamn.

They just write what they want.

Hear, hear to that.

Everyone has a badge.

Mr. President, I've shown you these photos

because I am deeply concerned

about the direction

our great nation is taking.

Yes, of course.

Now, I'm gonna need

an autograph for my Julie.

That's your family there?

Those are some good looking kids.

Well, they really take after their mother.

Well, it takes two good lookin' folks to

make a good lookin' baby, Mr. President.

Are you...

You're saying, as a gentleman,

I'm good looking too?

Well, of course, Mr. President.

Everybody knows that.

Well, I...

Now, plainly speaking, sir,

I want to get people

to respect our country.

To respect our flag.

Because that's what's getting lost

in our nation.

It bothers me to see young people

burning flags and smoking dope.

And just because

I don't smoke dope or grow a beard

does that make me a straight? Or a square?

Because if it does, heck,

I'll take being a straight or a square

any day of the week.

The kids today are being brainwashed,

Mr. President.

It's what they are listenin' to

and what they are watchin'.

That's what's doing it to them.

Take that Woodstock for example.

What the heck was that?

I'll tell you what it was, it was an excuse

to get naked, get high

and roll around in the mud.

Well, I'm with you there.

Four, three, two, one...

Mr. President,

you have your meet and greet.

No, not right now. Thank you.

But it's with the delegation...

I said it's fine.

- But it's with the donors...

- I said it can wait.

And Krogh, make sure that we get a picture

with Mr. Presley and me.

Ollie's outside, he's ready for you.

No pictures.

Mr. Presley, it's standard for us.

I understand. But not today.

Now, if you don't mind...

F***! F***! F***!

- May I continue?

- By all means.

Thank you. I have it on very good authority

that many of the

so-called underground groups

have been infiltrated by communists.

Yes, sir.

And I find it downright anti-American.

Just like The Beatles.

The Beatles. Well, I don't like them.

They are anti-American,

possibly with communist leanings.

Well, just look at them.

Let's look at the facts, Mr. President.

After coming here

and making all that money,

they split back to England,

start saying all this anti-American stuff,

speaking against us in the press.

Well, some people think

they can say anything.

Specifically about our policies

in Southeast Asia, sir.

Did you know that?

I did not know that.

It was Lennon.

The kids think he's some kind of prophet.

And well... What I'm trying to say is, sir,

they may not actually be

in the employ of the communists,

but if encouraging revolution doesn't

sound like subversive propaganda,

- I don't know what is.

- Well, right. Yes.

See, I've been studying

communist brainwashing techniques

for over 10 years now.

And the drug culture, too, Mr. President.

And it's my belief that

if we don't do something

to handle this situation very quickly,

it could very easily get outta hand.

Well, you wanna know why the hell

the communists are so against drugs?

It's because they love to booze.

Especially the Russians. I've seen it.

You talk about "out of hand. "

And that's why communists

and the left-wingers

are clinging to one another,

because they're trying

to destroy us, Elvis.

I know, sir. Good, honest Americans.

They hate us.

They don't hate us, Elvis,

they hate what we stand for.

I mean, you and me, we rose from nothing.

My pa worked in a grocery store.

Your father was a sharecropper, yes?

A whole slew of things, sir.

Well, I think we were both somewhat loners.

And look where I am today.

And look where you are.

Well, a lefty sees that,

and instead of wanting to walk

in our footsteps,

why, they get jealous.

It brings all their failures up bubbling

right in front of their faces

and, well, so, of course

they react like caged animals.

Because that's what they are.

Just animals.

I know, sir.

And I want to help to stop it.

Well, I think that is just great.

Absolutely.

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