Expresso Bongo Page #12

- Never had a day's illness in my life.

- You're full of health, are you?

- I'll say.

Good. Let's go inside. It's getting cold.

- You know something, Dixie.

- What?

If I didn't have my bongos

to work it out on, I'd flip my lid.

Isn't there anything else you like better?

Well... There is something else.

- Do tell.

- No, I don't like to.

Go on. I've had requests

for practically everything in my time.

No, I feel silly.

- I won't laugh.

- It's the one thing I really want.

- Maybe it can be arranged.

- Well...

It's a motor scooter!

Not a motorbike, a red scooter.

What a pity I don't carry

an agency for them.

And who would you take with you

on the pillion of your little

motor scooter, Bongo?

I'd get one of them boxes

fixed on the back, for my sandwiches.

Bongo, that's really a new twist.

Haven't you got a steady girlfriend?

Why is everybody always on

with this girlfriend routine?

It's not unnatural or illegal, you know.

It's not even taxed. Yet.

Ah, girlfriends just pin you down.

Anyway, they're always wanting things.

Sometimes it's mutual.

I don't go much for these guys like Beast,

wasting themselves the whole time.

- So long as he gets his kicks.

- He ought to be saving it for his drums.

You've got enough for drums

and a steady girlfriend.

- Of all times.

- I'll get it.

Sit down. Don't waste yourself.

Oh, I hope I'm not too late

for the party, Miss Collins.

The party's over, Mr Jackson.

We all missed you very much.

I'd like to thank you for all the help

you are giving our boy.

Think nothing of it, Mr Jackson.

Good night.

I really mean it, Miss Collins.

It's not often a star looks down

the way you are on Bongo.

Do come in.

I know that you are very happy for my boy.

I'm happy, too.

When success comes to someone

you've nursed carefully along

like a sick whelp,

well, you can understand, Miss Collins,

you get a bit careful about that kid.

I thought animals like you

became extinct with giant lizards.

I'll take that as a compliment

from a great lizardess.

- I'm gonna be very plain, Miss Collins.

- You are very, very plain.

I don't want you interfering

with my business interests.

Oh, nothing personal of course.

Who is it, Dixie?

Who but your ever-loving old Uncle Johnny?

You've been quite

the social lion tonight, kid.

Yeah. But where am I gonna be when I'm 20?

Who cares? Now clear your cretinous mind

for a minute and listen to me.

- I ought to be developing myself.

- I booked a tour for you. 400 a week.

- Bashing them bongos, I suppose.

- What else, playing The Old Vic?

This is the big time!

- I know, I know.

- Well, you ungrateful idiot, react.

Don't just sit there all smug

and deodourised all of a sudden!

What do you think about all this, Dixie?

Never mind about what Dixie thinks.

- Please, carry on. My days are all mine.

- Who gets the nights?

Careful, dear.

Dixie's been advising me about my career.

You've got to think ahead

in this business.

Leave the visionary part to me.

You just remember that you're great

only so long as the teenage public

thinks you're one of them.

- What do I care about those grimy yobs?

- Start going fancy on them,

make as if you were for one brief

moment superior,

and you, my little chicken, have had it.

Uncle Johnny really is

telling you the truth about life.

Let's begin to understand one another,

Miss Collins.

Bongo takes his orders from me.

Now put out that cheap cigar

and get those glad rags

and come have a quick look

at the numbers for your new act.

- What I do is my business!

- Half is mine.

Aren't you playing this

just a little too tough?

I'm just protecting my half.

Good night, Miss Collins. Get.

All right, Mr Jackson. Let's see

what we can do with the other half.

Blimey, who's inside? Is it the Queen?

Nah, stop it, she wouldn't come down here.

- Cor! Look at her!

- Who are you?

- It's a film star!

- Never seen her in films!

No, she's on television!

- Cor! Look at that figure.

- She's a smasher!

Look at Father Christmas!

Where can I find Mrs Rudge?

You've found her.

And if you're looking for Bongo Herbert,

he don't live here any more.

No, but he asked me to call, Mrs Rudge.

- Oh, he did?

- Mmm.

- I suppose you'd better come in, then.

- Thank you. Bring those in, George.

Put them there, George.

- Isn't this homey?

- What's all that?

Presents from Bongo, Mrs Rudge,

for you and the family.

Him, sending those parcels?

He never comes near us.

So, what's he sending us parcels for?

You've got to realise, Mrs Rudge,

Bongo's become an enormous success.

When success comes to the young,

It sometimes upsets them for a while.

It upset me, I know that.

All those presents for me?

For the whole family.

You see, Mrs Rudge,

you may not have thought so,

but Bongo thinks a great deal about you.

He's been trying to see you.

What's stopped him, then?

He knows where we live, don't he?

I'm afraid Mr Jackson doesn't consider

that Bongo ought to give

too much attention to his relatives.

That's that spivvy manager of his,

I suppose.

Mr Jackson is very concerned that

nothing should interrupt Bongo's career.

So he don't let him see his own mother.

Well, Mrs Rudge,

you did give your consent.

I never gave my consent to nothing.

But you did agree to Bongo's contract

with Mr Jackson.

I didn't sign no contract.

Maybe If I had,

we'd have got something out of it.

But Bongo's under 21, Mrs Rudge.

His contract isn't legal

unless his parents agree to it.

We didn't agree to nothing,

and we don't get nothing out of it.

Well, then, you mustn't blame Bongo.

You're right. I'm gonna do that Jackson.

He's come between me and my son.

I'm gonna do him.

- For Bongo's sake, I think you should.

- I will.

You know, Mrs Rudge,

I'd just love a cup of real English tea.

Help yourself, dear.

It may be a bit cold by now.

- Having fun, sweetie?

- Never been so happy, Dixie.

That's what we want, darling.

Won't be long.

Okay.

I want you to know I really appreciate

your telling me about all this.

I'm sure you do, Gus.

After all, there's nothing to prevent

you taking the boy over completely.

If I do so, it would be only be

on a perfectly straight legal basis.

Never mind the ethical discussion.

You just get your legal bloodhounds

onto this right away.

- Can I use your phone?

- I can't wait.

Regardless of my old friendship

for Johnny,

I feel for all our sakes,

I have no alternative.

Get me Horseacre and Brixton,

Chancery Lane.

Mind you, darling,

you'll forgive an old friend

being perhaps a little personal...

No, I won't, Gus. All that concerns you

is that I intend to use Bongo

in my New York act.

Have you heard from them yet?

They've only had the tele-recording

this morning.

- Do you think I'll get an offer?

- I'm sure of it. Any moment.

Horseacre, a little matter

of legal contract.

- I'll leave you to your business.

- Thank you again, darling.

It's a matter of an underage minor

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