Evilspeak Page #3

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Probably drunk again.

Yeah.

You're a good dog.

You gotta be quiet

so he can't year ya, all right?

All right? Here.

You like this, huh?

Cock suckers.

All right, you be a good boy

and tomorrow I'll take ya out

and let ya get some

fresh air, all right?

You gotta be quiet, too.

What the hell

are you doing down here?

What is this place?

I was gonna tell ya about it.

Tell me my ass.

There's my f***ing crowbar.

You're the one that took it.

I borrowed it.

And when I asked you,

you lied to me.

What else have you lied to me about?

That's it.

All you bastards laugh at me.

Don't you think that I

know you make fun of me?

I don't make fun of you.

( barking )

Jesus Christ, you gotta

f***ing dog down here, too.

I had to bring him here.

I couldn't keep it in the dorm.

I had to bring it here.

Yeah.

Why not here?

Sarge, the animal,

lives in the cellar.

Why not a dog?

You lied to me.

You stole from me.

I'll show you.

( dog cries )

Please.

Please.

( beeping )

It's a good trick,

you cock sucker.

Now, I'm gonna show you...

I'm gonna show you how I make

a little boy into a little girl.

You want to see that trick?

Help!

- Ain't nobody gonna hear you.

- Help!

Ain't nobody gonna

come to help you neither.

Did you look for Sarge

in his room?

Yes, Sir.

He is not there.

Well, he's probably gone

to sleep it off somewhere.

He's done it before.

Sir, I have got to talk

to you about Coopersmith.

Coach, I recognize your problem,

but you have to understand

that when it comes to sports,

the philosophy of the academy

is to play everyone.

Coopersmith, look at you.

- Where the hell is your hat?

- Sir...

Private, your are an

embarrassment to the school.

- Sir, I been in the cellar.

- Look at him.

How the hell can I let him

represent us on the field?

At ease, Coopersmith.

Private Coopersmith has

been cleaning out the cellar.

Coopersmith,

get yourself cleaned up.

- Sir...

- You are dismissed!

And for Christ sake,

go get yourself straightened up.

You see what I mean, Sir?

Jeez.

( instrumental music )

( whispering )

( beeping )

( growling )

( beeping )

( growling )

( screaming )

( whispering )

Hey, Coopersmith.

You all right?

Where you been?

The judgment's about to begin.

Come on.

Oh, yeah.

Let's go.

So, will the next Miss

Heavy Artillery be Miss Patty?

Hold it down.

Will it be Miss Baker?

Or, will it be Miss Gallagher?

I think it's pretty obvious,

don't you,

and I think that we can

safely say that the next

Miss Heavy Artillery is...

Miss Baker.

Now, I want you to do a

good job on old John Paul Jones,

and tomorrow, I want you to do

the same thing to Navy.

( band music )

( chatter )

Miss Kelly?

You want something?

I just wanted to say...

Well, to tell you...

I'm sorry.

I thought you were the best...

Out there...

I thought you should've won.

( laughing )

No, really.

I thought you should've won.

You really mean that, don't you?

I do.

I do.

Well, well, well.

Look what we've got here.

Our ace soccer player.

Getting high, Cooperdick?

Hey, leave him alone, Bubba.

Sure. I'll leave him alone,

but I'm benching you

for smoking dope.

( laughing )

You can't do that.

The Coach says

everybody gets to play.

That's what sports are for,

to make us well-rounded.

I'll make you

well-rounded Cooperdick.

If you guys try anything,

you're gonna be sorry.

Oh yeah?

Let's see how it

looks without the pants.

You guys, leave him alone.

- Shut up!

- Cut it out!

I'm gonna... you guys

are gonna pay for this.

Cooperdick,

you're gonna pay for this.

You think that we're gonna

lose this game because of you,

you got another thing coming.

You so much as show your face,

and I'll bust you in the head.

I'm gonna play.

You can't stop me.

I'll go to the Colonel.

You do that, Cooperdick.

You do that, and it's your

funeral and your little dog.

I know he's down there

in the cellar somewhere.

And I'm gonna make sausage

out of him, Cooperdick.

( mimicking dog crying )

You guys touch my dog,

God help me, you're gonna get it.

Coopersmith, what is

the meaning of this?

This is the last straw, private.

Not only are you not going to

play in the game tomorrow,

but as of now,

you are off the team.

( laughing )

Shhh.

( laughing )

Hey, where you going?

Shhh. Where the hell does

it look like I'm going?

Well, what if Sarge shows up?

Where the hell you been, man?

Sarge went over the hill.

Okay, party time tonight.

( music )

Oh, God.

What's with the dry hump routine?

It's not gonna be dry for long.

( barking )

What's that?

Um, it's a rat.

The cellar's loaded with rats.

Since when do rats bark?

( laughing )

Hey, cut it out, Bubba.

( barking )

It's coming from over in there.

( door creaking )

Oh man, check this out.

( screaming )

Welcome to the kingdom of evil.

( laughing )

There's no turning back

once the gates of hell are closed.

Not bad, huh?

Hey, how about a little less

talk and a little more beer?

- Beer? Here ya go.

- Yeah, give her a beer.

Hey, save one of those for me.

What is all this?

Looks like black magic.

Tell black mass and fight the devil.

( laughing )

Hey, come take a look at this.

It's in Latin.

Hey man,

you can't even read English.

Let me look at that.

Whoa!

( laughing ) You're all right.

Let me look at this.

Wow.

Check this out.

Look out.

Look what I found.

What?

Isn't it cute?

What is it?

That must be the devil's dog.

Devil's dog?

Well, I sure am hungry.

Stop it!

You're always hungry.

Hey, look at that.

That must be Coopersmith's dog.

Stop it.

( laughing )

Sweet little thing.

Well, let's have another

look at this computer.

Holy sh*t.

This is weird.

Watch this.

Hocus pocus, Satan.

( laughing )

Come out wherever you are.

Look man, this thing says

that we need a consecrated host.

Why don't you make yourself

useful and go get me one.

I'm not gonna commit

no sacrilege, Bubba.

Oh, the hell with you guys.

Ever cast a spell before, Bubba?

( laughing )

Or is this your first time?

Well, you see that we need

to sacrifice to the devil.

See, we need a little virgin blood.

I guess that leaves you out.

( laughing )

How would you know,

hot shot?

Ooh.

I guess we're gonna

have to have an animal sacrifice.

Stop kidding around.

Do I look like I'm kidding to you?

- Give me that knife.

- What are you gonna do with it?

Just give me the knife.

Stop him.

Poor Cooperdick.

That's enough, Bubba.

Shut up!

Bubba knows what he's doing,

right Bubba?

Don't, Bubba.

( whispering )

Kill, kill, kill, kill.

( chanting )

Kill, kill, kill, kill.

Do it!

Kill, kill, kill, kill, kill.

Do it, damn it!

( scream )

( bell ringing )

Fred?

Fred?

Fred?

Fred?

Good morning!

All right, all right, all right.

( whistle ) Let me have

your attention now.

Hey... ( toilet flush )

Where's Coopersmith?

( laughing )

Maybe he got the message.

Keep your mouth shut.

What message?

We were a team, Fred.

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