Express Pipe Laying Page #6

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We didn't get the money.

Mr. Sure Thing here was wrong.

I don't know what happened.

I messed up. I'm sorry.

That was easy.

You can chalk this up as a loss

and forget about it. I can't do that.

Pops is my dad.

I'm sorry.

I gotta tell him. Sam...

No. I'll tell him.

Tell me what?

I'm Mitch's father, too.

It's true.

This is no time for one

of your practical jokes.

Show him the locket.

Show me what?

This is Pops...

and your mother!

Yeah, I know.

You cheated on Mom?

No! She was there, too.

Who do you think took the picture?

Wait a minute.

So that makes us...

Brothers.

- You lied to me!

- Pops wouldn't let me tell.

Don't blame him.

You should have told me.

You know how hard that man

can squeeze a pair of balls?

It's not bad that we're brothers.

Sure, for you!

You've got everything.

You're smart, people like you,

you never have to pay for sex.

Pops was the one thing I had

that you didn't.

Now I don't even have that.

Stay away from me, all right?

That was really funny,

siccing the cops on us.

Really?

I thought it was funny...

but I'm surprised you did

because you got your asses kicked.

Things will get better.

Hang in there.

Thanks for listening.

Listen, pal...

you ever need anything,

I mean anything at all...

you come to me.

- Can I stay at your place tonight?

- This is the thing.

I live over at the Y, as you know.

I got a roommate, Old Jack, who is

a little particular about strangers.

No, problem, Jimmy. Thanks.

He just got his knee drained.

I'll find another place.

He needed it, too. That thing

was getting a little bit ripe.

I get the picture.

I'll sleep in my car.

Old Jack's a odd duck, I tell you.

Many times I catch him staring

at me sleeping, which is off-putting.

- I guess that would be.

- His feet bleed.

I don't want to stay at your place!

Point taken.

Point taken, Mitch.

Hey, buddy.

I'm trying to get some sleep

back here.

Note to self. Remember, no matter

how bad life gets, there is always beer.

All right, I screwed up.

What do we do now?

Homeless guys.

I'll give you a dollar each if you run

into this building and yell and scream.

I left the recorder on.

I don't even own the building

on Franklin.

I told you I did, but I lied.

Good luck trying to prove it.

Son of a b*tch!

I guess I showed you something

about dirty work.

What are you doing?

Getting the money from Cole.

My tape recorder was running.

Everything in Cole's office

I got on tape. And I got a great plan.

Another plan? Like the plan

that got us here in the first place?

I think I know how to get the $50,000

to save the apartment. I need your help.

Look, a lot of stuff came pouring

out of me at the hospital...

because I was in shock

about what I'd heard.

How did you feel when you found out?

I don't know.

At first I felt a little weird.

But we've always been like brothers.

Now it's just official.

It's kind of cool.

I guess it is cool.

But it does change things.

How?

Remember in second grade...

when we used rusty soda can tops

to become blood brothers?

It was a bunch of trouble for nothing

because we were already brothers.

Yeah, that's right.

Hey, remember in fifth grade

when I was under the monkey bars...

and I peeked at

your sister's underwear?

Remember that?

I was sneaking a peek

at my own sister's underwear.

That's right. And remember

in 12th grade, you had sex with her?

Okay, enough reminiscing.

Listen.

In the past two weeks, I've been

beaten up, thrown out of buildings...

I've slept in my car,

spent the night in jail...

And when you were in jail,

those guys...

The point is, you aren't the only ones

who got screwed over.

Yes, I made a big mistake

destroying your building...

but I know how we can get it back.

Why should we believe you?

I walked through life believing

the only principle I had to live by...

was "Don't take crap from anybody."

Suddenly all that changed.

Suddenly I was trying to do something

for someone else.

We were trying to earn $50,000

to get a heart transplant for our dad.

You two are brothers?

Yeah, it's a long story.

My dad boned his mom.

Okay, it's a short story.

I'm saying that when you're doing it

for someone else...

it's not just revenge,

it's standing up for yourself.

That's why I'm asking all of us

to stand up for ourselves.

Travis Cole screwed all of us.

I say we fight back. Are you with me?

Are you with me based on the guarantee

that if I'm wrong, you can kick my ass?

I understand how upset you were

when you found out what we did.

I want to thank you

for going along with us.

I promise you'll get your building back.

Okay, Mitch.

Don't screw me over again.

I mean it.

Why didn't he punch you, too?

I have no idea.

Deciding to fight back against Cole

is turning things around for me.

Travis Cole is empty inside, so he has

to make everyone around him empty.

That's what he did to me.

But I'm not empty anymore.

I'm filled with something,

filled with purpose...

filled with hope,

filled with dignity.

It's all thanks to you g...

Guys?

Guys, wait up.

How you doin'? I got a delivery

of some opera costumes here.

- What's the company name?

- Company name?

Very clever.

These brownies are great.

Let's go, prostitutes, homeless guys.

Shake a leg.

Come on, haven't got all day.

Let's go.

Good Lord! I'm in whore heaven!

What are they watching?

In this corner, weighing in...

at 225 pounds...

the former heavyweight champion

of the world...

Kenny Norton!

And his opponent Gary Coleman!

Come on, man, bring it! Bring it!

Well, here we are.

Building tenants, you'll be serving

as the ushers and ticket takers.

So take one of those,

and Kathy will tell you what to do.

I can't believe I'm doing this.

I don't know why I'm here.

Why are you here? Wait, I remember.

Intense physical attraction to me.

What's the trouble, sir?

My costume is not here. I cannot go

on a stage without my costume.

Relax. I will track down

your costume personally.

By the way, you're a fat guy.

Would you care for a brownie?

Excuse me, coming through.

Pardon me.

Excuse me. Sorry.

Coming through here.

I know I must really smell.

Plus, I farted. Coming through.

Joining me, the man responsible

for this glorious event...

real estate mogul Travis Cole.

Thank you. I'm proud of two things

about tonight's event.

First, all proceeds from the opera

will go to benefit the homeless.

And secondly, I personally oversaw

every aspect of this production.

And I believe it will be known

as the finest staging...

of Don Giovanni ever presented.

Excuse me, coming through.

Hey, did you fart? I think

that was me from before. Sorry.

Excuse me, coming through.

Fellas, you've heard the old saying:

"In the land of the blind,

a man with one eye is king."

Well, today, in the land

of the skunks...

the man with half a nose is king.

Hello, everyone.

I'm your mayor, Adrian Riggins.

Thank you.

Before tonight's performance

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