Faces Page #5

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I can take criticism.

Hmm?

What's the matter with me?

You don't want me to be crude?

All right, I won't be crude.

Jeannie Jeannie, I'm a nice guy.

Would you think that

I weigh 190 pounds? Huh?

You're married.

Oh, Jeannie, am I married.

Yeah, I'm married.

I got a son almost as old as you.

He thinks he's a grown man.

He goes to college.

I wanted him to go to one of those

Midwestern schools and play football...

but his mother said, "No. No football."

So he said, "All right. What the hell.

Okay, no football."

So instead he goes to Dartmouth.

Goes out for tennis instead.

All day long he walks around in tennis shoes.

What kind of a thing is that

for a grown boy to walk around

in tennis shoes all day long?

What the hell. He's my son. Even if

he wants to nance around, I say, "So what?"

Everybody's gotta lead

their own life, right?

So, he goes out

for swimming and track...

and wears tennis shoes.

Jeannie, do you know what it is

to be a promo man in a firm like mine, huh?

I'll tell ya.

You meet more millionaires

and more presidents...

than you dream could exist.

And that seems like

a big thing to you, huh?

So, what have I got

after all those years?

A big house, a kooky wife

and a kid who wears sneakers.

[Laughter]

[Chattering]

Hey, Jeannie baby!

Hey. You're all right, Jeannie baby!

- [Laughing]

- Whoo!

Hey. Turn out these lights, will ya?

Looks like an office in here.

How do you expect to make out

with all these lights on?

What do you say, slick?

[Laughing]

[All Shouting]

## [Vocalizing]

Hey. You know what?

You've got quite a tummy.

You've got

Hasn't he got a Huh?

Hey. How about a little kiss

for my buddy?

How about a Ooh!

[Jeannie]

Have a good time. Stella, lock up when you go.

Wait a minute.

Where you goin'? Hold on!

- Leave me alone.

- Will you leave her alone!

Just get out of here!

Now, what are you makin' a scene for? Huh?

- Come on. Give me a break.

- Give you a break?

Why? You think you deserve a break?

- Look, I met this guy.

- You met this guy. So?

- [Stella] Leave her alone.

- Ah, shut up! Will you sit down!

So you met this guy.

Go ahead. So you met this guy.

What about him? You in love with this guy?

You hate this guy?

- You went to college with this guy?

- No.

Come on.

Don't do this. Don't.

All right. Come on, will ya?

Cut it out.

You son of a b*tch!

[Jackson]

There's this joke about the Siamese twins.

What?

Have you ever heard that

that old belly-twister, uh...

about the Siamese twins?

- No.

- [Chuckles]

One is named June

and the otherJuly.

- Is that a real one?

- Oh, no, no, no.

Let me light that for you.

Thank you.

Oh, boy, women.

If I live to be a million,

I'll never understand 'em.

Crazy broads.

Aw, shoot, now.

Come on over here, huh?

[Laughing]

Come on. Will ya?

Come on.

Come on, you son of a gun.

Come on, now. Come on.

Come on.

Ooh, you.

Come on!

[Laughing]

You know you're nuts?

- You know that, don't you?

- [Doorbell Rings]

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Don't go away.

Come on in.

Join the party.

There's been a lot of controversy

over you tonight.

- Oh, no, there hasn't been any controversy.

- Sure there has.

- You're the one in the bar, right?

- That's right.

- Been waitin' a couple of hours?

- That's right.

- Well, take your coat off. Relax, join the party.

- Hey, stop that.

Okay. Come on. Sit down.

We'll just have a couple drinks, then we'll

get out of here. You don't mind, do ya?

- What's your name, by the way?

- Richard.

[Jim] Well, Richard, Richard.

That-a-boy. That's a nice name Richard.

Isn't that a nice name, Jackson?

Hey, Richard. Richard. Richard!

I'm talkin' to you, boy.

Come on. Pay attention. Let's go.

I'm Jim, that's Joe and, uh,

Stella I suppose you know.

[Jackson]

Hey, what do you do, Richard?

I'm a businessman.

- Insurance, huh?

- That's right.

[Chuckles]

At least he's not a fag, huh, Jeannie?

- Well, maybe I am.

- [Laughing]

The boy Richard is all right.

Your friend Richard

[Jackson]

He's got spirit, hasn't he, Jim?

Listen, now that we're through with basic training,

can we knock off the grade school theatrics?

- Jeannie

- # I used to work in Chicago

in a department store #

#I used to work in Chicago

I do but I don't anymore #

#A lady came in, she asked for a whoop

What kind of whoop said I #

#Whoop she said, whoop I said

I did but I don't anymore ##

[Laughing]

Richard, you don't know

a goddamn thing about women, do ya?

You know that women are basically

all whores? Did you know that?

Ooh!

I'm sorry.

[Jim]

Excuse me, Jeannie.

- You're married, right?

Wouldn't you say he's married, Jackson?

- Oh, yeah. He's married.

- Very much so.

- Forty-eight, unhappy as hell.

Uh-huh. Separated, out for a good time.

Out for a good time!

Lookin'for a little

momentary relationship.

Who the hell are you guys?

Oh, didn't we tell ya, Richard?

We're the police.

- Oh, yeah, we're the vice squad.

- Vice squad!

[Stella]

They're not. They'rejust kidding.

So, look, you run along home, sonny boy,

and play with your own.

[Stella] Joe is JoeJackson.

Jim is Jim McCarthy.

He's vice president of Metal

[Jackson]

Industries of the Pacific West Coast...

and affiliate companies.

- Jackson's supposed to mix the drinks, right?

- Right.

- Jackson, get me a double-double scotch.

- Straight?

- No soda and no ice.

- No soda, no ice.

Neat, clean,

straight down the line, huh?

Dickie, why don't you go?

What do I do now?

Take my coat off?

What you want me to do?

Take my coat off? All right.

- All right. Step outside.

- No.

- What do you mean, "no"?

- If you think I'm gonna fight in the dark,

you're crazy.

- We can't fight in Miss Rapp's house.

- Why not?

Why not? Look, McCarthy, why don't you

just get out? Nobody wants you around.

- Oh, nobody wants me around, huh?

- Right.

A little while ago, you almost fainted

when I offered you 200 bucks.

- Oh!

- Two hundred bucks. Who needs ya!

You're not even pretty!

- I hope he knocks you on your fat prat!

- Take it easy.

- You wanna fight or not?

- You wanna go through with it?

What are you, yellow?

Oh, now you did it!

Now you did it!

Now your head's gonna

leave your body.

- Hey, do you need any help, boss?

- No!

No! No, I don't need any help!

No!

[Grunting, Yelling]

[Jim]

Ooh, you wanna fight dirty, eh?

- Hey, hey, hey.

- I'll kill him. Oh, my knee!

My knee. I'll kill ya.

Ooh, my knee, my knee!

- You shouldn't have done it so long.

- I'll kill him!

- All right. Come on.

- Get out of my way!

Come on. Will you go on?

Come on, boy.

I'll kill him. Oh, my knee, my knee.

Take it easy, will ya?

Ow! God! I'll kill that bum.

I'll take him apart

and put him together again!

Yes, sir. Look, just a minute.

For crying out loud, I know you'll kill him.

- What's the matter with you?

I've taken guys twice his size.

- I'll bet you have.

I had a 300-pound wrestler,

gave me some gaff.

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