Entertainment Page #2

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and thrust them

into your fool faces.

So sit there and paste a smile

on your face and have some fun.

That's what it's all about,

folks, having fun,

forgetting your problems.

And you have a lot of problems,

I can tell.

Forget 'em just for a few

moments and just laugh with me.

We're gonna have so much fun.

This is a great

group of friends here,

my new friends here tonight,

huh?

Okay, perfect. Thank you.

Thanks for coming to the show.

Great show, by the way.

You are really hilarious.

Thank you.

I don't know

how to tell you this.

That hotel room didn't work out,

but I did talk to my cousin,

Alejandro,

and he said he'd

be willing to take you in.

You talkin' to me?

You talkin' to me?

You talkin' to me?

- Robert De Niro!

- Yeah.

- Fly, you pelican, fly!

- Um, Scarface.

- Yeah, Scarface.

- Now, you go.

He wants you

to do an impression.

No.

Hi.

Hello?

They pulled gold out of here.

They pulled silver,

tungsten,

nickel,

copper.

Everything comes either directly

or indirectly from the soil,

as you can look around you,

there certainly is plenty of it.

Hi, sweetheart.

Uh, this is just really

difficult to get a hold of you.

I just had to call

and tell you...

Sweet dreams.

If nature was gonna grow

an orange, Neil,

she would just make it

just enough meat,

that's what we call this,

just to fertilize the seed

once it falls, but man,

we want all this sweet meat.

So we pump it full of

fertilizer and water.

- You want this?

- Nah, that's all right.

I can't eat these either.

Hey, did you, uh, see that guy

I was walking around here with?

No.

I was walking around

with a guy.

I got a couple places

in town do great burgers.

One of them is a bar

that serves burgers

and one's just a restaurant.

We need to get a beer.

The foothills off to the left,

you see they start there?

They start to the west and

they come across here?

That's my property,

butts right up against that,

the beginning of those hills

behind my house.

- You alive?

- Yeah.

You gotta talk right up against

the mic or I can't hear you.

- Yeah.

- Okay.

You all right? Watch the legs.

Cool, huh?

Here we go.

Pino Roja.

So if you sleep with Kenny G,

if you go to bed with Kenny G

and he gives you one of...

What was it?

And he gives you

one of his records...

Um...

Wait, no. Whatever.

If you sleep with Kenny G, uh,

and he gives you his record,

then, uh...

What is it? Tell her.

I don't wanna do it here.

All right, I remember. Um...

What's the worst thing that

just happened to you?

You're stuck

with a Kenny G record.

I can't do it.

Neil knows how to do it. I...

It's a little different but...

Are you gonna tell me?

I told him about the Kenny G.

Oh, okay. I just want...

You two guys start talking and

I don't know what you're sayin'.

The real shitty thing about it

was half the place was empty.

I mean, he's tellin' this

funny stuff, some of it weird,

you know,

but a lot of funny stuff,

and people weren't there,

you know? That was a shame.

There were

some people there, just...

No, it pissed me off!

I was standing there, like,

"What is this?"

Empty seats?

Who's bookin' this thing?

I don't know who picked

that place for you.

You know that place downtown,

The Alley?

- The Alley.

- Dirty. Filthy.

Anyway, you need a business plan

is what I'm sayin', you know?

That's just product

you're throwin' away.

If you see an empty seat

and you tell a joke

and there's no one in that seat

you're just throwin' that joke

away into that seat.

- Right.

- I wanna make sure

people know

before they get there,

and if they don't know

and it's still half empty,

I'm gonna give 'em a 2-for-1.

I'm gonna say

- bring a friend for free.

- Excuse me.

I gotta stick around here

all the time,

'cause if I leave this one here

in charge of stuff,

he starts making decisions

without me,

and then it's her and him

talkin' Spanish

and I can't understand what's

going on because, you know,

Mexican culture, the older guy,

he's supposed to be the

patriarch or whatever,

it's bullshit. It's my house.

I should be making

the decisions.

Okay.

I'll be right back.

Hmm?

This is all me.

Up to that first ridge,

it's all me.

- How's your son?

- My daughter?

Yeah, that's right.

Sorry, I knew that.

Um, yeah.

Yeah, she's really good.

She's doing great.

- What's her name again?

- Maria.

Maria,

like after Grandma Maria?

Nah, after Maria

from West Side Story.

Huh!

What's your game plan?

What's the career plan,

where do you, where do you,

where do you wanna be?

Where's this leadin' to?

I just wanna keep working,

but we've got, um...

I mean, where's the growth

potential?

I got this call, uh,

yesterday about this,

uh, this party,

this kind of private

engagement in Hollywood.

- Really?

- Yeah.

At the house of a pretty

well-known celebrity

and he's gonna have a lot of

his celebrity friends there.

- And I'm gonna perform.

- Who's gonna be there?

- Liza Minnelli.

- Liza Minnelli.

- She's Judy Garland's daughter.

- Yep.

Remember? The Wizard of Oz?

I used to...

We used to get that...

watch that movie

once a year on TV.

It would come on TV

and I would sing.

I'd sing that rainbow song.

Loved it.

What was that one

that used to make my mom cry?

Um...

All right, cuz.

Hey.

It's been great havin' ya here.

You can stay longer if ya want.

I mean, we've got these rooms.

It's just...

good to have you

back in my life.

Sorry it's been so long.

You're a good boy,

you try your best,

you do this weird show,

but it doesn't matter

because you're trying, you're

getting yourself out there

and you're trying to tell jokes

that make people happy,

that's what's important,

just keep doing it.

Go to bed, go to sleep,

turn off the lights.

Put one in each chamber,

so when you're ready to go,

just yell, "Pull."

Okay.

Pull!

Pull!

Okay. Pull!

Pull!

Pull.

The color blue.

And he found that it actually

enhances the growth of crops.

Blue.

The throat.

Yellow.

Stomach, liver...

ego.

Green. The heart...

nature.

Red.

Vitality...

energy.

Um...

- You all right?

- Yeah.

- Hi.

- Hi.

Thank you.

What do you do?

Uh, I have this, this little...

This comedy show

that I travel around with.

If you don't have a seminar

or something tomorrow afternoon,

I have a show pretty close to

here that we're doing at 2:00.

They are gonna f*** it up,

we gotta get 'em outta here!

Bad news, bad news, buddy.

Hootin' and hollerin' and

laughin' and lovin' life.

Bad news, bad news.

You all right?

Yep.

My friends and I, uh,

we really enjoyed your show

and we wanted to know if, uh,

you wanted

to make some videos with us.

We do like an online, um, blog

and we were wondering if you,

you know, might be interested

in something like that.

Hi, sweetheart.

Um, it was a long, long day.

Do you believe in God?

- Hey.

- Hey.

Um, I just wanted to come by

and say thank you

for having me along.

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