Eyyvah eyvah Page #5

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Then it's the thing.

Dreamy, dreamy, dreamy, dreamy..

My man's so different..

We'll mary this summer..

The fortune tellers are so right..

This bit's better.

Dreamy, dreamy, dreamy, dreamy..

My man's so different..

We're off to the Maldives on honeymoon..

The headlines are so right..

That's a reference to you,

the ''headlines'' bit.

Whenever we interview artists

for Oloskop magazine...

...we also interview their crew.

l mean, if that's OK of course..

- Ah, of course, sure, go ahead.

- Firuzan's favourite thing?

Black calamari!

- Something that makes her cra

- Her dress getting ripped.

lf you had to describe Firuzan

in one sentence, what would it be?

Well, her bad side sucks.

But she's a good person actually.

OK.. Let's do the shoot then.

Sure.

Let's have the fan.. The fan!

One second, one second.

Could we have kind of

a more feminine Cancer lad

Fantastic! A bit sexier.

And again.

What are you doing?

- She's meating! l'm wiping it off.

- OK. Now if you don't mind..

- OK.

- OK. Right. Let's cary on.

Keep it up! Nice.

That's it, fantastic!

l'm onto the low angles now.

Let's see those teeth.

Yes.. Yes..

What are you doing?

lt'll help her nerves.

If she has a glass, she'll unwind!

lf you don't mind,

Iet's just do the shoot!

Right, because it's wrecking

my concentration right now.

Turn it on, kid! That's it!

More female. Move. More feminine.

Firuzan Abla, don't you want

the bull's tail? Shall l bring it?

l don't know. If theywant it..

- No, no. We don't need it.

- ln that case, OK. l'm ready.

Yes, nice.

lt's crap!

Bulls aren't like that.

You don't get bulls like that!

When did bulls ever do that?

Move in front of a bull that's tied up

and it'll break loose and kill you!

Hseyin, OK. l can't concentrate.

OK, Hseyin.

OK, let's turn to the side now.

Yes, let's have a wilder look.

Yes. And again, OK? Yes.

For god's sake!

Yes!

You're having her turn to the side

and open her mouth? No bull does that!

lt's a big game for you, Flash Ali!

l mean, what kind of bull is that?

A bull that opens its mouth like that?

ls it drinking from the trough?

What's it supposed to be doing?

lt's nothing like the real thing.

Damn it! Look, here..

Just shut up!

You're shaming the woman!

You make her meat for hours.

The crab was crap too.

All because of you. Your rush things.

You don't get crabs like that!

Abla, l'm saying it for your own good!

What's with a crab

like a foot soldier?

Crabs buy their asses in the sand.

Move above them...

...and they go like this.

They zoom away bacards

and buy themselves. It's all wrong.

Because of you.

You rush things.

She's a bull, huh? A bull that turns

to the side and opens its mouth?!

You're shooting a goddamn porn movie

with your bull!

Listen, bum fluff.

l'm out of patience, OK?

Get back to your place

and don't make me cray here!

That's it!

Fabulous!

Enough lions and tigers.

It'll never end. Enough!

Look, the woman's soaked in meat!

- Enough! She'll get mine flu!

- OK, OK. We're done anay.

l'm really sory. l'm a bit late.

Where have you been, Metin?

Where have you been?

l cleared up the moneywe're owed.

lt's all stories!

What do you ever clear up?

We're half-dead here!

She's been evey animal under the sun!

The woman's been crawling around

on the floor. Take us home!

Hseyin, you've become

like an Istanbul native, you know!

l send you off in one piece

and you come back all bust up!

l've shamed myself.

- Drink this!

- l'll throw up if l do, Ramiz Abi.

Drink it or l'll throw one your way.

Whenever l drink f***ing whisky

it ends up like this.

That photographer pissed me off.

That's why l got drunk.

Otherwise l'd have been fine.

Drink up!

lt's a dead-end, Ramiz Abi.

It's been a week.

l've been evehere. To the police,

the local council, the registy office.

There's no sign of the guy.

l'm just bashing my head

against a brick wall.

l'm just left with the silver shop.

Hopefully l'll get to check that out.

Suppose we print some fliers?

But the photo's so old, Abi.

l thought of putting a notice

in the paper, but the photo's too old.

Sory, but l don't have a penny left!

l'm here, son.

Drop it, Ramiz Abi!

l've bothered you enough already.

Don't talk like that,

or l'll do your head in!

l wiped your ass as a baby, damn it!

l almost count as your father.

l wish you were my father, Abi.

You're such a decent guy.

- Take this, go on.

- No chance.

Take it.

- l'm off to the bank.

- What, again?

Hseyin?

- Hello, Abla.

- You play amazingly.

Thanks. l just tinker around.

What do you mean, kid?

You're a real expert.

Well, l've been at it

since l was small, of course.

God! You've blown my mind

at this hour of morning, bum fluff!

Since l was a kid l've picked this up

whenever things get me down.

So things are really

getting you down right now!

They are, Abla.

You see, Firuzan Abla,

l'd just got used to being alone...

...and they said l had a father.

So l came all the way here.

l've been a bother to eveyone.

l've messed up Ramiz Abi's routine.

There were other things

happening back home.

- So what's her name?

- Mjgan.

Hey, even saying her name

your eyes light up, bum fluff!

l'd say you're in love.

Yes.

- Selam aleykum!

- Hello.

- Thank goodness!

- Sorm

No, the face isn't familiar.

But the letters show this address.

OK, but that was 30 years ago.

We were there for eight years.

Yes..

What do you think l should do now?

Have you looked on the internet?

Have you checked the internet?

Ah! Why didn't l think of that?

You're right. l've never looked.

There's an internet caf

just round the back there.

OK. l'll go and check then.

Thanks a lot for the trouble.

- Not at all. Good luck.

- Goodbye.

This ring?

- lt's turquoise. Beautiful, isn't it?

- Beautiful.

lt's just like the sea back home.

The same colour.

- How much is it?

- l'll let you have it for 275 lira.

lf l paid a deposit,

could you keep it for a few days?

- Sure. But l don't need a deposit.

- Reall

All right, goodbye.

What kind of smartass computer

is this?!

''Did you mean this?

Did you mean that?''

Yes, that's what l meant!

Hello, Metin? l was in the shower.

l couldn't anmer. What's up?

How can he quit?

We're on stage tonight!

What? l don't get it.

Are you off your head?

Look, l've gone without pay myself

...just so he gets his. Ungrateful sh*t!

lt's not on, Metin!

Do what you like. l don't know.

Metin! l'm not doing my number

at Zarifi with three saz players...

...so people can laugh at me. OK?

Please! Get this sorted.

Well, OK. Wasn't ibo supposed to

come and play for one night?

How come? No, l'm not having it!

No, l..

OK. OK, get this sorted.

Hah! Wait! Are the posters

and eveything all set?

OK, OK, OK.

All right, bye.

Ooph! All l get is crap

the whole time.

Hello? Who's that?

Metin? Metin who?

Firuzan's manager Metin?

Hah! OK. What are you up to?

Tonight? Look, l'm

not really in the mood.

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