Extreme Movie Page #5

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Kat, can I borrow

a squirt of your herpes cream?

Uh, yeah, sure.

I'll bring it over in a minute.

Ohh! Ow!

I'm not in Leave a message

Hey, girl, it's Billy Sharpe

from the basketball team

Thanks for rockin' my world

Talk about takin' it to the hole... damn!

Sorry about that.

Oh, shoot! Aaaah!

Nice titties!

Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!

Put the south in your mouth,

pretty baby

Put the south in your mouth,

pretty baby

Let me slop my biscuit

in your gravy

I'm gonna do it

I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it,

I'm gonna do it

I'm there I'm there

I'm there I'm there

Put the south in your mouth,

pretty baby

I wanna kiss your mouth

Mm, tastes like blueberry

So good...

Oh, God

Mmm

Hi

Hi

You look like

you just saw a ghost

Um

I had a... a really bad dream

Oh, sweetie

It's okay

Come here

I had an amazing time last night

Oh l'm sorry

Do you have a toilet?

Oh Yeah, it's right over there

Ohh

Mmm long night

- Hello

- Aaah!

Who the hell are you?

Why don't you ask your dick?

What is going on here?

- Relax, Len

- How do you know my name?

Uh, I usually like to know

the name of the guy

who's f***ing my mouth

Nobody f***ed anybody's mouth

last night!

Fine Nobody f***ed

my mouth last night

And I guess

nobody was three knuckles deep

in my sphincter, either

Jesus Christ, what were you doing,

reaching for, like, a winning

lottery ticket or something?

I could feel you in

my small intestines

Oh, look what the cat

dragged in

- Do you have any matches?

- Such diarrhea Ugh

I'll air that out All right?

What I need right now

is for you to leave my house

My parents are coming home

this afternoon

and I need to start cleaning up

Sorry Dick hair

Those weren't your parents

we met last night?

My parents are in Cancun

Yeah Yeah Right.

If you say your parents aren't here,

then we'll just believe that

your parents weren't here

Maybe it was your aunt and uncle

I don't care I came here to f***

and get f***ed.

And you know, I got f***ed

last night F***ed good

Okay Very funny

The, uh, the joke's over

This has been a delightful little prank

that you guys have played on me,

but now it's time for you

to respect my wishes

and please get the hell

out of my house!

Yeah

You're right

The whole thing was a prank

After we invited you

for a threesome,

I got blueberry yogurt and I smeared it

all over my face and your balls

to make it look like

you f***ed my mouth

And then I dig my fingers

in my a**hole

and put some of my butt stink

on your hands

And then I put some moisturizer

up on the ceiling

to make it look like

you shoot a load up there

Pooh! Yeah! All a joke

Please just get the hell out

- Fine

- Whatever

Please, just... just leave

Ooh So kind

If you say

your parents aren't here,

then we'll just believe

that your parents aren't here.

Maybe it was your aunt and uncle.

Mm-hmm.

Oh thank God

Oh, please, God,

don't let them be home

I swear I'll never drink again

just... just don't let them be here

Hello

So, you guys are home early

Did you just get in?

How was your second honeymoon?

Oh! No!

Get the hell out of our sight

Okay

How could you!?

How could you!?

How could you!?

Ohh!

Len, can we talk?

Um, just a minute

What, you been doing a little

spackling work on the ceiling?

Oh, God, Dad, no This... it's not...

Your mother and I are

disgusted with you, Len

Well, uh...

Look at her

- You don't understand

- Son,

I have one question for you,

and I'm only gonna ask it once

Have you been sneaking

behind our backs

and being on a hidden camera show?

- What?

- Look over there

No No, no, no, no, no!

You didn't!

They were in there

the whole time?

Gotcha!

No!

Hey, buddy!

F*** anybody in their mouth

lately?

Look at his face!

How could you do this to me?

Wait Who am I?

We roofied you, honey

Wait, wait, wait...

so I didn't f*** you

and you didn't f*** me?

Well, I f***ed you a little,

but it wasnt all faggy

Mr. Tight Sphincter

ha ha ha ha!

Mark

Fellas, personal advice

from me to you:

Get in there

and shave that sh*t up

Visually, it will give yourself

an extra two or three inches

If you're having anal intercourse,

whatever you do,

pull out and deposit your sperm

on her back

She'll appreciate it in the long run

Alcohol and sex don't mix

Cocaine and sex

If you don't have a rubber,

don't panic, whatever you do

Watch this Ready?

"Hold on a sec, babe

Lemme grab my jimmy hat"

And then pantomime

"Oh! It's so small! The rubber"

And then

you lock and load

She'll never know

- Damn!

- Oh, my God!

Ohh, what died?

Girl, you gotta stop

being so comfortable!

- Hey, pretty sweet field trip, huh?

- Yeah, it was cool

So, Stacy,

I wanted to ask you something

Hey, man, I'm gonna

catch you inside, all right?

- Uh

- So what'd you want to tell me?

You know what, it can wait

Hey, man, fake any orgasms lately?

- F*** off

- What?

Ew

Are you okay?

Yeah

Why is that guy so tall?

Great Yeah, I should be okay

I'll just go try to clean up

before we eat

- Uh, see you inside?

- Okay

Sorry!

Guys

Can someone

help me get off the bus?

Hello?

- Hello?

Ah, there you are

Everybody's waiting for you

Come on

Oh, yeah

- Oh, yeah

- Oh

Licking, licking

- Oh! Oh!

Suck, suck, suck!

Oh, yeah!

Keep 'em shakin'

Show 'em to me

Tits

Ohh, yeah!

That's it, Nance

Cut!

Great job, girls

Nancy, nice licking

Very good sucking, too

- Okay, he's here

- It's about time

Listen, I know it's your first day,

but we got some stuff to shoot,

all right?

- Uh... wha...

- Now, listen

The way I view this film,

it's a spiritual successor

to Rebel Without A Cause...

only with a lot more f***ing Ha ha!

Uh, right Um, you guys,

I think there's been a small...

I'm really looking forward

to working with you

Jackie and I are especially curious

how you got the name Gigundo-cock

Oh, I can't wait to wrap

my hands around

the biggest penis in the biz

"Penis"? I haven't heard

that word for a long time

- I usually just call it "dinner"

- Mmm

Okay, everybody on set!

I told you they wouldnt

have any beer

Oh, man, how was

I supposed to know?

- Oh, man! Sweet car!

Here's the scene:

You've just helped these girls

fix their car

And so to repay you,

you get to bang 'em

Now, Nancy right here,

she's gonna start by blowing you

Then you're gonna do

some back-door stuff with Jackie

Bro, check this out

After that,

just feel free to improvise

All right

Hey, you gonna need a fluffer?

Uh... uh...

All rightie

let's see that gigundo-cock

And action!

Thank you so much

for fixing our car

How can we ever repay you?

What?

- Cut!

- Hey, sorry I'm late

I'm Gigundo-cock

Damn

Yeah, I'm not Gigundo-cock

I'm just a small-town hick

An 18-year-old virgin

With a super-tiny dick

Kid, I've seen this once before

A boy who wished

he was Ang Lee

Found he couldn't

frame a shot

That's right,

that little boy was me

It wasnt my first choice

My parents think

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