Envy Page #8

No, Nick!

l got to tell...

[groaning in distance]

Oh, sh*t!

- [Debbie] Timmy, honey!

- What?!

Where are you?

Timmy. Honey, l got it.

Definitely in the hips.

Timmy, where have you been?

- l killed the bum.

- What?

The bum. l shot an arrow.

lt went up, it went down.

lt's in the bum. l killed him.

Come. Come.

- Did you work out a deal with him?

- No! He's dead.

lt's in his back. The arrow.

l shot him. l killed him.

l killed a person!

What? ls this a joke?

l don't get your jokes sometimes.

And l'll tell you something:

l don't think it's always me.

- Hurry up! Come on!

- Honey!

- Hurry. Get in the house.

- Let it go. Stop! What are you doing?

Wait! He could be in the house.

- There's nobody there! God.

- Car! He's wounded! He's crazy!

- Honey, this is really insane.

- Get in! Get in!

[heavy breathing, moaning]

Excuse me.

This'll take half a second.

Could you tell me...

what's sticking in my back, please?

- Arrow.

- Fricking nitwit.

Look, l'm being stalked

by a genuine madman, okay?

l'm talking about a black force here.

l hate spoiling the atmosphere,

but would you mind

tugging the arrow out?

l want you to stop the car.

Honey, stop the car right now!

- Look. The guy's crazy.

- There is no dead man!

He's a loose cannon.

- Excuse me.

- [all screaming]

Oh, my God, there is a bum

with an arrow.

He looks afraid of us.

You ever hear of ''reach for the sky''?

You just shoot a guy in the back

with no warning.

That's right.

That's correct.

That's right. That's what l do.

Well, then, good God almighty,

we have entered, indeed,

into a dark day.

You got to talk to him.

We were pals.

Who shoots a pal in the back

with a bow and arrow?

- Over a couple of bucks.

- Me.

l'm an archer and l shoot arrows.

And l got more back

where they came from. My quiver.

Listen to me.

l just wanted what you wanted.

A little taste of the good life.

A little taste of honey.

ls that so bad? ls it?

But you win.

Man, l fold. l can see it:

Greed has hardened your heart.

And money's poisoned your soul.

l'm out of here.

There's nothing as dangerous

as large quantities of money.

That's why l've always remained an

independent contractor, an odd job man.

l want no part of this.

l stand before you, begging:

Take the arrow out of my back.

You will never see me again.

Help me, God! Come on.

- [J-Man sobs]

- Honey...

take the arrow out of his back.

[J-Man whimpering]

- [J-Man grimaces]

- [wincing]

Thank you.

- [panting] Thank you.

- Souvenir.

~ [Envy reprise]

- Hey!

- Hey.

l couldn't sleep.

l got to talk to you.

Yeah, l got to talk to you too.

You know, this big rally tomorrow,

l'm a wreck about it.

l got to give a big speech.

l'm not a speech guy.

Are you kidding?

Come on, those infomercials you did.

You're great in front of people.

Really? You thought l was good?

You never said a word about it.

Because it was just another thing

of yours that made me miserable.

What?

This is what l have to talk

to you about. Sit down.

l killed Corky.

You...

[softly] When?

Now, please, just don't say anything

till l'm done, all right?

The day that you gave me the wine,

remember?

l got drunk on the wine.

l actually was drunk from before.

l went into your yard and...

So that's it.

There you have it.

Well, you know, it sounds like

it was an accident.

- Why didn't you tell me?

- l should've told you.

That's the thing.

But l don't know what happened.

l felt guilty or something.

And l was just so wrapped up in the envy

that l felt for everything you had.

lt's true what they say.

lt's like a little green monster that

comes out and it just poisoned my head.

And, by the way, you did nothing wrong.

You followed your dream.

You did what you wanted to do.

l was always saying, ''Don't do it.''

You did it and it worked.

Look, you built a house, right?

That's all you did. You built a house.

l mean, it's a big house.

l mean, it's a really big house.

lt's a large house.

lt's a... l mean, it's...

lt's gigantic, Nick.

lt's the White House.

You built the White House here,

and we're in the shadow of it.

Literally, every day at 4:00,

we're in its shadow.

That's not your fault.

You wanted to be friends still,

you didn't want to move

and l love that.

lt was coming from such a good place,

but it was...

lt really got to me because every day

l'd have to look at you,

and see you with all of this stuff.

You know, buy the yellow Lamborghini

that goes 500 miles an hour.

Have a bowling alley next to your room.

lf l could do it, l would.

Everybody should have a merry-go-round.

Of course you should.

Jealousy, every day.

And it was just chewing me up.

Your kid's playing the concert piano,

my kid's banging trash cans.

And that has nothing to do with money.

That's just his musical ability.

That's a whole other thing.

You just gave to us. You gave

and you gave and you're so generous.

And what am l going to give you?

l gave you tube socks for Christmas

last year. That's not going to work.

- l like the socks.

- You gave us so much.

The coffee machine. lt's a beautiful,

giant rocketship-sized coffee machine.

Debbie loved the coffee. l'll tell you

something, l never tasted it.

l wanted to tell you that.

l can't even tell you

l haven't tried the coffee.

Like l'll feel better

if l don't drink your coffee.

And you gave our kids flan.

All of a sudden my son's going,

''Daddy, where's the flan?''

lt felt like a dagger in my heart

every time he'd request flan.

lt made me feel little.

l felt like a little man

who didn't like flan.

The horse was great, Nick.

Of course you should have a horse.

Does it have to be a white horse

that you come galloping up on,

and it neighs

and makes the whole thing?

Of course. Make it a beautiful horse

that l think, honestly, didn't like me.

lt had nothing to do with anything,

l never clicked with it.

l think the horse sensed something.

l think ''horse sense'' is a real thing.

Because the horse had a feeling.

He came over and sensed the envy l felt.

He'd come over and eat the apples.

He'd see me and give me a weird look.

l'm telling you. You know how sometimes

the side of a face and you get one eye?

He would keep the eye on me

and l knew he was thinking something.

That's unrelated to what happened

with the arrow. That was an accident.

l swear to God. l swear to God.

l couldn't do it if l tried.

l'm sorry about this.

l feel horrible. l feel bad.

l feel like l have this fountain

in my yard that l don't deserve.

l don't deserve to be your partner.

l don't deserve to be your friend.

l just...

Well, you know what, Tim?

You made a mistake.

You're human.

Everyone makes mistakes.

So what, man?

You're still my best friend.

- Really?

- Of course.

Of course. Come on, man.

lt was a big mistake.

lt was a big mistake.

lt was a doozy.

[whispering] Corky.

- l'm sorry, Nick.

- No, no. lt's okay.

l know how much

you loved him and l...

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