Equus Page #10

- Yes?

- I put it in her.

- You did?

- Yes.

- Was it easy?

- Yes.

Describe it.

I told you.

What, exactly?

- I put it in her.

- Did you?

- Yes.

- Did you?

- All the way.

- Did you, Alan?

All the way, I shoved it.

I put it in her all the way.

- Did you?

- Yes.

- Did you, Alan?

- Yes! Yes!

Tell me the truth, Alan. Did you?

F*** off!

What was it?

You couldn't, though you...

wanted to very much?

I couldn't see her.

What do you mean?

Only him!

Every time I kissed her, he was in the way.

- Who?

- You know who!

When I touched her, I felt him.

His side under me, waiting for my hand.

I refused him. I looked...

Looked right at her, and I couldn't do it.

When I shut my eyes, I saw him at

once, the streaks on his belly.

I couldn't feel her flesh at all.

I wanted the foam...

Off his neck,

not flesh, hide, horse hide.

And I couldn't even kiss her.

- Hello?

- No.

It's all right.

It's all right.

I don't mind.

Really, I don't.

Alan?

- Look at me.

- Get out.

- What?

- Out!

There's nothing wrong.

Believe me.

Please, believe me,

there's nothing at all wrong.

Get out!

Listen to me.

Why don't we just

sit down for a bit and talk?

Please.

- Just talk?

- Please.

Look, Alan,

there's nothing wrong, you know.

It happens sometimes.

It really doesn't matter.

Well, you tell anyone,

just you tell and see, that's all.

What do you think I am, Alan?

I'm your friend.

Do you want me to go, then?

Get out!

Equus.

Equus.

Friend.

Friend.

Equus the merciful.

Forgive me.

It wasn't me, not really me.

Take me back.

I'll never do it again, I swear, please.

Please.

And he? What does he say?

"Mine. You're mine.

"I am yours, and you are mine.

"I see you. I see you, always,

"everywhere, forever."

"Kiss anyone, and I will see.

"Lie with anyone, and I will see.

Ahh!

"And you will fail, Alan.

"Forever and ever you will fail.

"You will see me, and you will fail.

"The Lord thy God is a jealous God."

He sees you, Alan.

He sees you, forever and ever, Alan.

He sees you. He sees you.

Eyes, white eyes all round.

Eyes, like flames coming, coming. God sees.

God sees. My God hast seen!

No.

No more, Equus.

Thou, God,

seest...

Nothing.

Nothing!

Here I am. Find me. Find me.

Kill me. Kill me.

Find me, and kill me.

Kill me!

Find me!

And kill me!

Here I am. Here I am.

Find me. Kill me.

Find me and kill me.

Find me and kill me.

Find me and kill me!

Kill me!

Kill me!

Kill me!

Argh!

Alan.

Alan. Alan.

Breathe. Breathe in.

Calm, Alan. Calm. Calm.

Calm.

Now breathe in, deep.

Deep.

Breathe in.

Out. In.

Out. In.

Out.

Come on. Come on, that's a good boy.

Keep it going. In. Out.

In. Out.

Keep it going. Keep it going.

Keep it going-

Easy, now. Easy, now. There.

There.

It's all over now, Alan. All over now.

He'll go away now.

You'll never see him again.

You'll never see him again, I promise you.

There'll be no more bad dreams.

No more awful nights.

Think Of that.

You're going to be well.

I'm going to make you well.

I promise you.

You just trust me.

Trust me.

Just trust me.

Trust me.

Now trust me, Alan.

You lie back.

Lie back.

Sleep.

Just sleep.

You've earned it.

Sleep, Alan.

Sleep.

Remember,

he'll go away now.

I'm going to make you well.

Sleep.

Sleep.

I'm lying to you, Alan.

He won't really go that easily,

just clop away,

like some nice old carthorse.

No, when Equus leaves,

if he leaves at all, it'll be with your...

Intestines in his teeth.

And I don't

stock replacements.

The boy's in pain, Martin.

MARTINI Yes.

But you can take it away.

MARTINI Yes.

Then that has to be enough for you.

All right.

I'll take it away. What then?

He'll feel himself acceptable. What then?

You think feelings like his

can be simply reattached,

like plasters stuck

on other objects we select?

I mean, look at him.

My desire might be to make of this boy

an ardent husband, a caring citizen,

a worshipper of abstract and unifying God.

My achievement, however,

is more likely to make a ghost.

I'll heal the rash on his body.

I'll erase the welts cut into his mind

by flying manes.

And when that's done,

I'll put him on a metal scooter,

and send him puttering off

into the concrete world,

and he'll never touch hide again.

Hopefully, he'll feel nothing

at his fork but approved flesh,

I doubt, however, with much passion.

Passion, you see,

can be destroyed by a doctor.

It cannot be created.

You won't gallop anymore, Alan.

Horses will be quite safe.

You'll save your money every week,

and change that scooter for a car,

and spend glorious weekends

grooming that.

You'll pop round to the betting shop

and put the odd 50 pence on the nags,

quite forgetting that they ever meant

anything more to you

than bearers of little profits

and little losses.

You will, however, be without pain,

almost completely without...

Pain.

And now,

for me,

it never stops,

the voice of Equus,

out of the cave.

"Why me?

"Why me?

"First...

"Account for me."

How can I?

In an ultimate sense,

I cannot know what I do in this place.

Yet I do ultimate things,

irreversible things.

And I...

I stand in the dark with

a blade in my hand,

striking at heads.

Mead...

More desperately

than my children need me,

a way of seeing in the dark.

What way is this?

What dark is this?

I cannot call it ordained of God!

I cannot go so far!

I will, however,

pay it so much homage.

There is now, in my mouth,

this sharp chain.

And it never comes out.

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