Extreme Movie Page #3

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twelve-pound p*ssy, man!

- Where'd she get that?

- There was a lot of acrobatics

in that motherf***er,

you know what I'm sayin?'

She was small, but she did

a lot of big things, baby

- Hey, Kim, holler at your boy!

- Whoo!

The women spend most

of their time stretching their breasts,

- adding a new ring each year.

- Yeah Ooh

They probably like it

when they stretch 'em

Yeah

I know they do

Holy crap!

It's Saturday night and you guys

are getting stiffies watching PBS?

- You're pathetic

- Get out of my room, RJ!

You never knock!

Stupid

He's right, you know

- I mean, this is pathetic

- What else are we gonna do?

It's not like we can actually get laid

Let's just watch this

Unless we come up with a way

to build an artificial woman

from your computer

And then program her

to have sex with us

You're a genius!

This is stupid, Barry

Shut up

Are you sure you know

what you're doing?

Relax! We're gonna give her

Halle Berry's face,

- and Beyonce's ass

- All right

- Tyra's b*obs

- Bam!

Tyra's probably got bigger

nipples than that

Now all that's left to do is

make sure she's horny

Like really, really horny, though

See this pair of panties, right?

Where'd you get those from?

They're lacy

All right Are you ready

to lose your virginity?

- I'm ready

- Say good-bye

Ow! I told you

that was stupid, Barry

Be quiet, Leon I'm thinking

Oh, sh*t!

So, who gonna f*** me first!?

Him! Him!

What the hell just happened!?

The panties, they was my aunt's

I knew it It was my aunt's panties

What you waitin' for? My p*ssy

ain't gonna eat itself out

What? What you say?

Who would say that?

Where you goin?'

Where you goin?'

Leon!

Leon!

Well

I guess that means you first

No It don't... it don't have to mean that

Come give mama

a taste of that sweet chocolate

What you talkin' about?

Chocolate ain't sweet!

I'm your human sex toy,

and I don't come with no Off button!

You don't even have to wear

no jimmy hat!

Save your energy!

I plan on Cumming a lot tonight!

Come out, come out,

wherever you are!

You're too big for me!

Your ball sack is about to get drained!

Let me go! Please, Jesus!

You were good.

I dont want no more

I don't... I dont want no more

No! I dont want it!

You broke my bed

She's so big. Why is she so big?

I musta... I probably hit F1

instead of Enter I don't know

Here I come!

And this time your ass cherry

is mine!

No, it's not! No, it's not!

It's my ass cherry! It's not yours!

Barry? Leon?

"Press Enter now?"

Yeah

You're lookin' good, baby

Whoa!

You're cute How old are you?

Old enough

Ooh-whoo!

Yeah, yeah

Here we go

I know you're probably too young

to be thinking about marriage,

but take it from me,

if you find somebody that you want

to spend the rest of your life with,

there's nothing better

Thanks, sweetie

But before you get married,

make sure you explore

all your options, guys,

and bone as many chicks

as you can

Well, ladies, be sure you take

the long way through Dick-town, too

I banged at least fifty guys

before I met this a**hole

sitting next to me here

And a group of girls, too

It was no accident that I invited

the electrician and the plumber

on the same day

- Ohh

- Whoo-whoo! Real hot!

Guys, listen up

If you're planning on having

a threesome,

you better to do it

before you get married

But trust me,

there's no better sensation

than two women making out

while riding your Johnson

I almost forgot

Book yourself a ticket to...

Try sleeping with

your fianc's best man

and his brother

at the wedding reception

Very hot

Great

Ohh

Ohh

Ooh, that's nice

Oh, why didn't I think of this before?

Oh, sh*t

Ohh! Ohh!

Damn it, damn it, damn it!

Honey, dinner's ready

Oh, my God

Oh, my God

Oh, this is bad

Can you pass the mashed potatoes,

please?

- Certainly

- Thank you

Mm Everything

is delicious, dear

Did you pick up

your condoms for the prom?

Yeah, they gave them out

for free at school today

They did?

Yeah Thanks, though

Honey, is your vagina ringing?

Dad! That's ridiculous

Sounded like it

Okay, I think we've learned a lot here

Class dismissed

I'll see ya all tomorrow

Now, remember your permission slips

for the field trip

Now, these permission slips

are no joke, people, okay?

Now if you can't find your parents,

they're in their bedroom, doing it

- He'd probably use the toys

- Totally

Hey, Stacey Jess

- Hey

- Hi

Uh, so listen, Stacey, um...

Mike,

can I talk to you for a second?

- Later?

- Yes

- Awesome

- Okay

So, Mike,

how are things going

with you and Stacy?

Oh, uh, great

You know, we're really good friends

We...

Hey, hey!

Don't bullshit a bull-shitter, bro

I know you're into Stacy

You wanna rap about it?

Yeah, I mean, I don't know

I like Stacy

- Hmm Hmm

- A lot

What do I do?

How do I tell her how I feel?

That's a good question

You don't

I don't?

No, you don't

You see, Mike, a girl like Stacy

is, ooh, way out of your league

Way

What? What do you mean?

I thought you were

all about breaking the rules

and there are no rules

and we're all equal

I am Just not when it comes

to you and Stacy

You see, Mike, a girl like Stacy,

to get her,

boy, you'd need like a truckload

of cough syrup

and a vat of malt liquor

Really mellow her out,

you know what I mean?

But not knock her out

That's a whole different class altogether

- What?

- Mike

you need to go after

something more attainable

You need to find somebody

who's a lot less

pretty-err

You might have to go up

a few weight classes...

a little more than

you're comfortable with, probably...

buck-fifty, two bills... I'm not sure

Somebody who hasn't seen

the light of day in quite a long time

Acne scars, fangs for teeth,

bad hygiene,

- retarded, if you will

- What!?

Hey, sometimes keepin' it real hurts,

little bro

But in the end,

we're all stronger people

Now go out there

and get an ugly chick

Or a whore

Good luck

Good talk

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Come on, guys

Flaccitra.

Mmm, this is nice, baby

Lindsey, relax Everybody farts

This is huge.

We've crossed the Fart Barrier

Really?

Ahh

See? It's nothin!'

I do feel comfortable with you

Damn!

Now, that's just nasty.

Oh, my God! Oh, yes!

Hey, man, she was riding you

like a pogo stick! Up and down!

Hold on, hold on

It gets better

- Wait for it

- I'm gonna cum!

Now

Oh, my God!

Whoo

Let me introduce you

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