F*** the Prom Page #5

---

worth your while.

Let me take off

those tighty whiteys.

Mm.

Yeah, no.

Wait, which one?

You said yes, and then

you said no.

It's gonna be a pass.

"Pass"? [scoffs]

You can't just pass.

Or shoot the ball,

whatever.

You're not really good with

sports metaphors, are you?

Not really.

[punk music playing]

[Maddy]

Hey, City, wait up.

What is it, Dadner?

Well, I thought we could

have some girl time.

You're shitting me.

What, you don't

do girl time?

Somewhere in there

I know you do.

Oh, great.

Hey, Maddy.

What's up, Stuffs?

My name is Stufts.

It's Stufts, not Stuffs.

And I've nothing more

to say to you.

You really don't wanna

go to prom with me?

Not even slightly.

Why don't you wanna

go with me?

Are you dense?

Because you cheated on me

with my best friend.

It was a mistake, baby.

And now that

you're with Tighty...

I mean Cole.

I realize that I can't stand to throw

away our relationship like this.

Maybe you should have

thought of that

before you had your tongue

hanging out of Marissa's nose.

She sent you that pic?

Never mind. Uh, look.

I f***ed up.

All right? And I don't expect

things to go back to normal.

But we have talked

about prom for years.

We have to go together.

Just because you apologize

doesn't mean you get

what you want.

Madeline.

I'm sorry.

All right? Truly.

But please don't let

a single mistake

rob us of our final

memories together.

At the very least

don't embarrass yourself

by making new ones

with the losers at school.

[slow clap]

Nice speech.

You know,

to some of us,

you're the loser.

You know, maybe if I'd kept

dating Stufts all these years,

she'd be less of

an emo a**hole.

I'm not emo.

[sighs] Come on, let's go hang

out with Cole and the others.

Wait.

You and Kane?

Oh, come on, you knew.

No, I didn't.

You're the one

he left for me.

Yes, technically, but...

seeing as I don't

really care,

at all, just drop it,

okay?

So when

Marissa said she got

some girl out of the way,

that was you?

- You're that girl?

- Yes, how do you...

not know this?

I mean, you're best friends

with all of the people

who hate me

and call me Stuffs.

I never took

part in it.

I don't even know why

they call you that. Tell me.

Fine.

[girls chatting]

All of the boys have been

talking about

which one of us

has the biggest chest.

That is so judgmental.

Like we can

control our bodies.

I've been stuffing

for, like, two weeks.

I'm getting

so much attention.

[girl] Stuffing?

Toilet paper

in my bra.

It totally sells.

Kane even talked

to me today.

[girl] OMG.

Wait, but isn't he

dating someone?

[Marissa] Yeah, but she's

a total Aunt Jemima.

You mean she's black?

No. She's just

flat as a pancake.

He'll lose interest

soon enough.

Hey, Kane.

Hey, there's my girl.

I'm gonna go

get more fries.

Oh, I'm so sorry!

Oh!

Wow.

- [students laughing]

- Wait, wait, you...

What are you doing?

Hey, wait.

No.

And Stuffs was born.

All because I wanted

Kane to like me.

And then he ended up

with me.

You know, it's funny.

I might have become you

had that not happened.

Maybe it's better

you didn't.

"Maybe"?

I'd say definitely.

Come on, Dadner.

Let's go.

[thrilling music playing]

[Cole] All right, so TJ and

Emile, you get above this stage,

and that is our grand finale.

Just one small issue.

It's Shabbos tomorrow,

so I can't do anything

involving electricity.

Or using the phone.

Or money.

Until after sundown.

Don't worry,

I'll come to your house

and take care of

the dirty work for you.

Okay.

Sounds great.

Perfect. It looks like

we're good to go.

- Yes.

- Cool.

[all clamoring]

[cell phone vibrates]

What was that?

- Nothing.

- Okay, now I have to see.

Yep, he's right.

Nothing.

Well, now I have to see.

[inhales sharply] Oh.

Well, now we have to see.

What is it?

Marissa pics.

Oh, let me see that.

It's for the scandal,

not the girl parts. Gross.

Just chill, guys, okay?

She's just trying to get me

to go to prom with her.

This is perfect.

Beyond.

All right, um,

fill me in.

You have to take her.

[Cole] Wait, what?

Oh, I get it. Hmm.

All right. Somebody just

clue me in here.

If she goes with you,

then we can set her up and ensure

everything we have planned

she gets the worst of.

What's this?

Yes.

My son having a party?

Why in God's name would anyone

wanna come to a party he throws?

Oh, 'cause they're

all freaks.

But Maddy is here.

We were just finishing up.

Oh, I'm so sorry

you guys are leaving.

You know, Maddy,

if you wanna hang out,

I'll totally

get you guys beers.

But you can't tell

your parents, okay?

Okay, huh?

Huh?

Goodbye, Dad.

Okay.

Dude, when your balls drop...

All right. Well,

on that note...

let's call it a night.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

We'll see you guys later.

Bye.

[gentle music playing]

[Maddy] Hey.

Ah... I thought

you took off.

Well, I tried,

but your dad insisted on showing

me his school yearbooks.

All four years.

Ah, I'm so sorry.

Nobody should have to

endure that alone.

Hey, you're really incredible

in leading us all.

More like you.

It was all your idea.

I'm no leader.

Well, I think you are.

So, are you sure you want me

to take Marissa to the prom?

I know it sounds mean,

but, yeah.

I mean, she deserves it,

and now that Kane's

not gonna take her,

we need to ensure that

she shows up.

Yeah.

I was just kind of...

really looking forward

to going with you.

Oh.

I mean, I know it would

just be as friends and all,

and possible crushes

and whatever, but...

even just getting to hang out

with you for the night,

that's just...

I'm... I'm sorry.

- It's okay. Really.

- I don't know what I'm doing.

It's fine.

I gotta go.

I'll call you tomorrow.

Yeah, tomorrow.

Are you all right, chicklet?

I'm fine, Mom. I'm fine.

Honey, I know you don't

always love our advice,

but you can try and

talk to us.

And we can try not

to screw it up.

I feel like I'm on a treadmill

going way too fast

for me to possibly step off,

so I just keep going

faster and faster.

Wait a minute,

I don't understand.

I thought you hated the gym.

No, Mom.

I'm talking about prom.

- Oh.

- Ah.

Wow, prom.

Metaphors are not

our cup of soup.

I don't get why I care

about it so much.

Because, missy, ever since

you were a little girl,

all you talked about

was prom.

You would try on my dresses and

dance around in your room

with your little

Teddy Ruxpin doll.

So cute.

[Murphy] You were adorable

You even crowned your other

stuffed animals king and queen.

I hate to admit it,

but I want to be prom queen.

Even though it sounds

stupid and shallow.

It doesn't sound stupid

at all, honey.

- No.

- It's a little shallow,

but it's not stupid.

Most girls feel that way.

Did you wanna be

prom queen?

Of course I wanted

to be prom queen.

But I'm sorry. Nobody

was gonna put a crown

on Murphy Dadner's and

Christine Likinfelt's head.

Oh, come on.

I know it's hard to believe,

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote