Ernest Goes to Jail Page #3

proceedings to the staircase...

Man:
Right this way,

please.

Heh heh heh.

All right, Rubin, lets go.

Nash! Wake up!

No napping

during exercise period.

No talking.

Yes, sir, officer,

whatever you say.

Boy, this is great!

A brief workout

to gather our thoughts,

then its off to

the jury room to decide...

very ingenious.

And they even gave us

these nifty workout clothes.

Boy, I love jury duty,

don't you?

Whatever you say,

Mr. Nash.

Oh, you don't have to be

so formal.

You can just call me Ernest,

Ernest P. Worrell.

Hey! You know the rules.

No talking.

Yes, sir.

Kind of strict, aren't they?

Man:
Cellblock B-29,

move to the left.

The rest of you, move...

Man 2:
"C" to the left,

"D" to the right.

Ah, lunch...

how thoughtful.

For the mind to work,

the body must have fuel.

A lot of jurors here today.

There must be

a lot of trials going on...

a sad commentary

on our disintegrating society,

know what I mean?

Man:
All right,

brace it up.

Oh, uh, I don't think

our table has any steak sauce.

Get up!

I-I'm sorry.

Where are my manners?

I should have waited

for the others.

Eat, greaseball!

I didn't order greaseball.

Wrap it up.

Wrap it up.

Man:
All right,

stand to the back.

Backs against the wall.

Open up "C" block.

- - All right,

lets move it!

Come on, come on,

come on, lets go.

Ernest:
We're sequestered,

a- and on top of that,

we can't even leave.

Oh, this is great.

This is just great.

Uh!

I hope you've got a good

story to tell my boss.

After all, I do have

a living to earn.

Now, look, Nash...

My name is Worrell,

Ernest P. Worrell.

Oh, Mr. Funny Man, huh?

Yeah, Mr. Funny Man,

you'll think funny

when you're tapping

to the tune of 220, son!

That is the rudest bailiff

I have ever seen in my life.

Ugh!

Oh!

Wait a minute.

Ooh! Oh!

Man:
Hey, come on,

knock it off!

You're that guy.

Bailiff! Bailiff!

You're in big trouble now, pal.

Bailiff!

What is it, Nash?

You see that guy?

Yeah. So?

No, I mean look...

look at him.

Come closer. Look.

You see that guy?

He's not on the jury.

This man is a prisoner.

I ought to throw you

in the hole for that, Nash!

- The hole?

- Yeah, the hole!

The hole, like...

like in solitary, the hole...

like in real prison,

like in real,

really, really, really,

really, really real prison?

The hoosegow, the slammer,

the joint,

alcatraz, San Quentin,

Sing Sing...

Oh, no, I... I'm in...

I'm in...

jai-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-I!

Jail!

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Your honor, we have

reached a decision.

We find the defendant,

Rubin Bartlett, not guilty.

Have you... carefully weighed

the evidence?

Yes, we have, your honor.

The defendant, found not guilty,

will return

to the state penitentiary,

where he will complete

his previous sentence.

Mm-hmm.

Good night.

Lets go!

Ernest, we're late for work,

and Mr. P. Does not

appreciate tardiness.

So, how'd it go,

Mr. Juror?

Now, on to the real

important question...

how did your date go?

Oh, we had a nice time.

Nice time?

Now, whats the deal

with the hair?

You bringing the wet look back?

I'm just trying something new.

Oh. Where's your, uh,

where's your sky piece,

you know, your lid,

your brown cap?

I never see you

without that brown cap.

I must've lost it somewhere.

Bobby...

...there's something

bad wrong here.

This guy...

This guy...

is in love... L-U-V!

Ernest is in love!

Ha ha ha ha!

Ernest and Charlotte,

sittin' in a tree

K-I-S-S-I-N-G

First comes love

and then comes marriage

Then comes Ernest

pushing a baby carriage

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Chuck:
Ernest, you're not

gonna believe this,

but we have a new security

system at the bank.

A bank?

I work in a bank?

Lets go!

Man:
Close "C" block.

Look, look, I tell you...

I'm not this guy Nash.

If you're not Mr. Nash,

how come you look like him?

Because he's obviously

a very attractive criminal.

Yeah, thats right, too.

Lyle, tell him who I am.

Man:
Hey, Mr. Nash,

did he fall for it?

Thats real funny,

Mr. Nash.

Open up C-12.

Did you miss me,

Mr. Nash?

Close it up.

You! You know

I'm not Nash.

Of course you are...

Ernest.

You've got nothing

to worry about.

I'll make sure this thing plays

just the way we laid it out.

Just make sure everything

stays in line on your end.

I've got another deal

working here,

and there'll be

a cut in it for you.

That idiot you switched me for

has a job in a bank.

I don't believe it.

Sometimes the cards

just fall your way.

Yeah.

You just make sure nobody

figures out that idiot isn't me.

Listen, little man,

you've pushed me

as far as you're going to.

I've got some big things riding,

and if you know

whats good for you,

you'll play ball.

O-Oh, great!

What position?

You do like we say,

or Lyle here

will break your back...

Like that.

Well, then he'll just

have to break my back

like... like that thing

you guys did.

Real men are not intimidated

by physical threats against

their personal selves,

and ironically, neither am I.

What about violence

against other people?

What do you mean?

I mean, while you're being

Mr. Nash in here,

Mr. Nash is being you

out there.

Yeah, he's living your life,

working at your job at the bank,

hanging out with your friends,

and if you don't behave,

he may have to get very strict

with someone

you really care about.

Charlotte? No!

That your girl?

Well, sort of.

Well, she's gonna

"sort of" be dead

if you don't play along.

You lay one finger

on her, and I'll...

Hey, relax.

She'll be all right

as long as you behave.

Okay, what do I have to do?

You've got to be Nash.

Okay, Lyle, this guy Nash,

he's a tough guy, right,

he's a gangster.

Okay, how about this?

You dirty rat,

you're the guy

that shot my brother,

and I'm the guy

thats gonna shoot you.

Y-You dirty rat,

y-you're the guy

that, eh, eh, shot my brother,

and I'm the guy

thats gonna shoot you...

every goddang one of you.

Too old, huh?

Hey, yo, Murdock,

you're the guy

that shot my brother, right,

and I'm the guy

thats gonna shoot you, eh?

All right.

Of all the gin joints

in all the cities

in all the world,

you've got to waltz into

my place and shoot my brother.

Play it, Sam.

The piano

will cover up the shot.

Why, you dirty rat,

you're the guy

that shot my brother,

and I'm the guy

thats gonna shoot you.

Why,

you're the dirty, scum-suckin' pig dog

that shot my brother...

And I'm the man

who's going to destroy you...

'Cause

I'm just that kind of guy.

How 'bout that?

Hey, what are you doing here?

Uh, oh, I was just, uh...

Well, at least

you're not in the vault.

What would I be doing

in the vault?

Who knows why you're there

every morning?

Yeah, right.

Well, how do I get in there,

you suppose?

I don't know.

Hey, whats the matter with your voice?

You sound different.

Oh,

I've got a little laryngitis.

Hmm, I'm sorry.

Hey, I wouldn't let

Mr. Pendlesmythe

catch me in his chair

if I were you,

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