F*** the Prom Page #7

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At NYC and NYA

Fly to Vegas

And call it a day

Time to get

This party rocking

When's it gonna be?

Every day, every night

Every hour, all the time

Whoo!

Hello, students,

and welcome to the best

night of your lives.

Prom! Whoo! Whoo!

Whoo! Whoo!

Seriously, you'll be lucky

if you can top it.

Oh, and don't forget to vote

for your prom king and queen.

Oh, and don't forget to

wear a condom...

or pull out.

Whatever.

Have a great night.

Whoo wee!

[City] So, guys, I spiked

the punch bowl.

Just like a little bit.

[indistinct chatter]

- Are we good to go?

- Yeah.

The voting in for

prom queen and king

is said to guarantee

Marissa and Kane win.

And we are totally ready to

Carrie them with paint.

That reference is

so played out.

Can't we call it wrecking

them from Degrassi?

Oh, my gosh, do not

reference that stupid show.

Who cares what

we call it?

All right? We just have

to make sure

that they're both up there

at the same time.

Where's Dadner?

She's out.

[scoffs] That pidge.

Well, the proverbial jig

is up, my friends.

Why am I even at prom?

I didn't want to come to prom.

Hey!

We don't need Maddy

to validate this.

All those people out there,

just want their perfect

high school memories

to their perfect

high school life.

We can't let that

happen again.

So let's go out there

and give them

just a small taste of what they've

done to each and every one of us.

You guys ready to make this

a prom they will never forget?

- Yeah.

- Hell, yes.

I'm so turned on

right now.

Come on, guys,

let's bring it in.

- All right, here we go.

- Whoo!

[all] One, two, three!

- We are Groot!

- What?

- All right, all right.

- So many options.

[together] One, two, three!

Holler G.

- Oh, my God.

- Goodness gracious.

Come on, guys...

We go bass side?

Okay, I think

we should stop.

- [music playing]

- [students chattering]

Can I cut in?

Leave us alone, Marissa.

Are you kidding me?

You forgive him and not me?

F this.

Hey, babe.

I have something

special for you.

It's over here.

What's so funny?

Nothing.

Nothing at all.

- Punch?

- Yeah, whatever.

[ding]

Here you go.

All right.

All ready.

Okay, hand me the flashlight.

Uh... [chuckles nervously]

I wish I'd have met

you sooner.

I would have given anything to have a

friend like this the past four years.

I wish we would have

met sooner, too.

And, Efraim,

it's okay to look.

No, seriously.

Look right now.

Now plug in the HD mic cord

and let's get out of here.

Got it.

All right.

What are you

staring at, Sweats?

[tummy rumbling]

Oh, my God!

[dance music playing]

[cell phones chiming]

Oh, you're gay.

Yo, bro, are you gay?

No, you're

out of the clique.

[all arguing]

Girl, you're straight?

Get out of the clique.

[clamoring]

Hey, now. Hey, now.

Everything is still okay.

Just calm down.

Now then,

let's watch your life

in memories.

The best memories

that any of you

will ever have.

Ever.

Hit it.

[music playing]

[students exclaiming]

I have to admit. This feels

pretty good, Efraim.

Efraim?

[students laughing]

[students laugh]

Guys. It's not...

It is not me.

It's me, all right,

but it's not my penis.

It's not my penis!

[all laugh]

You realize you're probably gonna get

arrested for distributing porn, right?

Worth it.

Oh, no. You are coming

with me, little man.

No, I can't be

touched by a girl.

Well...

We will never be able

to unsee that.

Which might not

be a bad thing.

All right, all you crazy kids.

Voting is officially closed.

It's time to find out

our king and queen.

What the hell

are you doing?

Going against

my better judgment.

I know you're still

in love with me.

Sorry, though.

No happy ending for us.

I'm saving that for Maddy.

You can be

such an a**hole.

Wanting to be with

my girlfriend

when we win king and queen

makes me an a**hole?

You're the one trying to

get with me right now.

Okay, first of all,

in your dreams.

And second, I know you're

not an a**hole, Kane.

You just mastered

acting like one.

As a former prom queen,

this is a moment that

you never forget.

It symbolizes

an entire school

coming together and agreeing

upon one thing.

Popularity.

You know, I remember when you weren't

such a complete douche lick.

And somewhere in my

cold, dead heart, I...

[sighs]

I still want my last

memories with you

to be something more

than just terrible.

[Statszill]

Let's reveal this thing.

I know how I left

you for Maddy was shitty.

Then why did you do it?

Because I had to.

No, you didn't.

You could have just broken up

with me like a normal person.

Instead of giving in to all the

pressures of becoming king jock

and kicking me to the curb

like some stray dog.

This year's

king and queen are...

Can I get a drumroll?

Now...

Okay, I'll do it myself.

[imitating drumroll]

I mean, whatever happened

to that sweet kid

that used to ask permission

to kiss me?

Who used to give me

rubber bands every day

because you knew

I liked to play with them.

[gasps] Not surprisingly...

Maddy and Kane!

[students cheering]

Are you kidding me!

I gotta go.

Trust me...

you don't want to.

What the hell, guys? That

was supposed to be Marissa.

[cheering continues]

Enjoy it...

Wow.

This is a surprise.

Okay, this was

all Maddy's idea.

She does not deserve

our judgment.

Wow, Cole.

That was very big of you.

Yeah, very big.

This is something

I've always wanted.

Uh, Kane?

Where is Kane?

Be a good guy, Cole.

You're a bigger man than

either one of us are.

Mutey, hit it.

[students gasping]

Saved you.

[girl] That dress is wrecked.

[students gasping

and murmuring]

Now you know

what it feels like...

a**holes.

[fire alarm blaring]

[all screaming]

How could you

do this to me?

I never did anything

to you.

It wasn't supposed to

go down like that.

It wasn't supposed

to be you.

[Maddy] You blame your entire

shitty high school experience

on me as if you being

a loser is my fault.

You just stood on the

sidelines judging me,

thinking you were better

than me.

Right. I'm sorry.

Sorry's not good enough.

Are you kidding me?

Tighty lives.

[students laughing]

[boy] Tighty's back!

[laughter and jeering]

Enough!

I'm sorry, Maddy.

But this is all on you.

What?

I didn't even

do anything.

Exactly.

You never do anything.

Which is exactly why

guys like Kane

think it's okay to

torment us endlessly.

Because there are no

consequences to their actions.

You stay their friend.

You go to their parties.

You become their girlfriend

or boyfriend.

You stand idly by like

citizens of a war who believe

they have no blame

for the atrocities

that happen in high school.

So, yeah,

we ruined your night.

So what?

We didn't

shoot up the school,

none of us

committed suicide.

Even though we may

have thought of it

just because of the way

you treat us.

And the saddest

part is that

most of us just wish

you liked us.

We even fall in love

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