Evan Almighty Page #4

Yup:
I was going to surprise you:

"Surprise, surprise, surprise:" Gomer Pyle:

What are you doing?

We can't afford that:

Hey, Mom:
John Lennon,

good to see you again:

Good to see you:

And eight lots? What are you going to

do with eight lots?

I don't know:

Maybe I'll build a boat:

Did you say "build a boat"?

It might be something fun for the family:

We could take the boat,

go sailing on the lake:

It'd be great in case it floods or something:

What is going on with you?

You bought all those lots

and you're talking about building a boat:

Yeah:

And you grow this crazy beard!

Is this, like, a midlife crisis?

It's not that bad!

It's not?

No:

Why do you think they call it a crisis?

Hey, keep it down, you guys! Okay?

Oh, my God:

Honey?

Oh, my God:

Honey?

I know this sounds crazy:

I really think I need to do this:

Okay:

Build your boat:

Just don't take too long, okay?

Because we didn't leave our lives in Buffalo

so you could sail the S:S: Depression:

Here we go:

Gentlemen, I'm sure you're all wondering

why I've assembled you here today:

An Argentine lake duck has

a penis as long as its body:

Wow, that's huge: He must be proud:

So, I have come up with a little

construction project for us this weekend:

The whole weekend?

The whole weekend: Yes!

And maybe a couple weekends after that:

I can do this:
Help!

How do I stand up with a piece of wood?

Here we go:

Oh, man:
Okay, that's good:

Mother! Father! Sister! Brother! Wow!

Keep it straight:

Hey, Dad, he's back!

Ryan, no, don't do:::

Ow!

Leverage it up! Leverage: Okay:

Just put some leverage:

You got to put some body weight:

Ready? One, two, three: Come on:

Oh, I'm an idiot:

"Nice to meet you, Mr: Congressman:

Why do you have raw beef hands?"

"Well, I'm building an ark:"

I got a boo-boo! I got a boo-boo!

I got a boo-boo!

You ever hear of Home Depot?

Here we go! Here we go! Oh, yeah!

All right:
So our little Marlboro Man

moment didn't work out so well:

It's a disaster:
I don't know

how to build something like this:

That's easy:
Just don't:

Wow:

Hello:

Yes, Marty:
Your fearless leader is right here:

Hey, Marty, what's up?

Yes, I'll tell him: Thank you:

I might need security: Thank you:

Can I help you?

Rita, it's me:

Why do you sound like Evan Baxter,

but look like a Bee Gee?

Okay:
All right:

Okay, that's great: It's longer:

Oh, my God:
It is you:

Evan, what happened?

Did you fall in a mine shaft?

No:

Did you just come out of a coma?

No:

Were you attacked by a werewolf?

No, I wasn't:

Well, if you were going for that rugged look,

you overshot it:

You look like a bum in a suit:

You need Supercuts and a shave:

Right! Yeah:
But I can't: It doesn't work:

What do you mean, it doesn't work?

It doesn't work!

What? Are you shooting up Rogaine?

Rita, if Evan shows up::: I'm sorry, sir:

I'll be with you in just one:::

Evan?

Take it in:
Take it in:

Okay, yeah, to answer any questions

you may have,

I am going through adult puberty!

This is all temporary:

Why did you bring me down here?

What was so important?

What is so important?

I've got a letter of intent here

about Congressman Long's bill:

You remember that, don't you?

Well, you haven't been here and now

he wants you to sign this in person, Evan!

No, I can't do that: Nope, nope, nope:

Not gonna happen:

No:
You can't do that:

Not looking like that: You have to go shave!

I can't shave, Marty:

When I shave, it grows back out:

That happens when you shave!

But then you shave again!

You have no idea:

Evan, what is going on?

I'm:
::

Building something:

You're building something?

Well, I hope it's a barber shop:

Guys, I can't let Long see me

this way, okay?

You're gonna have to tell him I'm sick:

Just cover for me: Just help me out!

Come on, Evan, be reasonable:

You got to get rid of that beard:

I need your face back: I need you back:

Can you at least tell me

what you're building?

I'm building a boat:

You're building a boat?

Look, you got to cover for me:

I don't want anybody to see:::

Congressman! There you are!

Congressman Long, I, I, I, I:::

Stop stammering, son:

We all play hooky from time to time:

I'm not gonna turn you in to the principal:

Mostly because I am the principal:

Very good:

What's with the veil?

Did you get your new set of braces?

No, no:
No: That's hilarious, though:

Would you drop that thing, son?

I can't understand a word you're saying:

It's a wife thing, sir:

Just trying to spice up the love life:

She's a big Loggins and Messina fan:

Keeping it fresh: Keeping it real:

Would you excuse us for a moment?

The Congressman and I are going to

have a little chat:

Come on:

Nice, isn't it? Politics is dog-eat-dog,

but if you survive, they give you

a bigger den:
Have a seat:

So, tell me, Congressman,

are you freaking out on me or what?

No, sir:

Oh, come on, son: I hand you

your first cosponsorship of a bill,

and when you finally show up

you look like the fifth Beatle:

Now, you expect me to believe

everything is hunky dory?

Well, sir, actually, things have been

a little more dory:

Of course they are: I get it:

You know anything about animals, son?

The Argentine lake duck has a penis

as long as its body:

Although you probably already know that:

Or have heard it: Not experienced it:

You ever heard of the Arctic white wolf?

No, sir:

Top of the food chain:

It's fast, it's smart, can fend for itself,

but it chooses not to:

It chooses to run with a pack:

And do you know why?

No:

The Arctic white wolf,

Congressman, realizes

that it is stronger as part of a group:

Do you know what happens when one of

these wolves decides to fend for itself?

The pack kills the loner

for the greater good of the community:

Ouch, that hurts:

Are you familiar with Jim Jenkins,

the junior congressman from Tennessee?

When I met Congressman Jenkins,

he was fresh off the turnip truck,

but now he's sitting on his own committee:

Congressman Jenkins, Congressman

Whitehall, Congressman Freeman,

they all have committee chairs

because they all run with the pack:

Now, you have to come to a decision:

Are you gonna run with the pack

or are you gonna lone wolf it?

I am a pack man, sir:

Good:
I'm introducing the CINPLAN bill

in 2 weeks:
C-SPAN is covering it live:

I want your full support and nothing else:

Yes, sir:

Those fish are on you like bait on a hook:

Birds follow you:

Fish follow you:

Let's see if we can get

some congressmen to follow you:

Let's get this bill passed,

shall we, Congressman?

Yes, sir:

Hey, fleabag, out of the way:

Hey, Dad, I think there are more

animals than yesterday:

Well, let's not keep

our audience waiting, shall we?

Up, up:
Push it up: Push it:

We got it:
We got it: Oh, yeah, yeah:

Come on:
Just let it go, just let it go:

Dad, we can do this,

but we're gonna need some help:

I know:
We just need something

to lift those beams:

Like that?

Holy moly!

This is so totally awesome!

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