EuroTrip Page #3

Piss off!

Get in here and say that,

you froggy Itie shities!

- F***ing beep!

We'll beep, you bastard,

all over your f***ing nose!

Get out of the way! Piss off!

Hey, lads!

That wanker's got

a frog football shirt on!

Let's give this nancy

a f***ing good kicking!

Come on, lads, he's going off!

All right. Twins said

they'd meet us here.

Look at that!

There they are. Come on. Jenny!

- Jamie!

- Hey!

Come here!

No, no. No, no, no!

- Scott, bienvenu a Paris.

- Thank you.

- Is that a new camera?

- It isn't just a camera,

this is a Leica M7.

Uber-sensitive exposure settings,

legendary cloth shutter system.

- Let me see that thing.

- No can do.

I spent four years tutoring

lacrosse players to pay for it,

so nobody touches my camera but me.

- It's like your wiener.

- No, it's not...

- Jenny...

- Cooper, leave him alone.

Wow, I can't believe you came

all the way to Europe for a girl.

Wait, not just any girl.

Show her the picture, Scotty.

She makes girls in our high school

look like walruses.

I'm a girl from your high school.

No, I mean "girl" girls.

Guys, we're wasting the whole day here.

We're in Paris!

Let's go to the Louvre!

To the Louvre!

So, you guys wanna stay here,

or should we check out

the huge line at the Eiffel Tower?

Here's a fun fact. Voltaire contracted

syphilis two blocks from here.

- Should we go?

- Can we please get out of here?

- This guy's really creeping me out.

- Who, robot man?

He's just trying to feed

his robot family.

- I really don't like him.

- Why?

Because he's doing this?

OK, seriously, don't do that.

Cooper.

Do not hate me.

I am familiar with

over 600 dance moves

and I am programmed to get...

freaky.

You're just upset because

people like me better.

It's okay.

Oh!

Fight! Fight!

Break the leg shot!

Ha! Ha! Ha!

Don't look in his eyes, Scotty.

- Ohhh!

- That was not cool.

- Oh!

Guys, let's go. Come on.

Error! Error! Error!

How cool is this?

It's a shame we only get

to spend one day together.

- Why don't you come to Berlin?

- Umm, no.

Jamie, come on. In a few months,

we go to different colleges.

This could be the last chance the four

of us are together like this.

Plus, we're in Europe. Huh?

This should be the trip of a lifetime.

There's no way we should split up.

All right, this table

is now Europe, OK?

Excuse me.

We are right here, in Paris,

and I have got to get to Mieke,

who is over here, in Berlin.

If you come with us,

I'm sure there's a ton of great stuff

to see along the way.

- We can go to Denmark.

- I love Denmark.

- We gotta hit Amsterdam.

- Definitely.

And the cathedral at Cameret!

- Yeah...

- Maybe. We'll see.

- Whatever.

- If there's time.

Come on! I really want you

to be there when I meet Mieke.

Fine.

- Excellent!

- All right!

- A toast!

- Yes!

- To Mieke!

- To Europe!

To Europe!

Merci.

- Berlin, here we come!

- All right.

Better let me hold on to those.

- What the hell is that?

- It's a traveler's money belt.

Frommer's says

if you have one of these,

no one can rob you of anything.

Except your dignity.

No, you just put that in your...

wait, what?

Come on, guidebook. Let's go.

Check it out.

European ass.

What's up?

Jesus, Jenny.

I thought you were some...

girl. Come on. Platform 4.

Thanks.

Damn!

I believe this is yours.

Pleased to meet you.

My name is Christoph.

- Jenny, let's go!

- Move it!

Those are my friends.

We're supposed to go to Berlin...

- Jenny!

- I'm coming!!

So, it was really nice

to meet you.

The pleasure was all mine...

Jennifer.

" Scotty doesn't know

That Fiona and me "

" Do it in my van on Sundays "

" Tells him she's... "

What?

You gotta admit,

it's a really catchy tune.

" Tells him she's in church

But she doesn't go "

" Still she's on her knees

And Scotty doesn't know "

" Scotty doesn't know "

- " Scotty doesn't... "

- Buongiorno.

Buongiorno.

You know, there are a lot

of other empty compartments.

Huh?

Ah! Si...

Si.

Pardon me.

Eh?

Ohhh...

Scusi.

Mi scusi.

Hi.

Buongiorno.

- What the hell are you doing?

- Mi scusi, mi scusi.

No! No, no, no!

- Uh-oh.

- What?

Big tunnel.

Who's touching me?

Scotty, is that you?

Who's touching me?! Scotty!

Oh!

Scusi.

Buongiorno.

Crans Sur Mer.

We change trains here.

Well, we got a couple

of hours to kill.

What's there to see in this town?

Hello? The Monument des Poissonieres.

It's a monument to all the local

fishermen who were lost at sea.

Frommer's says it's supposed

to be..."quite moving."

What the hell is wrong with you, C-3PO?

We're here to see Europe,

not some crappy statue.

I'm taking a nap.

Wake me up when the train gets here.

Hmm. Says here this town

has a famous nude beach.

All right, we can't all

just lie around all day.

We gotta experience

the culture firsthand.

Let's go exploring!

So, what's the etiquette on boners?

Do I roll over and dig out

a hole for it,

or is it cool to just let my flag fly?

Wait, wait.

Does "nude beach" mean

we have to get naked, too?

Of course.

Do you think you can go an hour

without your currency colostomy bag?

As long as this thing has

our money and passports in it,

it's not coming off, and

my trunks won't come off, either.

Come on.

You came all the way to Europe.

Can't wimp out now.

OK.

All right, on the count of three.

Here we go.

Look at Jamie's penis!

Very funny. Very funny.

All right.

Let the crazy European

sex odyssey begin.

- Here we go.

- Really?

- Yes.

- Mm-hmm.

- Hello, ladies!

- Ladies?

- B*tches?

Eww! What a rip!

There's no nude girls here,

Just guys like us

looking for nude girls.

I don't understand.

"Crans Sur Mer has one of the best

nude beaches on the continent.

"However...

"during the summer,

the European women

"are chased away

by gawking male tourists,

"so Europe's most nubile exhibitionists

head to the deserted beach

"next to the Monument des Poissonieres."

There's so many penises.

Frommer's tried to tell you,

but you just didn't listen.

This is the biggest

sausage fest on earth.

It's the international house of sausage.

Hey!

- Thanks for waiting.

- You're not missing anything.

It's all guys.

At least the sun's out.

" Dreams come true "

" I made my dreams come true "

" My dreams come true "

Holy crap!

What? I thought this was a nude beach.

No!!!

- Huh?

- No.

- What? What are you doing?

- Jenny, you gotta cover up.

Girl?

Girl!

Ooh, girl.

Girl... girl.

Girl... girl...

Run!

- I'm not gonna make it.

- Go on without me.

- All right. See ya.

Chica! Chica!

Chica! Chica!

Reading Mieke's old emails again?

Yeah.

I have no idea what I'm going

to say to that girl when I see her.

You know, she said

I might be the one?

That's huge.

I've never been "the one" before.

Thought I was "the one" with Fiona,

but turns out I was, what, 101?

- 200.

- 200!

Look, you got nothing to worry about.

You'll show up and sweep her

off her German feet.

Thanks.

Yeah.

I will, won't I?

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote