Expresso Bongo Page #13

contracted as an artist.

Maisie? Maisie, has the kid

been around here?

Oh, sure. We have lots of young boys

around here.

Shh! They'll think it's the police rounds.

Maisie doll, this is urgent!

- So, what's the matter?

- I can't find Bongo.

- So?

- He ran out of rehearsal.

- Oh, is that all?

- What do you mean, 'Is that all?'

I've got the greatest deal

I've ever lined up in my life,

and this stupid imbecile suddenly

decides to go and get temperamental.

All right, don't bite me

as well as everybody else.

Who's biting?

I'm just worried, that's all.

So you come to little white mother Maisie.

All right, twist the knife!

Ever since you got into the gravy,

you've been screaming as though

you were drowning.

Why does he do this to me?

Don't worry, Johnny. He's probably

chatting it up with some wide-eyed kid

in a coffee bar somewhere.

Maybe you're right.

I think I know the very kid.

Like the sun, Bongo,

you mustn't take too much of it at once.

Anything you say, Dixie.

You're the boss now.

Good. Turn over.

Do you think...

You think Johnny will make any trouble?

Johnny is not in a position

to make anything any more.

It's gonna be marvellous

going to the States.

- With me?

- Yeah, with you.

I bet you thought I was a real drip

when I got sloshed here that first night.

You'd be surprised what I thought.

You see, I never thought of me and you

in that way.

Well, you wouldn't really.

But I'll say this for you, Dixie,

you've got what it takes.

- I've got the lot, haven't I?

- The lot.

Very lonely having the lot alone.

Come on, you alone?

You're always in the papers.

Sure, sure.

What kind of act do we get to do

in New York?

Mmm. I haven't thought out

the details yet. You'll sing...

Uh, yeah. I'll freshen it up a bit,

you know, put a bit of pep into your show.

- Thanks!

- Well, let's face it, Dixie,

you're fabulous,

but you're a bit on the square side.

- I am, am I?

- Still...

- You're maybe getting on a bit.

- I think maybe I am.

But you're real class.

- I wonder if you're gonna help me much.

- Help you what?

Help me.

Oh, hell, turn over.

You're done this side.

Bongo?

You can fool all of the people

Some of the time

You can fool some of the people

All of the time

Try to convey you're as young as the day

When a boy first kissed you

Try to imply that the years passing by

Somehow have missed you

You can fool most of the people

Lead them astray

As a rule, most of the people

Like it that way

Telling them lies,

throwing dust in their eyes

Isn't hard to do

Fool them all

But you can't fool you

I'm a fool.

Why are you crucifying me, Bongo baby?

What the hell are you doing here?

That's what I came here to ask you.

Well, we've got work to do.

You're a variety artiste.

The tour, remember?

You're trespassing

on Dixie Collins' property.

And Dixie Collins is trespassing on mine.

Now, you listen to me, Bert Rudge,

I've got two seats booked

on the Birmingham train on Monday.

Well, you better flog one of

them sharpish. I'm not coming.

Say that again.

Look, the tour's no good for my career.

All those kids screaming their heads off.

Is that what you want for me?

So, 400 a week is bad?

You're just like that old woman of mine.

You don't care about me,

it's just the money.

So, suddenly it's all for love, is it?

We've gotta love you, you idiot!

Dixie and I are doing an act together.

Maybe we'll even do a film together.

I suppose it'll be about this great star,

who, underneath it all,

is just a lonely woman,

and this great little kid,

who, underneath it all,

is just a rotten, ungrateful little scut!

- Get out.

- Now, get this message and get it clear.

I own 50% of you, no matter which part

you'r%giving to Madam Collins!

You keep your filthy mind to yourself.

And you keep your filthy hands

off my property!

He's got a four-year contract with me.

In a pig's eye, he has a contract.

It's about as legitimate as you are.

You've got a real yen for that boy,

haven't you?

You're a real case.

So are you, my friend.

His signature doesn't mean a thing.

He's underage.

I see. But only for signing contracts

and voting, I suppose.

Everything else, he either

knows already or you'll teach him.

I don't have to take this from you.

Get out or I'll have you thrown out.

I can get his parents to sign

that contract anytime, if I wasn't...

His parents will never sign with you

because they've already signed

with somebody else.

Will you leave now, or shall I have you

pushed over the edge?

Oh, it's gonna look great in the press.

'Much fancied film star

stables unbroken street Arab.'

Say what you like. It means as little

as that contract of yours.

Bongo is underage.

To me, he looks, all of a sudden,

very grown up.

Not that way. The way you came in.

That's the end of him.

- You're free, Bongo, you're free!

- Tell me about New York, Dixie.

Well, it's full of Johnny Jacksons

and Gus Mayers...

And Bongo Herberts?

Don't worry, honey, you're unique.

All right, so I signed the contract

for Bongo's tour,

but not for dates like these!

The dates are the same dates for anybody.

I wouldn't even offer them

to a troop of performing dogs.

I'm sorry, Mr Mayer,

but I won't let him play.

- Brava!

- Now, what's that for?

You are a performing dog, Johnny.

I want you to know

I appreciate your performance.

Now, let's finish the comedy.

- I'm afraid we mustn't.

- You hear me out!

You have signed on behalf of

Bongo Herbert, and you can't deliver.

What do you mean, I can't deliver?

You can't deliver him because

you've never had him on a legal basis!

Oh, I see.

So, you enjoy the confidence

of Miss Dixie Collins.

My dear Johnny,

no one could be sorrier than I am,

but you've placed me

in a very difficult position.

What am I to do?

I have contracts to live up to.

I ought to have known.

My little gutter-lily glistening up

at that fabulous grifter!

I understand how you must feel, my boy,

but I cannot,

with the best will in the world,

allow your misfortune to become my own.

All right, so I'm in trouble, Mr Mayer.

If I had a way of helping you out,

oh, believe me, I would.

I'm glad you feel that way, my boy.

I would hate to sue you.

- It's better this way.

- Which way?

It's better that I, after all,

an old friend,

- should take over the boy.

- Cable, Mr Mayer.

Thank you.

Oh, I get it.

I follow.

Oh, what the hell!

If I can invent one Bongo Herbert,

I can invent another.

- See you around, Mr Mayer.

- Just a minute.

- Get me Miss Collins at the Dorchester.

- Right away.

I want you to sit in on this.

It's very kind of you, Mr Mayer,

but I don't want to do

any arrangements for you.

Sit down, please.

It may cheer you a little to know

that business losses,

like death, come to all of us.

No matter who.

Miss Collins on the line, Mr Mayer.

Hello, Dixie, darling,

I just received a cable.

From New York? That's wonderful, Gus.

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