Envy Page #3

on a mansion in the Valley?''

But l love my neighborhood, and being

across the street from my best friend.

Do you see how it moves in the wind?

That's what l love.

lt flaps different than cheaper fabric.

Do you notice that?

- Yeah.

- And it makes you feel better.

Nice fabric makes you feel better!

lt's mind-blowing, isn't it?

Nick, you buy us too much.

Too much?! You're my best friend.

Nice things make life nicer.

All right, let's take another look

at that follow-through.

l want the head down.

That is nice, Nicky.

- Right?

- Very nice.

God Almighty, Mr. Dingman.

Nick? Can l talk to you for a second?

Just take a second.

Can't it just be us?

You and me playing golf?

lt's just, this is costing a fortune.

Cut it out with this money thing.

lt means nothing to me.

Let's just enjoy it.

Why can't you come with us?

Because Daddy has to go to work.

You'll have a great time

at Aunt Nancy's.

Aunt Windsong, and you know that.

lt's Aunt Windsong now.

Honey, you don't have to do this.

Really. Why do this?

Because l have to do this.

We have to do this.

Something has to change.

l can't look at you,

l can't look across the street.

l'm running out of places to look.

[whispering] The pool people

come tomorrow.

[Nathan] Just wait and see this, Dad.

[whooping]

Whoa! You the man.

- [Nick] You're the man.

- Yeah!

[tires squeal]

~ [Envy reprise]

Hey, Timmy, check this out!

Yeah!

Yah! Yah!

[high-pitched whinny]

Yah!

[man] Mr. Dingman!

Mr. Parmenter wants to see you!

Section 1 1 !

You wanted to see me?

[shouting] You all right?

What?

[shouting] You seem distracted!

- What?

- Come on!

[Parmenter] Your performance chart's

pretty good until here.

And then your focus

nosedives into the red.

You see?

Now, is there anything that happened

around here...

you might like to talk about?

No.

- You sure?

- Yeah. No.

Any reason?

Reason? No, l can't think of...

Any reason at all?

No. No reason. No.

l mean, nothing l can think of.

l mean...

you know, other than every day

l get into my little sh*t-box car

and there he is,

with the wind in his hair...

on his great big shiny horse.

And l drive off to do what?

To make sandpaper.

To make paper with sand on it.

l'd love to see you try to turn your

weasely little mouth into a fake smile,

day after day after day...

while waving toodly-f***ing-do

to your best friend,

who's rearing up on a big white horse

like he's the Lone Ranger.

Then l'd like to see

your performance chart,

you beady-eyed

little shrimp-boat bastard!

[voice cracks] ls that a reason?

l mean, is that a reason?

~ [Envy reprise]

Hi.

l don't really drink,

but my family just left me

and l got fired and l want a drink.

So, if you could just give me whatever

you'd have if you wanted to drink.

Please.

[man] Harsh.

Abandoned.

Fired.

lt's harsh, man.

Know what the best job

l ever got fired from was?

Pretzel kiosk.

Afternoon shift. Just loved it,

don't know why, just did.

Could be the apron, who the hell knows?

Or maybe the feeling of power you get

when there's a crowd.

One hand rolls dough,

ties those babies off.

The other hand maybe works the soda,

refills the mustard. lt's quite a thing.

l'll tell you a secret.

lf a pretzel is a quality pretzel,

you don't need salt.

lt's just a fact.

[man] How come?

Your family up

and blew out of town on you?

Thank you, but l don't really feel like

talking about it right now.

- Thank you.

- Okay.

So, how come you got canned?

lt's a whole different topic.

l just blew up.

Good for you, man. Good for you.

Good for you.

- Who at?

- l blew up at my boss.

Right on, brother. l hear you.

Man, l hear you!

What'd you go and blow up

at your boss for?

You know, it's like

a long, complicated story.

Well, that is sensational.

l'm the J-Man, by the way.

- Tim.

- Tim.

lke.

Another round, please.

Something fruity

for me and my friend, Tim.

On the J-Man.

Okay, Tim...

just let it tumble out

like circus freaks, man.

l'm here for you.

The J-Man is zeroed in, okay?

Go.

Go.

Well, l have this friend.

He's my best friend.

l love the guy.

l mean, it's like we're, you know...

Our families do everything together.

- Used to go to work together every day.

- Keep it coming.

And he'd have these stupid...

He'd have these stupid ideas.

Open your heart. Open your heart.

Where does it come from?

Sh*t.

lt's all from sh*t.

You know who you are?

You're like that guy...

Che, Che something.

- ''Che something''?

- Up with the people. People power.

Or the kid that stole a chicken

with the golden eggs.

What a fantastic chicken.

Who's for the giant? Nobody.

You hear what l'm saying.

You're the hero.

Forget Che! You're like Robin Hood.

- Robin Hood? Really?

- Listen to me.

Listen to me. Life's unfair.

lt's a raw deal planet, Jack.

You, my little dumbbell friend,

are Mr. Everyman

and you don't even know it, which makes

you like the grand turbo Mr. Everyman.

Honestly?

Come on.

You're like a great big dimwit.

You know that. Fantastic.

Everyman Dimwit.

That stinking family across the street.

Who wouldn't feel like you?

l like you.

l'm glad l came in here.

You know that?

Ringlets! Give me a break.

Let me tell you a little story.

When l was maybe 1 0,

there was this kid across the street,

Ernie ''Nice Kid.''

Ernie had everything.

Only kid around with a BB gun, okay?

So one night l see

the whole family drive off.

What'd l do? l sneak across the street

and find the BB gun.

l squeeze off maybe five, ten pot shots

at the windows...

Hello. ln my house.

- ln your house?

- Yes, you got...

You squoze off to your house?

You got it.

Next morning my old man gets up,

sees all these little BB holes

in our windows.

He marches across the street,

bangs on the door and Tim,

my little bozo friend,

things changed big time

over there in Ernieville.

That's what you got to do!

- What?

- Shake things up.

Over there, man.

Shake them up.

Make them think of something besides

the temperature in that candy-ass pool.

- Sh*t, what time is it?

- What kind of question is that?

l got to get back!

They can't build the pool!

lke, cab...

on the J-Man.

- [Vanderparks cheering, clapping]

- [Natalie] Come on!

Excuse me!

[whooping, laughter]

Sir! Sir!

You have to stop, please.

[Natalie] Here they come!

- Whoo!

- Hi, Mom!

Digging, no. We can't pay for the pool.

We don't... we can't pay for the pool.

No, no. Stop! Sir!

No mas!

- Sir, l'll talk to the office.

- [in Spanish]

Good afternoon, Mr. Tim.

- Hi.

- You look really, really wonderful.

And here is something from

your great friends across the street

while your wonderful family is away.

[Natalie, kids cheering]

''Thought you might enjoy a taste

from our newly acquired vineyard.''

~ [Envy reprise]

[J-Man] You got to shake things up.

Over there, man. Shake them up.

Carousel of dreams.

Casa Corky.

Casa Corky.

lncredible.

lncredible hedge work.

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