Failure to Launch Page #3

See you.

- You ready?

- Yeah.

Okay, you two kids have a blast.

- Thanks.

- Hey, Kit, good luck with the...

It's a chipmunk bite.

I figured.

Obviously not a normal chipmunk.

You're right about that.

No, this was like a big, oversized, like,

bobcat, grizzly-bear chipmunk.

I'm pretty fortunate to still be here.

- Wow.

- Yeah.

What did the doctor say?

I didn't need to see a doctor.

I had some cream at home

that I put on it.

- You had chipmunk cream?

- Yeah.

- Wow, that's lucky.

- Isn't it?

I take it you like Japanese food.

Oh, I love it.

I'm also gonna order a huge dessert,

drink too much,

and maybe talk about my old boyfriends.

- Yeah?

- Does that intimidate you?

Not at all.

Cheers, Paula.

Cheers.

All right, T-R-l-double-P going in

to get a little squid.

Do you need me to help you with that?

I got it. I got it. Look at this, look at this.

I admire the confidence.

Thank you. I am fairly...

ambidextrous.

Oh, sh*t.

I'm sorry! Excuse me.

Squid's a little bit greasy tonight.

Sorry. Yeah.

That's not easy to do.

I didn't see anything.

Tell me about yourself.

What do you do for a living?

I teach special needs kids.

- How's the hand?

- It's fine.

- Is it throbbing?

- No.

Is the medication wearing off?

Gotta scratch.

Oh, yeah.

Well,

home again.

Home again.

I had a nice time.

I did, too.

Good.

I had fun.

Good.

Shut up!

Shut up you crazy bastard bird b*tch!

Hey, Kit!

What? Hi.

Can you guys see me?

- Yeah!

- Yeah.

Oh. Great.

What?

Dinner and a show.

Good night.

Good night.

Now, what type of a boat

do you see yourself in?

Well, I'm not sure.

But I do know that I need

to be out in the open sea.

Well, you gotta ask yourself

some questions.

Do you like speed?

Do you like to hear

the roar of an engine?

Do you want to get from point A

to point B as quickly as possible?

If that turns you on,

then you want a powerboat.

Okay, that's it. That's it.

Power. That's me. Yes.

Well, that's one way to go.

But maybe you want to slow down.

You know, listen to the wind

and the water.

Have sunrise and sunset

as your only clock.

Know that you could go

around the world

on less than a tank of gas.

Now, if that sounds good to you,

then maybe you're sailors.

This is not a hobby. This...

It's a lifestyle.

Well, now that is passion!

- What has happened to you?

- What's happened to me?

I want to feel the wind.

I do not want to feel...

I want to make the wind, okay? Look...

- Make the wind?

- Yeah. I'm not a sailor.

You don't make wind

sitting on a boat in a dock.

I'm a power guy. Power.

Like "power boat."

- You're a power guy?

- Excuse me.

- I want to feel that beneath...

- Guys who drink Kahlua and cream

are not power guys, honey.

Tripp.

Whoa, slow down, slow down, Paula.

Mr. Fritz was my best friend

since he was a little puppy.

Just a little fur ball.

He was too small

to even jump up on the bed

and now he's...

He's...

Got a tissue or something?

- He saved my life, you know.

- He did?

And now I can't do

anything for him, and I...

Oh, sh*t.

I'm so glad you're here.

Yeah, of course I am.

Can I have a minute alone with him?

Thank you.

- I'll be right outside.

- Okay.

Thanks, Gretchen.

Anytime.

Gosh, Emotional Crisis Day

is so critical.

I cry, he cries.

It totally bonds us.

So how long do you think

he's gonna sleep for?

Half an hour.

He's only here for some dental work.

Oh. What's his real name, anyway?

I don't know.

I just clean their teeth

and chop their balls off.

God, that is so sad.

Yeah, it was a beautiful dog, man.

She was devastated.

Well, this is exactly what she needs.

Good choice.

- There she is. Hey, Paula.

- Hi.

Paula, these are my good friends,

Demo and Ace. Guys, Paula.

Hi, it's nice to meet you.

- I'm so sorry for your loss.

- Come on, don't.

Thank you.

- Nice suit. How you doing?

- Thank you. Hi.

You know, most guys would've

sent flowers, chocolates maybe,

but I gotta say,

I did not see this coming.

Well, you know,

anybody can send flowers, Paula.

Now, I'm going to let you in

on "the" secret.

It's called the "finger roll."

Quick fingers, light on the trigger.

See, double trigger...

More paintballs in less time

means victory.

Let's see it.

When you're out there today

and you got these paintballs

flying at you at over 200 miles an hour,

I guarantee you will not be thinking

about the late, great Mr. Fritz.

Holy moly. They really move that fast?

Oh, my God!

I'm so sorry!

Nice shot!

- Oh, thanks.

- He's okay.

Let's go shoot some strangers, huh?

First one to paint the skirt gets a beer.

I think that guy just laughed at me.

Who are these guys?

They go by "Devil Babies."

They finished third

in the National Championship.

This should be an excellent test

of our skills.

- Wait. These guys are champions?

- All right, all right.

They didn't win it.

Go!

Move, move, move!

Let's go!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Let's go! Go, go, go, go!

There you are! Look alive!

I'm out.

- Watch out!

- Watch it!

Come on, blondie!

Am I out?

I didn't know they sold beer here.

They don't.

There you go! Stay down, Paula!

Stay down!

Can I have one?

No.

Check it out!

Warm day, huh?

Nice talking to you.

Damn it!

Paula?

Sorry! Sorry!

Does it count if it was an accident?

Bad finger roll.

All right, I need you to come to me.

No, thanks. I'm just gonna

stay over here till it's over.

- Now!

- Okay.

I'm out.

Sh*t! I'm out!

- You will not have died in vain!

- Stay down.

Paula, where are you?

Finger roll. Finger roll. Finger roll.

Oh, Tinkerbell!

Come out, come out, wherever you are!

The sooner you lose,

the sooner you can go shopping!

Oh, man!

Who's laughing now?

You did it!

- Get out of here!

- Boy, you made it!

Come on!

Where'd that come from?

- Look at you!

- I love it.

- Hey, Kit!

- Kind of fun, huh?

You know what?

I'm gonna go powder my nose.

I take it you're over

your dead golden retriever.

You know, if I really had a dog

and he really had died,

I think this would have totally helped.

Man, she's got good spatial awareness.

And great hair!

- Thanks.

- She's a keeper, man.

She's really great. Really great, Tripp.

So can we go now?

Meeting the friends is very important.

Guys need to know

we not only like them,

but we like their friends, too.

Fine. The tall one's kind of cute.

What's he do?

Oh, he's some kind of software writer.

He works out of his basement,

but he makes a lot of money.

Oh, you know what?

No, that's the little guy.

The tall one just got fired from Kinko's.

How will I choose?

This is going very well.

Good. So we can go now.

Not until I get "the nod."

If I don't get "the nod,"

the friends undermine.

I think you're getting "the nod."

Oh, yeah.

Oh, Tripp is just cruising

through the steps.

In fact, I think tomorrow

I'm gonna let him teach me something.

Now, basically there's two ways

to turn a boat.

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