Fanboys Page #4

---

- Ah

Bah

Ba-ba, ba-da-da-da

Bah

- Yes!

- Bah, ba-ba, ba-da-da-da

Thank you for the blue balls, ladies!

Harrison Ford

is the greatest actor of all time!

In the history of cinema?

He's Han Solo, Indiana Jones. Yes!

- Deckard from Blade Runner.

- Yes. Exactly.

Greatest actor of all time.

He's never done a bad movie.

Does that sign say"electric fence"?

Watch this. Ready?

Is this lump outta my head

Let's just hope she's still here.

Oh, she'll be here.

Give her a taste of that white chocolate.

What do you think?

Oh, my God.

- 'Toid me.

- You ready?

- Yeah. Thank you.

- Nice.

Go get her.

Where have you been

all my life, sweet baby

Girl, I've been waiting

For a while now

- Hi there.

- Yes, I have

- Oh, my God!

- There's a star in the sky

That shines brightly on you

When that pretty dress

that you're wearing

- Makes you so fine

Rogue Leader, I presume?

Red 6?

Let me just put my glasses on.

What the hell?

You're a kid.

You're 12.

- I'm 10.

- You're 10?

I'm a pedophile! I'm a pedophile!

- I'm a pedophile!

- Give us a moment, please.

I have to leave this state at once.

Yea! Yea!

That was fantastic.

We drove a thousand miles, Windows.

A thousand.

For what?

So you can get funky

with Strawberry Shortcakes?

It's not really sex if it's cyber-sex.

Relax. We're gonna sit down.

We're gonna put on our thinking caps.

- And we're gonna get a better plan.

- No, it's-

I have to be back by Monday.

I haven't told you guys this yet, but my-

My dad gave me the company.

- Hey!

- Thanks, man.

Yeah, the whole thing.

The whole thing is mine now.

What's the new game plan?

Let's get in the van

and get the hell out of here.

- This is just a minor setback.

- It's a minor setback for you.

I live in the real world, okay?

I have to go back to work.

You have to go back

to... your mom's garage.

- It's a carriage house.

- It's a garage, man.

- Say it again.

- It's a garage.

- Excuse me. Excuse me.

- Guys!

- Holding my schlong!

- Okay! Okay.

- Harry Knowles.

- Harry who?

- Hello.

- This man is the ultimate fanboy, Eric.

His Web site"Ain't it Cool News"

is like every geek's homepage.

Which one of you's Windows?

Me.

I'm Windows.

- Nice to meet you-

- Oh!

Back off!

- Oh, God!

- Ohh!

Harry Knowles is kicking Windows's ass.

Now, you listen to me, perv.

If you ever e-mail my niece again,

I will hunt you down like a T-1000.

Okay, Mr. Knowles, he didn't know- Okay.

- You will release my friends.

- Back!

We wanted to break into the Skywalker Ranch.

Kimmy said she'd give us the floor plans.

We were gonna break in

and steal Episode I, that's it.

That is the stupidest thing I've heard

since Schumacher put nips on Batman.

- Ohh!

- These aren't the droids you're looking for, man.

- Heh!

- Anybody else have any stupid comments?

It's very stupid, but true. We've been

planning this since we were like six.

Listen.

Harry, Harry, Harry.

If you help us out, we'll give you all

the exclusive spoilers and all.

- Okay?

- Ohh.

That's an interesting offer.

Episode V was directed by who?

- Irvin Kershner.

- That was just a warm-up.

You. In Episode VI when Leia shoots down

two scout troopers...

why doesn't she take one

of the speeder bikes instead of walking?

If you pay attention closely,

the speeder bikes were destroyed.

And then Luke refers to it

later on in the dialogue.

Impressive. I wasn't really

worried about you though.

What was Luke Skywalker's call sign

during the rebel assault in Episode IV?

Red 5.

You are all only as strong

as your weakest link.

Hello, weakest link.

- What?

- What is the name

of Chewbacca's home planet?

- It's never discussed in the movies.

That's not fair.

I know. I know.

Do you give up?

Come on, man.

Say it.

Kashyyyk. Kashyyyk.

Chewie's home planet is Kashyyyk.

Chewie's home planet is Kashyyyk.

Well played, boys.

I'll help you.

You're gonna meet my friend in Vegas.

- He's got everything you need. Okay?

- Okay.

- How will we know who he is?

- Oh, don't worry. You'll know.

The password:
Scruffy Nerfherder.

- Scruffy Nerfherder.

- Good luck, boys.

Nice detailing.

We're going to Vegas, fellas.

Hey, Hutch, you mind slowing down?

Sorry. I don't speak jagoff.

I just thought it might be nice

to get to Vegas alive.

-

- Are you kidding me?

We got Imperial bacon.

Okay, probably not the best time

to tell you guys this...

but, uh, there's a giant bag of peyote

in the back of the van.

- What?

- Excuse me?

The Chief gave it to me.

Hutch, just pull over

and get the ticket, man, okay?

We can't pull over

with a big-ass bag of peyote on us.

Pull over and stop!

Do what he says, Hutch.

Do what he says, Hutch.

- Don't do what he says.

- Do what he says, Hutch.

- It's gonna be okay, fellas. It's gonna be okay.

- Pull over, man.

Suck my exhaust, pork rind!

- Oh, my God.

- Oh, Jesus!

- Talk to me, Goose.

- Talk to you? He's back.

- He found us!

- God!

- Move this piece of sh*t!

- You don't call my van a piece of sh*t!

- Well?

- Hey, ladies, ladies!

You got to break rule number two.

- Chewie, prepare to make

the jump to hyperspace.

- Yes!

Okay, I'm ready.

Somebody tell me

what the goddamn red button's for!

It's light speed, kid.

- Light speed?

- Yeah.

Punch it!

-

- What the- Come on!

- You're not gonna do this to me now.

- No. Okay, I'm resetting.

- Light speed. Impressive.

-

I put a tank of nitrous in this thing.

It's not firing.

- Hutch, please do something.

- Hutch!

Damn it.

Whoo!

Oh, my God!

It's working!

Whoo!

- Stay on target! Stay on target!

- Oh, God!

Oh, sh*t!

-

-

I probably shouldn't

have called that cop a fag.

I think he took it the wrong way.

Breakfast.

- Oh, God.

- Ow!

- Jesus!

- Oh, God.

Ham and cheese.

Well, look on the bright side, you guys.

This trip can't get any worse.

It just did, boys.

- What?

- I got to drop a sewer pickle.

Yeah, I got to throw her into reverse.

Bottler, give me your sandwich, bro.

Hook me up.

Another one.

- What's the sandwich for?

- I don't know.

I'm not gonna sit on this.

- Oh, Hutch!

- Jesus.

It's crawling with criminal ass germs.

- Just hover, man.

- Okay, listen up, pre-pubes.

You got a visitor-

Sweet can of corn.

What are you doing with that ham sandwich,

boy? It's not right what you're doing.

Hutch, you owe me a sock.

I had to wipe with something.

You pussies owe me, big time.

- Oh, Zoe, thank God.

- We weren't sure if you'd gotten our message.

If by message you mean Windows shrieking

into my answering machine like a little girl...

- then yes, message received.

- You don't know

what we've been through.

Hutch just took a dump in front of us.

Yeah. That's life inside the big house.

Zoe, promise me you brought the money.

I cleared out every cent

Windows had in the comic store.

- You what?

- Oh! Don't even speak.

I took two taxis, an airplane

and an all-night bus ride...

next to an old man that I am

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes