Father Figures Page #2

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exactly a priority.

I mean, you just go in there

and the mood, it would...

Baby tonight

Hot stuff

Remember that?

And then,

you know, you just...

- PETER:
We get it.

- All these great people

in exactly the same situation

you were,

feeling exactly the same thing

you were in.

You would dance with them,

you know,

and then you go and you just,

you know,

you'd sleep with them.

It's true. The priority

was smoking weed and f***ing.

Well, sure, yeah.

KYLE:
Studio 54?

- How awesome is that?

- Yeah.

- (CHUCKLES)

- PETER:
Awesome?

You think this is awesome?

KYLE:

Well, it's not not awesome.

It helps to explain

my zest for love making.

I've always wondered

where I got that from.

Now we know.

I spent my whole life trying

to honor my father's memory.

And you have.

What memory?

I stare at a**holes

all day long

because of a fictional man's

colon cancer.

Pete, could you pivot

into plastic surgery

or something

less butt-related.

I mean, you're really smart,

I don't see why not.

Kyle, how are you

not freaking out right now?

Okay, that's not fair!

You can't tell people

how to freak out.

Now I want everybody

to calm down, all right?

I am so sorry, you guys,

but the light is

going quickly.

It's the last chance

for family photos.

Not a good time, Annie!

It's a perfect time, Annie.

Okay, just get

a little bit tighter

and we'll get

a nice family shot.

Oh, you guys look so good.

Hold on.

- This looks perfect.

- (CAMERA CLICKS)

Oh, so good!

That is going to be

a good one.

You can't leave just yet.

We need Mom and her sons.

Oh, good idea.

Okay. Come back up here.

I'm gonna need you guys

looking forward,

big smiles.

Perfect, Kyle.

Oh, my God, Dr. Reynolds...

This means he's out there.

He's out there somewhere.

Not now, Peter.

Dr. Reynolds, if I can get you

looking at the camera.

He's been out there

this whole time.

That is true. I mean,

who do you think it was?

As we got older, surely...

Was there someone that we

started to remind you of?

Just stop it.

Will you just please stop it.

None of the men I was with

would have made a good father.

I was trying to protect you.

Protect yourself more like it.

Hey, wait a minute.

I need a name.

I think you owe me a name.

I think you...

ANNIE:
Hey, Reynolds!

Camera! Now!

- (CAMERA CLICKS)

- Perfect.

We got it.

F***ing thank you.

I can't talk

about this now, Peter.

Okay, she... Mom has spoken.

Pete, you're spinning

out of control literally.

Just calm down.

Stop telling me to calm down!

Okay?

I just need to know this!

Just give me something.

Please.

Terry Bradshaw.

Four-time Super Bowl champion,

Terry Bradshaw?

Yeah.

The Enterprise Rent-A-Car

spokesman, Terry Bradshaw?

Fox sports TV commentator,

Terry Bradshaw?

Yep. Terry Bradshaw.

No, no, no.

(STAMMERS) That's insane!

We started dating

the fall of '74,

just after he gave up

his starting position

to Joe Gilliam.

There's no way she would know

who Joe Gilliam was.

Pete!

Wait, Mom, this is...

Do you realize

how incredible this is?

This is the guy

you loved growing up!

Gene, he had every poster

on the wall!

- I know...

- Can I get a smile now?

Now, will you relax?

- I love Terry Bradshaw.

- I know!

PETER:
He's the greatest!

- KYLE:
Yeah.

- Yup.

Which raises

the inevitable question,

why did you not

tell us

that the coolest man on Earth

was our father?

Well, he wasn't

the man you saw on TV.

He was violent.

He hit you?

No.

But as a football player

he was frequently violent.

As a football player?

Yeah, on Sundays.

Sometimes Monday nights.

Oh, on game days

he was violent... I got it.

Yeah, because

that was his job.

That's what he did

for a living!

(CHUCKLES)

Oh, my God!

Do you have any idea what

my life might have been like

with Terry Bradshaw

in the picture?

I might even be

in the NFL right now!

- Oh, come on!

- Well, we don't know!

You didn't even make

our middle school team.

That's because

I didn't have Terry Bradshaw

teaching me the fundamentals.

Oh, Peter, please,

just please...

My life is basically

crap right now,

and it's your fault.

That's not fair.

Pete. Hey!

Mom, let me talk to him.

KYLE:
Hey, Pete!

Pete, come here for a second.

Hey, Pete,

where are you going?

Come on, you got to apologize.

Apologize for what?

Well, you're being

really tough on Mom.

Hey, what are you doing?

No! You're not driving.

Look, maybe I blew

my stack at Mom.

It's just...

She kept Dad from us.

I know.

What the hell?

You know how many times

I just wanted to know him?

I just wanted him

there to ask about

Ethan, about Katherine,

about...

About everything, you know?

Yeah, I know how much

you wanted that.

Yeah, I don't think you do,

man. I just... Well...

I can talk to him.

- Yeah.

- It's Terry Bradshaw.

I'm gonna go find him.

I'm gonna find Dad.

Great! Let's do it.

- Oh, no. You can't come.

- Oh, I'm coming.

You never gave

a sh*t about Dad.

He's my father, too!

I don't take

my orders from you.

I take them from the universe.

And the universe wants us

to go together.

You're not coming.

Wait, hold on,

wait, who was that?

Hello, yes?

It's the universe?

Yeah.

You want me

to go with my brother?

Pete doesn't want me to go.

- F*** him?

- (CHUCKLES)

I know.

You said it with a wink.

Okay. I love you, too.

That was the universe.

Now where does he live?

Miami.

Done. Miami.

That's where we meet him.

- We're going to Miami.

- God damn it. Yes!

- Come on!

- KYLE:
Fine.

You can come,

but don't be annoying.

Let me look at you. Kiss.

(KAYLANI CHUCKLES)

KYLE:
Okay, what's our plan?

Um, we're still in good shape.

Mr. Bradshaw will be

at the grand opening

of North Miami Beach

Bradshaw Motors.

- Yeah.

- This afternoon.

Okay, well, that's where

we're gonna meet him.

Yup.

By the way, thank you

for letting me upgrade us.

I think you're gonna

love first class.

I think it's kind of

a waste of money.

Not when it's my money.

Look, Pete,

money is never wasted

when it's spent on

the ones you love.

Like a brother.

Or a jet ski.

Or a party boat.

Push play. Can I see that?

TERRY:
I hate to run.

But not running is worse.

So, if I've got to run, it's

going to be in the most...

KYLE:
(CHUCKLING)

Look at that Adonis.

That's our dad.

I can't believe it.

FLIGHT ATTENDANT:

Mr. Reynolds...

Oh, and Mr. Reynolds.

- Are you guys married?

- PETER:
No.

We're just watching some

footage on our father.

We're on our way

to meet him

for the very first time.

So, we're a little nervous

and a whole lot excited.

(GASPS) Aren't you

just the sweetest thing.

If you think I'm sweet,

let me introduce you

to big bro here.

He is like a ripe

honeydew melon.

Ooh. A honeydew, huh?

I love honeydews.

Yeah, they're really yummy.

They're delicious.

There is this thing, though,

you should know about fruit.

A lot of melons in particular.

The skin

is a breeding ground

for bacteria,

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