Fantozzi Alla Riscossa Page #2

Imprudence is bringing down this country.

It used to be an honest country.

Come on, let me help you.

Do you know where the wigs are ?

Who knows anything about wigs ?

I meant to say...

Good-bye !

It's dangerous to go to court against the mafia.

I know this. But I want all this to be over.

What the hell are you doing ?

I'll show you.

Where is it ?

It's here.

I'll put it all back right away.

- Stop...

- Ugo....

Wait, stop !

Hello !

Excuse me !

Could you tell me where the judges' room is ?

Mortacci Ugo !

Go ! Only you were missing.

- How did you decorate yourself ?

- In civil judge.

Fantozzi's decorations :

A magistrat's robe,

from Pina's grandmother.

An English judge's wig

made from wool from a mattress.

A balance with two plates

borrowed from the grocery on the corner.

Go upstairs with the others.

What do you call this? Miss Italy style

or like in the syndicate ?

Illustrious colleagues... In the name of the state,

which called us to represent it...

Mafia's power is great.

It has powerful men.

Only combined forces

can help justice win.

I invite you to an exercise

of severity and rigour.

Do you agree ?

- What are you doing ? Going in or not ?

- Not me... I....

- Where should I sit ?

- These are your colleagues.

In the name of the law, I want to inform you

that here the mafia will be disassembled.

- In the room !

Let's start the meeting.

Let the defendants in !

Quiet, move it !

Simmer down, stop !

Who are the defendant leaders ?

Compare before this court,

Trinacri Avito aka Cutthroat.

Trinacri Asaro aka Sweetname.

Messina Alfio aka Superlie.

Mesini Salvatori aka Killmother.

They are accused of complicity

to crimes of mafia nature.

Bodily harm.

Butchery, torture.

Cannibalism and other penal infractions.

Did you hear ?

He said cannibalism.

You're not getting intimidated by this ?

Pina !

Where are you ?

- Did you see how wonderful it is, Ugo ?

- Yes !

We also have a sicilian baby carriage.

They said there are gifts too.

Who sent all these ?

Dear Mr. judge Fantozzo,

these are products from the beautiful Sicilia.

Signed, a group of friends !

What the hell are you doing, Pina ?

This is corruption !

They got the wrong address.

Help me clean up !

They didn't understand that judge Fantozzi

cannot be bought.

Even if they send to my home,

nicely wrapped gifts. Got it ?

- Even this type of pasta ?

- Pasta ? I haven't eaten this one before.

Stand aside ! I cannot be bought

by any means.

I'll show them who I am !

Starting today, they will understand what I mean.

Isn't it so that I am a real civil judge ?

They'll see who I am.

Thanks for preparing my bath, Pina.

Attention, Ugo !

The swordfish !

Stand aside, let me throw it here.

Mama mia, what pain !

O God, mama mia, what pain !

Fantozzi's acquaintance !

- Who are you ?

- You're messing up !

- Who ?

- You're not very popular.

- You don't even know me.

Judge Fantozzi, is popular.

And I am solid as a rock. Clear ?

In the house there is an offer waiting for you

which you cannot turn down.

Who can't turn it down ?

Pina !

Where are the gifts ?

Where are they ?

- Do you like it, Ugo ?

- Don't even try it on.

Get it off quickly !

- It must be burned !

- No, no !

Finished.

Let that teach them a lesson.

It was from Mrs. Canto,

I was supposed to mail it.

I think it was synthetic

which is not even worth wearing.

- I'll pay for it.

- It was made of jaguar. Authentic.

- How much does it cost ?

- 20 million.

There go 20 million.

OK, we'll pay for it.

But I still get the satisfaction

of showing that they can't buy me.

with any gift.

- Honestly Ugo, they sent you another gift.

- Another ?

- But only one ?

- Stop, it's a tiny one...

- Take at least this, they'll get upset...

- Who ?

You know they are jerks.

- What did you say they are ?

- Jerks !

Nobody can accuse me of being

persuaded by a piece of cake.

What are you saying, Ugo ?

- Eat it, it will refresh you.

- Ok, I'll eat it !

What is this ?

This was the gift

which cannot be turned down.

Imbecils !

I'll break him !

- Destroy him !

- Ugo....

Let me !

Where is he ?

- What are you looking for ?

- Get out of here !

You'll see....

Nothing happened.

Get me something to grind it with !

- A mixer, something..

- That was for the garlic !

Excuse me, this is a gift from

the gentlemen over there...

The honourable society went from

one attempt of corruption to another.

Knowing that Fantozzi, after commissar

Catani's death, wore black for 4 months

They put in his bed

one last warning.

A live octopus !

Stop it, Pina !

What got into you ? Stop.

What do you want ?

What's going on in your head ?

You're amazing !

What a surprise, Pina !

Pina, Pina !

Pi... Pi...

Are you here ?

Yes, Ugo, I'm standing guard !

So that no one comes in !

So then, with whom was I...

Wait a minute.

My God....

Who was it ?

No....

What's going on with me ?

I have become an aquatic sexual maniac !

No. I should say,

only aquatic...

In this process, it's nothing serious.

Maybe it was suicide...

Excuse me, how could it be a suicide,

with the genitals in the mouth ?

Suicide, a contorsionist....

Did you hear ?

Contorsionist suicide !

I don't worry about it anymore. I'm afraid

only of the horizontal revenges.

That they finish off my wife.

Or violate my daughter.

It means they don't stop

only at ....

- I was violated yesterday evening.

- Violated how ?

That's why I accepted to keep going.

I was violated. Once,

twice, three times

Four times, five times, six,

seven times, eight times, nine...

But didn't you consider taking a

break sometimes ?

I could break, but I will not give up.

Did you see how much ....

I present you your new colleagues.

They are honest people !

They will replace our deceased colleagues.

One got unlucky and killed himself.

The other quit inexplicably

because of some car troubles.

- What do you mean inexplicabile ?

- Inexplicabile !

I confess that I am terrorized.

I'm afraid of the horizontal vendetta !

I fear for Ughina.

I was thinking that you could keep in the house a gorilla,

two gorillas... What am I saying ?

What is this ?

What does it want ?

- Watch out so it doesn't run away !

- What happened ? What do you want ?

Get her on the trunk !

Move it !

- Help ! Put me down !

- Shut up, or I'll beat you !

- You violate her !

- Let me go, ugly pigs !

- Help, father ?

- O, how is this ...

- I can't take this anymore.

- Help, father....

- We have to violate somebody, what do we do ?

- The father, he's better than the daughter.

Yes, you're right.

That's what we'll do. Get him !

Mariangela went home untouched.

Fantozzi bought a chastity belt.

He took as an escort, a night security guard.

He proofed his car with six tons of iron.

But his path took him over catacombs...

Judgement day finally arrived.

- Guilty ?

- Guilty ! Guilty !

- My opinion is that they are not guilty.

- How come ? We have witnesses ! A potter.

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