Entertainment Page #3

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It's been great.

Yeah, it's been fun.

Oh, did you get

a hotel room yet?

No.

I have two beds, you should just

stay with me, it'll be cheaper.

Um, all right, listen,

well I'll see you out there.

Good luck.

You too.

During his long,

legendary broadcasting career,

what was the number one question

most often asked by Larry King?

"Should I be concerned about

blood in my diarrhea?"

What was Elvis Presley's

worst ever release?

The ejaculation

containing Lisa Marie.

That's odd.

What's the worst thing,

the worst thing

about being gang raped

by Crosby, Stills and Nash?

No Young.

Oh, boy,

what else do we have here?

And what do you call

the creatures, the creatures...

Why don't you just go

without me?

Why don't you shut your mouth,

little lady?

We're trying to do a show here.

For real? Yeah, for real, huh?

Just shut up

so I can do the jokes

and we can all

get out of here, huh?

On the outside of the building

it didn't say

that we were in hell,

and then the few moments after

when the stink

from your syphilis breath,

it started wafting over all

the gentlemen and ladies

who have come out

for the show tonight,

excluding yourself, of course.

The minute that

the waft of stench, huh,

from the herpes and the syphilis

and the lice that you eat, huh,

the minute that started coming...

You little whore.

What makes you think

you can come here

and throw a drink at someone

who's traveled a great distance

to bring laughs

to this community, huh?

What the hell's wrong with you?

Mental... Mental illness, huh?

Mental... Oh, I guess you didn't

throw the drink, though.

She slipped and the drink fell.

She slipped on all the semen

gushing out of her ass

when she stood up, huh?

She slipped on that, huh?

Surprised you didn't

break your chin on the fall,

and then get the semen

into the infected cut.

But you have plenty

of infected cuts already.

The little whore's

having a tantrum.

She's having a tantrum.

Oh no, she heard a joke

she didn't like.

So now she's gonna cry

like a little baby

and throw her poo-poo around.

Get the hell out of here,

garbage woman, huh!

You little whore.

You little whore.

That took the wind

out of my sails, I'll tell ya.

Because that's

unacceptable behavior.

When someone travels

this great distance

to bring these jokes

for you people,

to bring some joy

into your lives,

and I'm literally

plucking jokes out of my heart

and thrusting them

into your fool faces.

And to have somebody do

something like that,

really stinks up the evening,

wouldn't you agree?

I'm a whore, huh?

I'm a whore, huh?

F***.

How does that feel?

You okay?

Can you help me

find my glasses?

They should change the name of

that place to The Sewer Club.

The sewer...

The Sewer Club.

No f***in' security

for the artists.

You're just on your own.

Somebody stabs you in the eye,

f*** you.

You're on your own.

Why don't you take off

your f***in' shoes?

Why don't they take some

of the money from the drinks

and use it to buy

some security guards

so that we're protected

from weirdoes.

You can't have a f***ing

nightclub with no security.

You can't have people drinking

their f***ing brains out

and then you're stuck there

in the firing line

of these cocksuckers

and meth freak-o drug a**holes.

- Why don't you get some rest?

- F*** that.

F*** you.

Hi, sweetheart.

It's okay now.

Everybody's okay.

I miss you so much.

Hey, man.

Wait, wait. Sorry, sorry!

Uh, can I ask you a question?

Um, I'm sorry, I just...

I'm Tommy, what's your name?

Gene.

Gene? Uh, okay, Gene.

I'm really sorry,

I don't mean to make you

uncomfortable or anything.

My car broke down

and I didn't want

to drain the battery

and run the engine

and something's wrong with

the transmission, I think.

So I just came in here

because it's warmer in here.

Don't you think it is?

Can I come out and stay in your

car and hang out

until somebody gets here,

to stay warm?

It's better if you stay

in here. It's warmer here.

Safer.

In here?

Yeah.

Than in your car?

Yeah.

Okay, you think

it's safer here?

Okay.

Will you stay in here with me

and keep me company

until someone gets here?

Hi, sweetheart.

Remember this?

Remember this?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Hey, man, you saw...

You know that... You saw that...

You remember that video

I showed you with the, uh...

They're chasing the bike with

the red, uh, gas tank.

The guy falls off and breaks his

neck and dies, that guy?

He died? The cops were chasing-

- Yeah, he died.

- He died?

The guy who fell off died, yeah.

Broke his neck.

I want that red.

You want to die with

a broken neck?

No, I want the red,

I want the red, uh, gas tank.

You can have one piece of red

on your bike

and the cops won't notice.

You know what I'm talking about.

If you get a whole red bike,

the cops'll look at you.

They'll find you,

they'll see you easily.

They'll come after you.

You're gonna die.

You're gonna die

because of a red stripe

on your motorcycle.

You can decide on one

thing and I want the gas tank,

- I want yellow rims.

- Yellow rims.

F***in' bright, bright,

bright as the sun.

You're the only girl

I ever met with a beard.

Yellow rims.

Yeah. Yellow rims.

You gonna go around topless?

Yeah.

Hey.

Hey! Hey.

Marco!

Marco!

Marco!

Polo!

Marco.

Oh, I can't!

Help me, please.

You got kids?

You got any children?

I got a,

I got son here in this town.

Yeah. I just...

I rolled through today

and I hadn't seen him

in like ten years.

It's his birthday today.

I took him out,

played some miniature golf.

You're not gonna believe

what happened.

There we were, right, we were

just at the first hole

of this mini-golf course

right outside of town,

and, you know,

we're having a good time.

It's a little awkward,

I hadn't seen him in a while.

He looks up at me, he says

the f***in' weirdest thing.

He says, uh, "Hey, hey, Dad?"

What... What does a woman's

vagina look like?"

Right? He says this to me.

I didn't know

what to f***in' say, man,

I was like, uh, "I don't know."

I mean...

I said, "Well, before sex"

a woman's vagina looks like, uh,

"two rose petals with teardrops

of heaven glistening on it."

We played a couple more holes,

you know...

just trying to get to know

one another and he says, uh...

He brings it back up.

He said, um...

"Okay, what does a woman's

vagina look like after sex?"

I was like, uh, "After sex?"

It's like a... I don't know.

You ever seen

an extremely large bulldog

"eating out of

a vat of mayonnaise?"

So, he liked that.

He liked that.

But, um, if I could

just get real

with you guys for a second here,

just, uh, comedy aside.

Um, I'm not new to this area.

I have a ten-year-old son here

and today was his birthday.

I had the opportunity

to take him out

and play some miniature golf

with him today,

which was a lot of fun for me

and he enjoyed it too.

We were out at the, uh,

Cactus Course outside of town?

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