Fack ju Goehte 2 Page #7

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- Yeah?

And we'll give you your computer back

if you promise

to stop chatting naked.

Zeynep!

- Hey, I love them so much too.

Give me yours.

Yes.

What do you mean, you miss me?

Do I know you?

Show me your dick. Kevin.

Man, my mother's

got a thrift shop pre-paid.

Sometimes a few people

share the same number.

Yeah man, it's true.

I know we haven't spoken much

since your mother moved out.

I know it's not easy for you.

My wish is that some day,

I can just give you a hug.

Dad.

You're manipulating us!

You don't know anything about us.

Hey, YOU!" phone.

Most of us will be losers forever.

Hey, ugly duckling. What'd you get?

I don't have a text message.

E-mail?

WhatsAPP?

Facebook messenger?

- Stop bugging me, Zeynep.

Mom only turns her phone on

when she's sober.

Hey, it rang.

Chill out!

Chantal, you nightmare in platforms.

Your mother's

not here for you, but I am.

You can come to me when you're

scared or freaking out.

I may not always know how to show it,

but you're my favorite monster

in the whole class.

How sweet!

To me, you're gifted.

Gifted at dressing like a slut, dissing

people, and in driving me nuts.

Maybe because you're important to me.

Even if I won't always be your teacher.

You'll never be alone

as long as I'm here.

Please stop drawing hearts

on my sneakers,

it's incredibly annoying.

Oh my God.

Who's it from?

From me, you freak.

Is she getting better grades

than us now?

I dislike you all equally.

Can I hug you?

No.

You're like a father to me.

One I could have sex with too,

if he insisted.

Eeuw. Chanti, you're so disgusting.

OK.

Can you imagine that

what you got from your parents,

you could get from everyone?

You give something

and you get something back.

Now go Pl3Y-

No, no, no!

Wait!

Man, it's going to drain

all the dye out of my hair.

You're gorgeous.

- Don't move.

What're you doing?

Don't f*** around.

- The princess needs her crown.

What's happening, Ploppi?

The ring thing doesn't work,

you get that, right?

Magic's been dead

since the middle ages.

When you do that, it looks crazy.

I have Asperger's. 11 percent.

I have vodka. 40 percent.

You don't like to be touched, huh?

- No.

Oh, man, don't smudge

my make-up, you freak!

It's just color pigments and oil.

Paraffins.

Maybe a formaldehyde splitter.

Paraffinder?

Petroleum. Almost everything's

made of petroleum.

Fertilizer. Chemicals. Plastic.

What!? That's totally gross.

Petroleum used to be this.

Algae and crustaceans.

They decay and become oil

millions of years later.

Don't say that.

- Yes.

Mr. Miller doesn't mean it that way.

He wants us to grow... up out...

To grow out of it.

- Exactly.

Mr. Miller is an a**hole.

- Yeah, but all teachers are a**holes.

Better a cool a**hole.

- Ms. Schnabelstedt deserves better.

What's she look like naked?

Is she prettier than me?

I don't want to hurt either one of you.

Maybe you only pretend to like her,

since you can't be with her anyway.

She's old and she'd go to prison.

You just keep fantasizing

and get even crazier

than now, with your weird touch problem.

I can't touch people.

It just doesn't work.

It's a trick. My uncle had Asperger's

too and he could taste numbers.

When he had to touch broccoli,

he fainted.

But they undid the broccoli thing.

You can get rid of tricks.

- Tics, not tricks.

Maybe I'll come up

with something for you.

Maybe you're my project.

Then I'll put you on YouTube.

Asperger's tutorial.

No, I won't do it.

Pretty darn hot today, eh?

Enjoy the view.

Or have a drink.

Or maybe the bathroom?

Dig her up right now!

Unbelievable!

I've got the last diamond!

- Great!

Mission accomplished.

- Almost.

Chantal will pull you up.

- No, please, the ladder!

The ladder, the ladder, the ladder!

Stop moaning, you'll swallow water

and she'll give you mouth to mouth.

I hate you!

Give me your hand!

You can do it, Ploppi.

See.

One less trick, Ploppi.

I sh*t you not. Since my mother got

WhatsApp, she sends pictures.

Do you live in real houses?

With real windows?

Maybe we could buy beds for the cave?

That'd be great, they'd love it.

An orphanage makes more sense.

Could you all press mute?

We're not interfering.

You said we should give back.

Why aren't you giving back?

I'm the negative example

so you understand the rule.

Besides, they're happy.

Do you have any idea

what an orphanage costs?

20,000?

25,000?

Yes?

This is Mr. Long.

- Who?

You have to come to the camp right now!

Dangerous and Burak are insane!

They stole our bikinis!

And two 'rhinoses'!

We're Bibi and Tina!

Hear the clopping

Horses trotting.

See them running,

see them hopping.

Who could that be?

Here come Zeynep and Chanti,

in New Yorker and Forever 21.

They smoke too much,

they drink too much,

because they're twats.

What did you take?

We discovered something!

- Yeah. - Paradise.

Cedric didn't want

to give us any of the weed.

But they have tons of it.

So much weed, Mr. Miller.

Give me something!

Look sad.

Cedric, the 2-kilo bags

need to go out today.

A sprinkler's broken in section B.

You are not an aid organization at all.

We're registered as one.

Gas!

Chantal, bring the gas.

Don't plants need water?

You wanted a teacher?

You got a teacher.

You're crazy! You're children!

Film this for Ms. Schnabelstedt.

- OK.

I'm burning the drugs.

Happy now?

Am I a good teacher now?

Run!

Get out!

Chanti, what's happening?

He's starting a fire.

One question, you idiot.

A plantation this size and

you don't earn enough to eat?

We're just employees.

- What? Whose?

We had a few plants

then Mr. Woelki came

and said we should expand, optimize.

He said he'd take care of us.

But he keeps 85%.

And the donations of course.

Are you shitting me?

- He said we'd be adopted.

But that was 3 years ago.

Now almost everyone has pubic hair.

The Internet says if you have

pubic hair, you'll never be adopted.

Bravo, Cedric.

Just brilliant

how you stuck to our plan.

And I told you not to interfere!

You're f***ed.

Close that or I'll report you!

And, Cedric, 15% is still more than any

f***ing Fair Trade coffee farmer gets!

But they're not minors, you a**hole!

Do you have a clue what it's like

to always get f***ed over as a kid?

To be hungry and fending for yourself?

To constantly hide,

and dream of being just a normal kid?

Oh, man, I'm going to cry.

Maybe I'll report you.

Who's going to

believe a criminal

and a few stinking orphans?

You want to lose

the shitty bit of life you still have?

Even if I do.

My life might not have been shitty

if someone burned

my crack lab when I was 14.

Sh*t!

Hello?!

Was your childhood

really like that?

I need to leave before he wakes up.

Run to Ms. Meyer,

tell her what happened.

When the cops ask,

say you don't know anything.

Say you thought I was a completely

normal teacher. Act like

like totally innocent children.

Yeah.

Like that. That looks real.

OK.

Come on, Danger.

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