Fakkah Fuzz: Almost Banned Page #9

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Man, you go next door, you see a lot

of politicians do that, too,

before they walk out and make a speech.

[chuckling]

[in Malay]

Relax, relax, relax.

[chuckles]

Oh, my god.

It's true, man.

I'm just asking you, man,

like, if you want to go to clubs, right.

You've got to understand the tics

of the different gangsters in Singapore.

Like Chinese gangsters,

they may seem menacing,

but we are still Singaporeans,

so we're not very menacing, because...

Chinese gangsters

are one of the most concerned people

that you will ever find, all right.

One of the most concerned people,

because you look at the Chinese gangster,

every time you bump into him

at Zouk or something.

You look at the Chinese gangster,

Chinese gangster looks at you.

The first question

the Chinese gangster will ask,

"You got a problem with me?

You got a problem?"

Very concerned, you know.

[audience laughing]

"You got a problem, is it?

You've got a problem?

You tell me now, what is your problem?

You got a problem, is it?"

Nobody took the time

to tell them your problem.

That's all I'm saying, you know.

Nobody turned around, "Brother."

Nobody turned to talk, "Bro! Bro!

I just broke up with my girlfriend!"

"Brother, come here.

Life must move on, okay?"

Indian gangsters are very territorial,

right? You know this, bro.

You know what it is. Indian gangsters,

you know, are very territorial, bro.

You're looking at me, going,

"Bro, I tell you, bro,

This area, bro? Don't worry, bro!

This area? I'll take care of it for you!

Don't worry, bro!

This area, I'll take care of it, bro! Bro, this is my area, bro.

I'll take care of it, bro."

"What do you mean you'll take care?"

"No, I work here as a security guard

at the condominium. I'll take care of it."

[loud laughter]

Malay gangsters...

Malay gangsters are the best,

we respect women.

We respect women. That's right! Huh?

We will never ever spike a girl's drink.

Never. Never.

First of all, there's not going to be many

Malay gangsters

because there's cover charge, but...

[audience laughing]

[chuckles]

We will never, ever, spike a girl's drink.

You know, if you ask a Malay gangster,

"Why will you never, ever,

spike a girl's drink?"

He'll say, "Bro, drugs in Singapore

are too expensive, cannot share, okay?"

[audience laughing]

Only for themselves.

You hear a lot of songs, man.

In the club, you like to, you know,

jive to a lot of the songs

in the club, right?

It's good, man. Do you like rap music?

Do you like rap music, bro? [Fuzz] What's your favorite?

[in Malay]

Too slow.

[audience laughing]

[in Malay] "I have to think...

What is it called? Why is it in English?

[in Malay] I'm not prepared!

[laughter]

[in Malay] Should I say was or is?

[audience laughing]

[in Malay] F*** it!

He asked me in English. Damn it!

[in Malay] How do I...

Kanye West! Kanye West! Kanye West!"

[chuckling]

I love the look on your face.

Look at that.

Oh, man.

I love rap.

I like it when rappers, uh...

You know, when rappers do their thing,

and one of my favorite things

that I love rappers when they do it is,

when they replace words with letters.

I think that's great.

You know, they replace words

with letters, right? Like,

Yo, man, X gon' give it to ya

You know, man, I'm a real G

Yo, I'ma F you up

You know? So I thought that it would be

a nice thing to have a full verse,

only in letters, right?

And no words, it would be like,

A, B! Stop being such a C

And suck on this D

Before I slip some E in your drink

And F you up

To show you how much I'm a real G

Your ass is gonna hurt

[audience cheering]

So you're gonna need

Some preparation H And I am not JK when I'm telling you

I'm gonna to win,

So you're gonna take this L

From this M who's starting to sound

A lot like an N

Are you gonna scream O

When I pop that P?

You ask me too many Qs

Why our R S relationship

Is not perfect to a T

That's why U won't give me any V

And when I ask you to talk to me

You say W for whatever

And now you're breaking up with me

So now you're my X

And when I ask you Y

You say every time you wanna have sex

All you want to do is Z

Hey!

[cheering]

[applause]

Listen. Listen!

Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen,

for being a part of this!

[loud cheering]

Thank you very much!

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I appreciate each and every one

of you motherfuckers out here.

[Fuzz] I really do. I really do.

They say,

"Fuzz! How do you deal with haters?"

I say, "Haters don't pay my bills,

but my supporters do."

Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen!

I will keep doing this for all of you!

Thank you very much, I love you!

In Fuzz we trust.

Still here, baby!

Thank you very much! See you!

[applause]

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