Fart: A Documentary Page #9

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A lot of humor is sho--

shock and shame,

you know, that's--

that's all part

of what's funny.

- We're all

on the same road...

- Yes.

...with an ultimate goal,

but we're all.

different travelers

And also same

experience of gas.

( laughing )

I don't think

I'll ever forget this day.

( all laughing )

Well, it reminds us

that no matter

how high and mighty

we may think we are,

we may think

we're part of the--

we're-- we're--

we're part of the angels

or something,

but when it comes

down to it,

we're just like

the dogs and the cats.

You know--

( fart )--

when, you know,

we poop and pee and fart

just like everybody else.

Like all the other

animals out there.

( man speaking

native language )

( farting )

Hey, Randy,

are farts flammable?

Yes, Ian.

Farts are flame-able.

The proper way to light a fart

is to lie on your back

- with your legs up.

- ( straining )

They're probably

more of what I would call

one of those

Internet wives' tale.

Apparently,

the hydrogen sulfide

that's produced in the bowel

had some potential

to ignite...

Here we go.

...but I've never heard

anyone that's done it.

But is it in the realm

of possible?

Um, probably

a good Mythbusters.

Humans fart up to

about a half a gallon a day.

That's about...

Some a whole lot more.

( farting )

Cameraman:

A human being farts

14 times a day.

Female interviewer:

On average.

Baxter:

14 times a day?

Do you know the volume?

Emilia Gortan:

14 times a day?

Cameraman:

They don't have--

No,

I don't think so.

How many cc's

of toxic gas does that...?

Dr. Wycoff:

And the mile-per-hour

one is news to me.

Ah, that very

well may be true.

I'm not sure

how you measure that.

The 14-- I've heard anywhere

from an eight to 20

as being the normal range

for most people.

Oftentimes, you know,

flatulence is passed

when you're sleeping

or in a way

that you don't even notice

you're passing it but, uh,

14 is probably right

and seven miles-per-hour,

it sounds good to me.

Female interviewer:

Right, yeah,

- I don't know either.

- I don't know how you measure.

- Right.

- Maybe they have a meter.

A flat-o-meter

or something.

Or a slow-motion camera.

I don't know.

Maybe--

maybe that's it.

There's a whole study

of flatalogy.

So, uh, maybe

they've studied it.

Well, that was

laid on me.

You know,

the people said,

"Well, can we call

you a 'fartologist?'"

And I said,

"Well, sure."

And, you know--

and it-- it--

it helps sell books,

I suppose.

Male interviewer:

So, what is the definition

of a "fartologist," I guess.

Well, a "fartologist"

is somebody who has been

studying all the--

the-- the, um--

phenomena of farting.

Female narrator:

When forcing a poop...

- ( fart noise )

- ...sometimes a fart

will take place

in a rapid

machine-gun fashion.

( farting )

Possibly as a result

of drinking too much

- or of feeling sick.

- ( fart sound )

When this happens,

keep calm

and wait until

the bathroom is cleared

before planning

your exit.

I don't care anymore.

I used to keep it in or I--

I used to go to the bathroom...

In our family

there was a rating system.

You know,

there were--

there were five of us

including the dog,

and Dad was top,

our daughter

was number two stinky,

then was my son,

then was the dog,

then was me,

because I

made the system.

The sound-- you know,

the fart sound,

I believe,

it's just from the--

the anal opening--

the anal sphincter

skin vibrating

as the gas is expelled

through normal peristalsis,

so your colon

can contract,

and as it contracts,

it pushes things through

including gas.

And it can push it

through at apparently

seven miles-per-hour.

So, um, the passage

of the gas through

the anal opening,

the anal verge

produces a sound.

Most British men

my age now should

have a beer belly

that I can--

it's that big--

I can rest, you know,

I can rest a tray

of chips and gravy on it

and eat from, you know,

but I haven't.

You know, I keep--

I keep farting fit.

( farts )

I don't know.

I guess everything

that we can--

that we can explore

or that we can

be more honest about

just breaks down

more barriers.

It just, you know,

like you said,

eliminate the shame,

eliminate the judgment.

I mean, if we

can all just agree

that it's normal,

then there's not

any reason to have anything

other than laughter,

right?

( vocalizing )

- I think I farted

- On your cat

- I think I farted

- On my cat

- I think I farted

- On a photo of Mitt Romney

I think

I fa a-a-arted

Aw crap!

I just -- my pants.

Final summation:

Farting is always fun.

Farting with others

is more fun.

And making it like

someone else farted,

well, that's just money.

It was my pleasure.

All right,

now I'm gonna go fart.

Now you can

let it all out.

( farting )

Come on,

everybody.

( man shouts )

Let's have a farty

( farting )

I mean, you're

misinterpreting what I do.

You know, you think

I've got a gas problem.

And what I've got

is a control of my gas.

Male interviewer:

What do you guys think about

us doing a documentary

about farting?

I think it's fabulous.

I can't wait to watch it.

I can't wait to buy it

and own it.

Are you gonna

have to buy it?

Are we gonna

have to buy it?

( laughing )

Female interviewer #2:

We'll give you guys

copies, yeah.

( all laughing )

( farting )

I'm gonna let it go.

Hey, you're not...?

I don't know

if I wanna touch you.

( all laughing )

May the fart

be with you

May the fart

be with you

We're looking

for the reaction.

Yeah, I have,

but it's a manly thing to do.

Especially

if it's a spanker.

( laughing )

( farting )

May the fart

be with you.

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