Failure to Launch Page #6

I'm hungry.

Captain, you just had nachos,

two hot dogs, and a bag of peanuts.

I didn't have ice cream.

My bad.

Fine. Can I have a fruit bar?

Now you're getting good.

That's good. A negotiator here. All right.

Hey, wait for me.

Let's check with Miss Paula,

see if she needs anything.

Maybe a Royal's Number One

foam finger.

Don't come back without a foam finger.

You got it.

Tripp and Jeffrey are very cute together,

aren't they?

- Yeah. Listen, while we have a minute,

- Yeah?

...I really want to talk to you

about the whole

dating-my-best-friend-for-money thing.

- What?

- So, this must be the date

where you show that you share

the guy's intense passion for something

that, really, you don't have

the slightest interest in.

Okay, look, I don't know

what you heard, but...

Ace told me everything.

Don't worry, I haven't ratted you out.

Truth is, I support your overall goal.

But if you really want to help him,

and I think you do,

you have to have all the facts.

Starting with the fact

that Jeffrey's not Tripp's nephew.

You ever heard of Amy?

Amy is... He's Amy's son.

Amy is Tripp's first love,

and she died six years ago.

He never told you that, did he?

Oh, my God!

I am the worst person in the world.

Oh, hey, you're home. Great.

I have to break up with Tripp.

I'm terminating my contract, and...

I can't do it.

What happened in here?

Nothing. I tripped.

Go on with your story.

Oh. Well,

Tripp was engaged.

- Okay.

- And you know Jeffrey, his nephew?

He's not his nephew.

He's not related to him at all.

Jeffrey is a boy whose mother

was gonna marry Tripp,

and she died.

That's so sad.

God, I know.

Who gives a sh*t?

I beg your pardon?

Seriously. I've never heard you

talk this way about a client before.

I don't know why you're whining

about this one.

Because...

He's been through an actual tragedy!

This is about Tripp not being

an appropriate client.

It's an ethical problem.

Who's that?

What?

In...

Oh! In...

That's Phillip.

Who's Phillip?

Phillip's...

I... Oh!

Hi, ladies.

Did I say that you could come out?

Well, well, well, well, well.

He's nice.

That's nice.

Look, I don't see

why it's so complicated.

You like Tripp. Tell Tripp you like him.

I gotta tell you something.

I told Paula about Amy.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

What? What...

Why?

You were never going to.

You never even say her name.

Amy was his ex-fiance.

She died about six years ago.

To lose love is greatest pain of all.

That's right.

It's okay to cry. We'll turn around.

I'm fine, guys.

Dude.

You had no right to do that, man.

That's my life.

You're right, you're right.

And, normally...

I believe everybody

needs to walk their own path,

but just you're not walking yours. Okay?

You're sitting near the path, on a rock.

This was the only thing I could do,

given the circumstances.

Circumstances?

Brings up the other thing I gotta tell you.

I feel a little bit bad

because I kind of implied to Paula

that I wouldn't say anything, but...

Deception's a poison.

It's like margarine.

I can't have that in my body.

God damn it, Demo, get to the point.

Come on.

Your parents hired Paula to date you

so that you'd move out of their house.

Bullshit. What are you talking about?

They're paying her to be your girlfriend.

- Paula?

- Yeah.

But she's a professional interventionist.

It's her job.

You know?

You're telling me it's not real?

No. No, it's real! It's very real!

Okay, you're upset right now.

I want to encourage you to see past

that bottomless sense of betrayal.

Focus on the future, okay?

'Cause I think you guys

could work things out.

I mean it.

I think you crazy kids have a shot.

So you came home

and he was cooking?

Yeah.

Strange.

- Hey, you know what?

- What?

- Smells good.

- I know!

Can you get that?

Hi. I didn't know that you guys

were gonna be here.

Listen, we didn't, either. Come on in.

Okay. Thank you.

Tripp's in the kitchen.

That does, too.

All right!

Tripp?

Hey, there's my girl. Come here, you.

Hey, what's going on?

Got a little family dinner.

All the people that I care about the most

together in one room. Good times.

Hey.

Listen, can we talk?

Absolutely. There's gonna be

plenty of time to talk over dinner.

But right now, I'm cooking.

Mom, Pop, you want some more "vino?"

That's good, that's good.

Oh, just a little bit more

for the y-o-u, babe.

Tripp, I don't know what to say.

Oh, Mom, will you knock that talk off?

I made this beautiful dinner tonight

to say thank you

to the people that I love the most.

All of you.

I'm truly blessed.

Mom. Pop. Sweetie.

- That's good, Son.

- Cheers.

Dig in!

Hang on. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

I'm too excited.

I have an announcement to make here.

Okay.

Paula,

the last couple of weeks

that I've spent with you have been

amazing,

surprising,

joyful,

surprising.

I can honestly say that, because of you,

I've experienced emotions

that I didn't even know I had.

So call me crazy,

but I think

we should move in together.

That's my boy!

You okay, baby? Want some water?

Thank you.

That's wonderful news.

I am so proud of you, Son.

Right? And the thing is, Mom, Dad,

I've lived upstairs since I was three,

and it's been great.

All right? You two are the best parents

that a boy could ever ask for.

I mean, I can only hope that I'm going

to be able to give my kids,

our kids,

half of the love, the respect,

the understanding, the support,

that you two have given me.

I guess what I'm saying is,

it is time for Tripp

to spread his wings.

Wow.

Well...

Well, this is very unexpected.

So here's the plan, all right?

We're going to blow out

the east wall of my bedroom,

enlarge the bathroom,

and basically turn the entire upstairs

into a secondary master suite

so there's room for the both of us,

and the both of you,

under the same roof.

What do you say?

I'm not understanding.

You want Paula to move in here?

Yes! It's the perfect solution.

Mom, Dad, you like her.

Paula, you like them.

We're all gonna be right here together

under one roof, a big happy family.

I'm telling you,

I'm getting really excited about this.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Wait just a second.

Take a deep breath here and...

Tripp, Tripp, I just think

that we should probably talk about this.

Just 'cause it's a big idea, and...

Honey, I've given this

a lot of thought, all right? It'll work!

And the best part about it is, Mom, Dad,

you won't have to keep paying Paula

to be my girlfriend.

What, did I say something wrong?

Come on.

You're all getting what you wanted.

Paula, you don't have to pretend

to like me anymore.

And, Mom, Dad,

you wanted me out of the house.

I'm out.

Tripp, wait! Tripp!

Tripp!

I don't want to hear it.

Come on, Tripp.

Please, you don't understand.

You're right. Now hold on.

I don't know what your daily rate is,

but that's everything

I've got in my wallet. There's $300.

Oh, come on, Tripp!

Which should be good for tonight,

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