Fanboys Page #7

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Sweet. That way.

Wow.

Shatner, don't fail us now, right?

Whoa.

Yeah!

- Oh, my God.

- No way.

We're home, boys.

See, that's what I call a collection.

This is where I want my ashes scattered.

Oh!

-" Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi.

You're my only hope."

They've got Indy stuff.

Thermal detonator.

I think I'm gonna cry.

Hey. They got Willow's spell book!

You know, Willow?

Little guy?

Magical-

"Kaiya."

Who cares about Willow?

Look at this.

"Throw me the idol."

Guys, look at this.

"We've got bad dates."

One kaddam for the Hebrew god.

We have a breach in the archive room.

Breach in the archive room.

You know, no matter

how you felt about the guy...

Vader embraced his fate.

He faced death head-on.

No one moves.

Subjects have been located.

Requesting backup.

Please step away from Lord Vader.

Dude, what's up with the outfits?

Company policy.

You wanna work here,

you gotta wear the suit.

Carl, you make us wear the suit.

- Run?

- Run.

- Run.

- Zoe!

- Just go!

- I'm not leaving without her.

- What, are you crazy? It's three against one!

Never tell me the odds.

There can be only one.

Time for you to get mauled, boy.

I'm good.

- Go!

- Let's go!

Man down! Man down!

Stop! Don't move!

Run!

Subjects are fleeing to the west corridor!

- Go, go, go!

- Stop!

Go, go!

Come on!

Hmm. Yoda says going up you are.

- In!

- Get in! Get your ass in there!

- Hurry!

- Let's go!

Move it! Over there!

Over there! Let's go!

That was awesome!

Where the hell are we?

I have a bad feeling about this.

Um, you guys don't think that the, um-

We are in George Lucas's trash room.

Don't be ridiculous, okay?

The walls are not gonna close in on us.

-

- Holy-

- Jesus!

- Let's fortify the walls with this.

- Do it!

- Um, girls?

- Goddamn you, walls!

Girls!

That'd be the air duct.

- And that there's the exit.

- Yeah, the exit.

- And you guys are the big pussies.

- I knew.

"3PO!

We're all right!"

Guys, this way!

- Yikes!

- Check in here.

This one's clear.

Damn it, shut up!

I think we lost 'em, right?

Yeah, we lost them for now, but we

cannot run around this place all night.

Guys!

We're in the motherboard.

We're in.

- George Lucas's office.

- George Lucas's office!

Holy sh*t. Oh, wow.

We're- We're-

- Oh, my God.

- We're in the motherboard.

You guys need to see this.

You guys need to see this. Look.

-

- Holy Hoth!

- I think this is it. I think this is it.

- Oh, my God.

Play it. Play it.

Hey, get over here.

Come on.

-

- The crawl!

The crawl!

- Oh, my God.

-

Come on! Come on!

- Here you are.

- Yeah.

That hooker in Vegas gave me something.

What?

The truth.

I'm in love with you and, uh-

I love you too.

- Stand back.

-

- Okay, on your feet!

- Us?

- Yeah! Come on up! On your feet!

- Get on outta here! Come on!

Now! Get on your feet!

Yeah, get on your feet!

Who the hell are these people?

- And line up against the wall, all of you!

- Back against the wall!

Get up! What are you talkin' about? Hey!

Step away from the Millennium Falcon

and line up against the wall.

- Now!

- Oh.

- Oh, God.

- Linus, what are you doing, man?

I'm feeling crazy right now.

- Dude, do you have any idea

how valuable that thing is?

- Not a good idea.

Put it down. Come on.

Put it down now!

You guys stand up against the wall,

or I will smash this thing into a billion pieces!

I will.

I will smash this!

- No.

- What, you think I won't?

- No, I don't.

- No, you don't, you think that I won't...

or, no, you don't, you think that I will?

- The first one.

- I'm confused. Who's doing what now?

- You tell me.

- It doesn't matter.

Because if he puts down the Millennium

Falcon, I will smash this training remote...

erasing it from history.

- Come on, guys. Let's rethink this.

- Shut up, Windows!

- Who's doing what?

- Put down the Millennium Falcon

and the training remote...

or I will destroy this puppet.

- Craig! You can't!

- Shut up, Barry.

- Put down Master Yoda!

- You put yours down, damn it!

I can't do it!

- All right, everybody shut up!

- Oh!

Swear to God, this little ewok

is going up in flames! I'll do it.

- Do it. Go ahead. Burn it.

- I will.

- Yeah, burn it.

- Guys, nobody wants this.

- I will.

- Burn it. Burn it.

- I'm gonna. That's what I said!

- Burn it!

Good. I was always more of

a Star Trek fan anyway.

Damn Trekkies are everywhere!

All right, we'll take it from here.

Sir, give me the Falcon.

- I can't believe I let you guys get me into this.

- Shut up!

How you guys doing?

You guys doing good?

So let me get this right.

You guys wanted to see

our movie early for free.

So you broke into private property, huh?

- And you tried to steal it.

- I-I-

I haven't even seen the movie yet!

Sir, I understand that this looks bad-

It looks like three-to-five-years, locked-up,

for-breaking-and-entering bad.

That's right, sweet cheeks.

By the time y'all walk away from this...

your faces are gonna be

shrunken and shriveled...

just like your one nut.

What? How can he possibly know that?

Oh, we know about your uniball.

We know everything,

Mr. Harold Hutchinson, a. k. a. Hutch.

Son of Gloria.

Humongous Rush fan.

Dude, you're freaking me out.

How do you know this?

Because you have a Rush shirt on, dipshit.

And because we have

a dossier on every single one of you.

No one move!

Get your hands off the glass table.

Hello, Mr. Lucas.

Shut up!

Shut your mouths.

- Yes.

- I can hear his beard.

Yes. Shut up. Mm-hmm.

I don't wanna say that it was a hole in my

security, but- How did you guys break in?

- I used a grappling hook-

- And we climbed-

- Was William Shatner involved with this?

- No. Not at all.

They said no.

No. No one was hurt. Not yet.

Mm-hmm.

Okay. Very well.

Damn it. I've just been told

that what I said earlier I no longer believe.

Hmm?

Mr. Lucas is touched and mildly flattered

by what you have done here.

And I have been informed

that I feel the same way.

So the charges are gonna be dropped.

That is, of course, if you are...

what you appear to be.

Uh, what do we appear to be?

Fanboys. Something we can easily

determine with a simple quiz.

What is the name of the planet

that Leia gave Grand MoffTarkin...

as the false location of the rebel base

in Episode IV?

- Dantooine.

- What is the name of the gunner

in Luke's snow speeder?

- Dak.

- Where is a woman's g-spot located?

- What?

- If you were to ask a woman to

perform a Mississippi handbag...

where would your testicles end up?

That's not a Star Wars question.

I didn't say the nipples.

I said the little bumps around the nipples.

Yar-Arr-

That is not a Louisiana pile driver.

But you wouldn't know

about that, would you? Hmph. Virgin.

Virgin.

Areola borealis?

Near the-the, um, bumps?

That's what you do.

You aim for the eye, grab the lip...

lead her around the room-

blinding the marlin.

God, you're sexy and well-versed.

I like it.

Okay. Guards!

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