Express Pipe Laying Page #4

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- Not yet.

If we get some money in two weeks,

could we pay the rest in installments?

No. Well, there are nine days left.

Might I suggest kidnapping the child

of a celebrity?

You know, I realize Pops isn't your

favorite person in the whole world...

so I appreciate how hard

you're trying to help him out.

That's nice.

I've gotta tell you something.

Your father is not only your father.

He's also...

He's also a good man.

Your father is a good man.

Yeah.

Mitch, you know...

I wanted to...

You're my best friend, man.

Keep your distance there, Liberace.

I was just...

Hey, Kathy!

I'm glad to see you.

Did you really think you were helping me

with that disgusting stunt?

Hey, maybe you don't realize it,

but that disgusting stunt...

was this idiot's way of saying

he likes you.

I'm gonna stand over there.

The guy deserved it.

Because of what you did,

Anton had to sell the dealership.

Now I'm out of a job.

Did I deserve that?

No, but you shouldn't work for a guy

who treats you bad anyway.

That is a decision for me to make,

not you or your awful company.

Putting prostitutes

in the trunks of cars?

- That is so...

- Cool!

The dead hooker in the trunk thing

was the coolest thing ever.

Wow, Mitch, congratulations.

Now you're famous for being a jerk.

I wish some girl would look at me

the way she looks at you.

What are you talking about?

She hates me.

No, she's mad at you.

There's a difference.

She's mad at you

because she likes you so much.

I'm short, not invisible.

Can I get a little help down here?

Heather, who works here,

is an abusive drunk.

Calls me names. Hits me.

Your classic dwarf hater.

Here she comes.

Move over, short stuff.

Hey, baby, you ever had a chick

with a beard before?

I can't say that I have,

bearded broad.

Then, sugar, you haven't lived.

Note to self.

I don't want to live.

I'll be in my trailer, honey.

If you want it, come and get it.

Does that go for me, too?

So can you help me?

Yeah, we can help you.

No beard.

My problem is with

these guys next door.

They drive around in their Porsche

90 miles an hour where my kids play...

blasting their music.

They have loud, wild parties

still going on when I get up for work.

- Sounds awful.

- It's unbearable.

It's unbearable to live next door

to that house.

Then we'll make it unbearable

to live in that house.

This should do it.

Mitch, this is brutal.

We hide these fish

all over the house?

And they'll stink for days.

Okay, let's go.

Come on, quick.

My flight doesn't leave for an hour.

- Nice place you've got.

- Yeah, yeah.

You want it?

Check it out.

Looks good.

What's the problem?

Smells like fish.

What was that? Some sort of signal?

Is that a signal?

You wearing a wire?

No. It really does smell

like fish in here.

You're a damn cop! That's it.

Show these guys what we do to cops.

Say hello to the devil for me.

Behind you!

I've been hit. Kill them!

Kill them!

Make your gun fight

like the devil himself!

Burn in hell, you bastards!

Sweet Jesus! He got me.

Mark, over there. Grab it.

I use it to cut firewood.

What's he using? You're killing me

with that chain saw!

He took away my chain saw,

and now he's using it on me.

My, God! Is that a hand grenade?

Good Lord!

We gotta get out of here.

Will you come on?

That's it!

This noise has got to stop!

My God.

I never asked you to do this.

Ed, we gotta go.

Could you pay us now?

Four hundred bucks, and we need

$50,000 in six days?

- We're not even close.

- I know we're not.

There's a message.

Maybe it's a job.

Hey, fatso. Fatso!

It's me, Hamilton, your boss

from the movie theater.

I saw that TV commercial you made.

Fat, fat, fat! When you sweat,

marbles come off your ass.

Hello. Dirty Work.

No, I can hear you fine.

It must be your phone.

Sure, we'll be right over.

So this whole block will become a

parking lot for the Chelsea Opera House?

Yep, to make sure none

of Travis Cole's friends...

have to park their Mercedes

on the street.

I've lived in this house for 62 years.

Now the bulldozers

are coming tomorrow.

- You thinking what I'm thinking?

- No, no. I have a plan.

What do you make of this?

Either it's a trick and we're walking

into a huge ambush...

or this is the single, dumbest act

in the history of crime.

How we gonna get out of here?

We can't make bail.

Pops is gonna die.

We're gonna be left here to rot.

I'm not worried about the rotting now,

I'm worried about something else.

What else is there to worry about?

We're in prison with prisoners.

So what?

So what? You know what prisoners do

to each other all the time.

No. What?

You don't know?

No!

They...

I never heard that.

You never heard that?

How could you have never

heard of that?

That's what prisons

are most famous for.

All right, let's go.

Not you, tubby.

You sure you don't want him, too?

The popcorn in the bulldozer stunt

was allegedly perpetrated by these men:

Mitchell Weaver

and Samuel McKenna.

But was this

a dangerous act of mischief...

or a heroic example

of civil disobedience?

Those two boys sure are heroes to me.

If Mitch Weaver and Sam McKenna

are heroes, then who's the villain?

Many would say that would be

the builder of the parking lot...

millionaire real estate mogul,

Travis Co...

Damn it. That looks bad.

We've got to stop the hemorrhaging.

Martin, could you wait outside?

Yes, sir.

I'm sorry about what happened.

It's all right, Martin.

It wasn't your fault.

By the end of the day, I'd like Martin

jobless, homeless...

penniless and hairless.

You fellows have a lot of growing up

to do, I'll tell you that.

Ridiculous!

Completely ridiculous!

Can you believe these characters?

Way out of line!

Have a good mind

to go to the warden about this.

The lack of respect

hurts the most.

That's what hurts the most.

Except for the other thing.

That hurts the most.

But the lack of respect

hurts the second most.

Weaver, McKenna,

you're free to go.

Ridiculous!

First of all,

Mrs. Murphy is owed...

my deepest apologies for the hardships

she's unjustly suffered.

Secondly, all charges have been dropped

against Mr. Weaver and Mr. McKenna...

who are not criminals

but heroes.

In fact, all of us are going out

for popcorn.

Okay, Spunky, you can come too.

I think he's got his thumb

up that dog's ass.

Gentlemen, I think I have a job for you.

Mitch, Sam, considering your recent

exploits as mischief makers...

I think you may be able to help me.

There's a small walk-up building

I own over at 99 Franklin Street.

It's low-income housing.

My way of giving back to the community.

But much to my chagrin,

the criminal element...

has reared its ugly head

in the form of drug dealers, gangs...

even a house of prostitution.

He's doing that... Why don't you get

the cops to get them out?

It's not that simple.

As long as those criminals

pay their rent on time...

the police say I have no grounds

to evict them.

- What do you want us to do?

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