Entourage Page #3

- I can't just write you a check.

I gotta deal with these

co-financiers in Texas.

Do you know how hard I have worked

to avoid going to Texas?

- You know what they do to Jews in Texas?

- I didn't take an acting fee...

...which you know is more than

the 10 million over budget we are.

You're 15 over.

Really?

Okay, well, I didn't take the fee

because I wanted to direct.

We've known each other for 15 years,

you gotta trust me.

I didn't waste one single nickel. I've been

killing myself to make this movie great...

...and I won't stop working

until it is perfect.

I need the money to make it perfect.

So can you get it for me?

- Hey.

- Hey.

- Sorry I'm late.

- No, you're not late. You're on time, as always.

- How you feeling?

- Big.

- Well, you look great.

- Thanks.

Did you get my e-mail

about my cousin Sean? He had his baby.

- No, what did he have?

- A girl. Laurie.

I sent you a picture.

I think your e-mails are going to my spam.

It's not intentional.

Look. There she is.

My God. She's beautiful.

Look at those eyes.

Someone named Melanie wants your cock.

Yeah, it just came up on the screen.

"I want your cock." From Melanie.

- Wow, that's...

- Classy.

Sorry. It's not my business.

- Sloan?

- Coming.

Okay, let me help you up.

I will be right here.

- Thanks. Okay. And I'll be in there.

- Okay.

- This is some bullshit.

- Hey, Tip. How you doing, man?

Man, if I'm gonna have more kids

than albums, I'm doing just damn fine.

- You need to shut the f*** up.

- Don't tell me to shut the f*** up.

- Shut your ovaries up.

- So it's my fault.

I'm gonna take this. I'll be right back.

Yeah, man. Call somebody who can kick me

in my nuts. I need a vasectomy.

- Hey.

- Hey.

- Bad time?

- No, but you can't text me sh*t like that.

Sh*t like what?

- You beg me to text you sexy stuff all day.

- I know.

But Sloan was looking at my phone.

I didn't realize you were

at the doctor's already.

- Why's she looking at your phone?

- I was showing her a picture...

- ...of my cousin's baby.

- Great.

- Yeah, she must really think I'm a whore.

- No, she doesn't.

God, I only sent that

because I was feeling insecure.

I didn't think anyone was gonna see it.

I know. I'm sorry.

This is really weird, Eric.

- You were right. This is too weird.

- Could we talk about this at the screening?

No, Eric.

I really don't wanna get in any deeper.

I think you're a great guy. I really do.

And I promise I'm not mad.

Just respect me, please.

Don't call.

All we're saying is we don't get why

you fall in love with every girl you f***.

And all I'm saying is that, unlike you...

...I like to have more of a connection

than whether I have exact change.

Please. I haven't paid for p*ssy in years.

At least a year.

The point is she said not to call her anymore.

So respect that and see if she calls you.

But hope she doesn't.

You got enough complications now.

Right. How's Sloan anyway?

Doctor says she's gonna pop any second.

- One vagina closes just as another opens.

- You're disgusting.

Yeah, and you're a mope, E,

which we can't have.

This is a big night for Vince,

so try not to ruin it.

- Don't worry. His moping has never affected me.

- I'm not moping.

You're moping, E. You need to get on top

of something fast so you stop.

I had sex less than six hours ago.

I think I'll be okay.

You're f***ing something tonight.

For baby bro, if not for yourself.

- Holy sh*t.

- What?

Ronda Rousey, the fighter.

- So what?

- So I love her. Get in the car.

Get in the car!

- Jesus, Turtle!

- Sorry!

Do you even know her?

We met at Coachella a few years ago,

remember?

- Think we had a connection.

- Please.

- He's got a better chance of f***ing me.

- Or me.

- Should I abandon this?

- Do you really think you had a connection?

- Yeah.

- Then go.

You're good peoples, Vin.

Yo! Stop following me, motherf***er!

No! No! We know each other! I just wanted

to invite you to my boy's screening.

- Hey, Vince.

- Hi.

- Sorry about your car.

- It's all good.

- Do you remember me?

- Yeah.

But didn't you used to be really fat?

Lloyd. How many times have I told you...

- ...I don't video chat with men?

- You know how comforting your face is to me.

- What do you need?

- I was wondering...

- ...if I would see you at Vince's screening.

- You were invited?

Drama wants me to see his scenes.

You weren't?

I'm in Texas. Smell the cow sh*t?

That's too bad.

I actually wanted to see you face-to-face.

- We are face-to-face, Yoko.

- In three dimensions.

- Why?

- No, it's nothing.

- Could we have lunch this week?

- I don't typically have lunch...

...with my ex-assistants.

Unless I need something...

...which I can't imagine

being the case, so, what's up?

- I'm getting married!

- God.

And I want you to give me away.

- God!

- Please don't make a gay joke.

I wasn't going to.

I was gonna make a marriage joke.

Now that you've been granted those rights,

good luck with the divorce.

That'll really make you wish

for a good ole ass f***ing.

- Ari.

- Heh-heh.

- I gotta go.

- Wait!

- Ari! Will you give me away?

- Bye.

Hey, Larsen.

Say, Ari.

This is my son, Travis. He's gonna

sit in with us, if you don't mind.

Good.

Ari, we sure do appreciate you

coming out here.

Of course.

You've been on the job nearly eight months,

and you hadn't paid us a visit yet.

- We're beginning to feel unloved.

- Heh-heh.

I didn't know I was invited.

Anybody who spends my money

like you do...

...always invited to my home

to tell me why.

Saw you on Piers Morgan last night.

Yeah?

What'd you think?

I thought you looked nervous.

Well, I wasn't.

Travis, here, got a real good eye

for things like that.

And he said you looked like

one of them guys that...

What was it you said again?

Like one of those guys from big tobacco

when they were up there lying to Congress.

Heh-heh-heh.

Well, my wife thought I looked sexy.

Ari, am I gonna lose a sh*t ton of money

on this movie?

No. Your money's in great hands.

- But you still want more.

- Just a little bit.

- For some visual effects it needs.

- I don't care about visual effects.

Well, if you wanna protect

your investment, you need to care.

You know, in the last four years...

...I've invested nearly a billion dollars

in your studio's movies.

You know how many I've seen?

Not a goddamn one.

But this one, I gotta tell you...

...with your movie star guy in charge,

I'm damn curious.

I understand.

Ari, we need to see this

before I write another check.

- Larsen, my director...

- Your movie star?

Vince doesn't wanna show the movie

till it's perfect.

- He's an artist. I'd like to respect that.

- Okay...

You know,

my wife has a $12,000 Chihuahua.

Three years running,

it got "Best in Show."

The last judge said that he had

the best cock and balls he'd ever seen.

But he ain't perfect.

You know how I know that?

He keeps pissing on my boots.

I don't follow.

I mean there's no such thing as perfect.

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