EuroTrip Page #2

OK... OK.

You know what?

I was actually expecting this.

Frankly, I'm flattered

you picked me to come out to first.

And don't worry about

telling your folks, 'cause...

- I think they already know.

- No, you idiot. Mike is a girl.

No, no, I get it. Yeah.

He's the girl, and you're the girl,

and sometimes you're both the girl.

Right?

Right? That's hot.

But whatever works for you.

I'm not gonna judge it.

Will you stop? Look, come here.

Look at this picture.

Wow. Who's the hot chick?

That's "Mike." I mean, Mieke.

That's who you've been writing to

all this time?

Until last night,

when I took your advice

and told her to keep her

"hands off my genitals."

Given what we know now, that seems like

the exact opposite of what you want.

This is a total disaster.

Oh, come on. It's not that bad.

Though she is really hot.

You're not listening.

I don't even care what she looks like.

Mieke and I had this incredible bond.

I told her things

I couldn't even tell you.

Like what?

- Nothing. It's a figure of speech.

- No, seriously. What?

- Nothing. The point...

- You like me better, right?

This girl is not only smart and funny,

and stunningly beautiful,

but until I screwed up, she wanted

to come all the way to America,

just to be with me.

- So do something about it.

- What can I do?

She blocked her email account,

her phone number's not listed.

The only thing I know

is she lives in Berlin.

So go to Berlin.

I can't just go to Berlin, Coop.

- Why not?

- Because...

I just can't, OK? I'm supposed

to work for my dad this summer.

It looks good on

my med school application.

Oh, Jesus, Scotty!

Man, Fiona was right.

You're so predictable.

- I'm going to Germany.

- No...

we're going to Germany.

How are we going

to get to Germany?

Don't worry. I've got it covered.

- We're going to be couriers?

- Best way to get a cheap flight.

We just have to carry their packages,

then drop them off when we get there.

- My cousin did it going to India.

- Yeah?

Of course, he ended up using

a public restroom in New Delhi

and they had to cut off his leg.

You know...

but he got there cheap,

is what I'm saying.

OK, I don't have anything

to Germany for a week.

But I can get you both

to London today for $118.

Anything else?

Europe is the size of the Eastwood Mall.

We can walk to Berlin from there.

- Cooper, England's an island.

- OK, swim. Whatever.

We'll take it.

Hey. Thanks for coming with me.

I know you had that internship

at the law firm this summer.

Well, forget about the law firm.

And don't thank me.

I should be thanking you.

This trip is

a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity

for me to broaden my sexual horizons.

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about crazy European sex.

Ah.

You know America was founded by prudes.

Prudes who left Europe,

because they hated

all the kinky, steamy

European sex that was going on.

And now I, Cooper Harris,

will return to the land

of my perverted forefathers

and claim my birthright,

which is a series

of erotic and sexually

challenging adventures.

You've really thought a lot

about this, haven't you?

It's my passion.

Come on, come on!

- The adventure begins.

- Welcome to jolly old England.

Yeah, breathe that sweet,

sexy, European air.

- Oh.

- What is that?

It's the phone they gave me

at the law firm.

Yeah, it's pretty neat, huh?

- Works anywhere.

- Yeah?

Excuse me.

Cooper here.

Hello, Mr. Walters.

Yes, sir, I'm down in file storage.

Um, hang on one second.

No, sir, I can't find

the Gutterman file anywhere.

Yes, sir, I'll keep looking.

I don't rest until I find it.

Didn't tell your boss

you were leaving the country?

They would've stopped paying me.

It seemed easier.

- So, where to?

- I don't know.

First bus to Berlin doesn't leave

till tomorrow. What do you wanna do?

Got the Tower of London...

there's Buckingham Palace.

- Uh...

- There's no drinking age.

- There you go!

- Come on.

- Hey!"The Fiesty Goat."

All right!

What do you wanna...

Soccer hooligans.

Hey, this isn't where

I parked my car!

Oy!

Who the bloody hell are you?

This is a private members bar,

exclusively for the supporters

of the greatest

football team in the world...

Manchester United.

Now please, enlighten me.

Who the f*** are you?!

That is a good question,

and... Scotty?

Huh?

We're the Manchester United fan club...

from Ohio.

If you're Manchester United

supporters...

sing the Manchester United song.

Excuse me, I'm sorry.

I'm not much of a singer...

- Sing!!

- " My baby takes

" The morning train

" He works from 9 to 5 and then

" He takes another home again

" To find me...

" watching the Manchester United

football team! "

Eh?

The best freakin' team

in all the land! Whoo-hoo!

Pretty good.

- Pretty dang good, lads!

- Yeah!

" My baby takes the morning train

" He works from 9 to 5 and then

" He takes another home again

" To find me waiting for him

" He's always

on that morning train "

I've unblocked

your email address,

but this Scott is not responding.

He was the one.

I was going to give myself to him.

Perhaps you should give

yourself to someone else...

fraulein.

I'm never drinking again.

Coop, wake up.

Oh, man, that was a wild night.

You think?

Scotty, where the hell are we going?

Don't worry. If anything

bad happens, my parents will find us.

Honey, where's Scotty?

- Cooper said they were going camping.

- Oh, that's nice.

And where's Bert?

F*** if I know.

Hey!

How are you, you scalawag!

Look, given the current

geopolitical climate,

all European countries should

have a seat at the table.

- Right.

- Except those f***ing Ities.

I hate them Italian bastards.

- You know what I mean?

- Excuse me.

Hello, boyo!

- What the hell happened last night?

- You got steamed up, pissed as a fart.

Too much sauce, son.

Don't worry.

We come and got ya,

so you wouldn't miss the trip.

What trip?

- Where are we going?

- What do you mean, where are we going?

We're going to see the Mighty

Reds do the frogs in Paris.

Aren't we, boys?

Yeah!

Why are you yelling at me?

So I tell the swamp donkey

to sock it

before I give her a trunky

in the tradesman's entrance

and have her lick me yardballs!

Wow. You guys are on a completely

different level of swearing over here.

Coop? Cooper,

we're going to Paris.

I know. Cecil told me.

Mieke's in Berlin.

We're not going to Berlin.

What are we gonna do?

We need a plan.

See what I'm talking about?

This is predictable Scotty talking.

Relax. Paris is practically a suburb

of Berlin. It's a nothing commute.

That's why France and Germany

have always been allies.

The twins.

The twins are in Paris, right?

We can call them. They could help.

Let me see your phone.

Okay, but I'm only supposed

to use this for business calls.

Hey, don't...

You're on the wrong side of the road,

you snail-eating puffs.

F*** off! Go on, you Gaelic

f***ing garlic-breath tossers!

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