Express Pipe Laying Page #5

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- Get the building condemned.

By any means necessary. That way,

everyone will be evicted legally.

Then I'll fix it up, rent the apartments

to honest, hardworking people.

I don't know. We've never done

anything this big before.

Gentlemen, let me give you

a minute to think it over.

Doesn't it seem like...

He's definitely doing that dog.

Doesn't it seem like we're getting

into something over our heads here?

So, gentlemen, have you decided?

We'll do it...

for $50,000.

Very well.

$50,000 it is.

Good news, Mr. McKenna.

All right, boys!

Bring on the whore!

No, it's not a whore.

We're gonna get you the $50,000

for your heart transplant.

That's good, too.

We don't have the money yet, Pops.

- Yeah, but it's a sure thing.

- Excuse me.

Sam, can I have a word with you?

- Sure.

- Thank you.

Wait. You didn't tell him, did ya?

Thanks.

But I still want to,

and I can't promise you I won't.

Just getting my photo album.

What are you so jumpy about?

I don't know. Maybe it's your

lifelong pattern of random assault.

Look at this.

That's me fighting for the middleweight

championship of the Golden Gloves.

That's me shaking hands with

Dwight D. Eisenhower, US President.

My goodness!

That's your mom giving me a...

I'm sorry.

That's Sam's mom.

Yeah. Irene.

His blood levels are good.

Should cut down on finger foods.

What happened to your foot?

What I don't understand is,

when you owe a bookie a lot of money...

and he blows off one of your toes,

you still owe him the money.

Doesn't seem fair since he's gonna

kill me in four days anyway.

Mitch says we'll have the money

for you.

Thank God!

I mean, that's good news, Sam.

We just have to get

the building condemned.

We go in, wreck the joint.

Pops is saved.

Did you call him Pops?

What havoc are you planning now?

What are you doing here?

Actually, I was looking for you.

I saw how you and your friend

saved that woman's house.

Guess you can use your powers

for good as well as evil.

I'm on my way

to my grandmother's place.

Do you want to walk me?

Note to self. Mitch was right.

No, he wasn't.

It's too late.

It's already on tape.

I'm glad you finally realized

you should never take crap from anybody.

There's my grandma.

Hi, Grandma.

Your grandmother lives here?

At 99 Franklin Street?

Yep. Grandma,

I'd like you to meet Mitch.

Hi. Kathy's told me about you.

You're a hero.

Well, today I'm a hero. Tomorrow,

who knows? You might both hate me.

Girls, I'm over here.

Excuse me, Mitch.

It was nice meeting you.

Are those prostitutes?

I mean, who are those girls?

They work with my grandmother. She runs

a business out of her apartment.

Sixty years old

and still going strong.

Yeah, I bet she is.

Would you like to come in

for some coffee?

No. I have to go lift weights.

What?

Okay, some other time, maybe?

That'd be great.

Okay. Bye.

That sweet girl's grandmother

runs a whorehouse...

out of the building

we're about to destroy?

Yeah. I feel awful doing this to Kathy.

Mitch, you're starting to like Kathy,

aren't you?

No!

I know you. When you say no

like that, you mean yes.

- What are you talking about?

- I'll show you.

Did you ever rob a bank?

Did you ever climb Mount Everest?

Did you ever say you could see why

women find Sean Connery sexy?

Okay, so I like Kathy a little.

Man, I hate the fact we have to destroy

her grandmother's building.

- But we have to.

- Yep.

We did it, man!

I can't believe it! Pops lives.

What'd I tell you?

Here's to a brand-new heart.

That's right. I couldn't have done it

without a genius like you.

I couldn't have done it without...

a big oaf to smash down

all the doors like you.

Yeah!

Hey, we should go pick up

our 50 grand.

Good idea.

Hey, is that the building?

Building owner James Kirkpatrick

had little to say.

Kirkpatrick owns that building?

- What happened to the building?

- I have no idea, but I'll find out.

Resident Gladys Waite

lamented the fall of the building.

I don't know what I'll do.

I've been running a sewing business

out of my apartment for 30 years.

Sewing business?

Tenants are staying at a local shelter.

But what about the condemned building?

Unfortunately, I'll have to level it.

Enough boring talk. I want to talk

about my true passion...

which is the grand reopening

of the opera house.

All proceeds go to benefit

the homeless.

You know how I feel about the homeless.

They're human beings and have no homes.

May I help you gentlemen?

Mitch Weaver and Sam McKenna

to see Travis Cole.

Mr. Cole said your services

are no longer needed.

No longer...

Fellas, I have an idea.

Get Mr. Cole on the phone...

I have a better idea.

Why don't we kick

every one of your asses...

and then go upstairs

and kick Cole's ass, too?

All right, I screwed up.

What do we do now?

Homeless guys.

I'll give you a dollar each if you run

into this building and yell and scream.

That's very nice,

but I think what you need...

are like some psycho,

out-of-control homeless guys.

We're more the broken, spiritless...

"I've lost the will to live" type

homeless guys.

How about for two dollars?

Mitch, Sam, what a pleasant surprise.

- Where's our money?

- What money?

You owe us $50,000 for getting the

building on Franklin Street condemned.

We want it now.

But I don't even own the building

on Franklin.

I told you I did, but I lied.

Good luck trying to prove it.

Son of a b*tch!

Once you stopped my bulldozer

from leveling that old lady's house...

I couldn't let you get away with it.

So I figured out a way for you to

help me and hurt you at the same time.

I guess I showed you guys something

about dirty work.

Whatever. But we're not leaving

without our 50 grand.

When you jumped on that guard's back

and yelled...

"The CIA put a chip in my brain"...

I was laughing so hard

I almost sh*t my pants.

Almost?

Thanks. That was fun.

More fun than working for Cole.

- You worked for Cole?

- All of us have.

I had a life...

a house, cars,

respect in the community.

Suddenly it was all taken away.

I finally realized

just how low I'd sunk.

I was at my daughter's soccer game.

She lives with her mom.

I was standing on the sidelines

and a cop asked me to move along.

That's when it hit me.

I'm not even a human.

Here's your $2.

How could you stand outside

my grandmother's home...

the day before you destroyed it?

You're telling me you thought

she was a drug dealer?

- No, I thought she was a whore!

- What is wrong with you?

Look, we made a mistake.

The worst thing is

we didn't even get paid.

The worst thing is

you didn't get paid?

- The reason we needed that money...

- Stop right there.

You drive these people from their homes

and all you care about is money?

I should call the police.

I'm really sorry about what happened,

but listen...

I'm done listening.

Have a nice life.

No, beat it, nurse!

Come back when you're a broad!

Hey, fellas.

Why so glum?

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