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Father of Invention Page #5
a lot of videos,
a couple
at Mount Rushmore.
Oh man, I gotta go to this fundraiser
thing, man, before Lorraine kills me.
You see? That's another reason
you're broke... too much philanthropy.
What is it now?
Oh, let me guess...
the Indigenous Giraffes'
Sperm Foundation
for the Pigmies
Who Have Lung Cancer
and Don't Have Mosquito Nets
Foundation?
It's Claire's event, Axle.
We teach them interview skills
and how to build a resume.
the resources we provide for them
to go out into the world
and find jobs on their own.
This is an amazing project.
You should be very proud.
Thank you.
Oh, this is my roommate Phoebe.
I'm a lesbian.
Oh, isn't that wonderful for you?
It is actually.
Well, have you guys seen
the silent auction?
No, I haven't seen it yet.
I would love to.
Don't you take
one more step, Axle.
You have to leave now.
Hey, it's a fundraiser, Medusa.
I'm here to raise funds.
Medusa.
It's like Madonna, but it's...
Hi Axle.
- Hi.
- Somehow, someway
you're associated with Claire.
Then it shouldn't be a problem
that I'm here.
You're a piece of work,
you know that?
I'm a piece of work?
You're the one that blew $362 million.
At least I lost my half giving it
to my victims. What's your excuse?
My excuse is that money was cursed.
It took me eight years
to get rid of it,
and now that it's gone,
I'm so glad...
Hi Axle. I'd like you to meet my
parents... Howard and Penny Camp.
- Hello.
- Hello.
How nice that you and Lorraine
can put aside your differences
to support Claire
on her special night.
Well, Claire has always
come first in our family.
Listen, Axle, I...
I'll admit that when I found out
that my daughter Donna was gonna be
living with a convicted felon,
that I was... I'm sorry...
rather uncomfortable.
But then
some of Donna's old stuff.
Getting ready to convert her bedroom
into a guest room.
And they found my old
Light-O-Saurus.
And when we heard
that you had designed that
for Claire back in the day,
well, we were damn near
moved to tears.
He is good.
Isn't this wonderful... this event?
Just wonderful.
Penny Camp,
what is it about this event
that's so wonderful?
People helping people.
Bingo. You said it.
That's it.
In a word... community.
Culture and community.
Ladies and gentlemen,
if all of us could do just that...
come together
as a community, as a culture...
I mean,
ask yourselves this question:
How many women
has this center helped
get off drugs just this year?
- God, he thinks it's a drug center.
- Community, culture.
Culture, community.
Believe me,
when I started my company
I hadn't a pot to piss in.
Look at these women
on these walls,
putting things in their bodies
that just harm them.
Well, all of you should
get out your checkbooks right now
and write a big check
for my daughter.
There's no reason she should
have to do this for herself.
We've all got to get on
this bandwagon.
Let's make that wall of success
a world of success.
What do you say?
Hi.
What the hell was that?
Well, I don't know. You tell me.
Seems to be some big event
that everybody got invited to tonight
except me.
That's exactly why
I didn't invite you... that speech.
What's the matter with my speech?
I was doing my bit.
I had them eating
out of the palm of my hand.
It's a center for women's employment,
not a drug rehab.
That's how blind you are.
Well, what difference does it make?
Drugs, employment...
all right, never mind.
You don't have to worry about me
anymore, 'cause you know what?
I've got a whole new thing happening,
and come Tuesday...
Let me guess...
the great Robert Axle will be back
in all his glory.
God, it's like you want me
to stay like this...
homeless, without a job.
Would it really be so bad
if I started to do well again
after what I've been through?
My parents thought
you were awesome.
And that speech was amazing.
Don't give up, Axle.
You guys will figure it out.
Okay, item one...
one-of-a-kind Light-O-Saurus
signed by Robert Axle,
as seen in the original infomercial,
Daddy, you did it.
You sold it.
No no, baby, we did it.
We sold it.
And you know why?
You brought my picture with you?
Yes, I did.
Oh goodness. Oh goodness.
Oh my goodness,
what happened?
It's unbelievable
how cute you are.
Oh, you think she's giggling?
You're gonna like what I have
to give you even better.
Oh.
You should have grabbed yourself
a raincoat, Axle.
Oh thanks.
I would have never thought of that.
How are things going
with your daughter?
Uh, good.
Yeah? So she's getting past
her abandonment issues?
I mean, most kids never really forgive
their parents for going away to prison.
I'm sorry, who are you?
Part parole officer, part uncle,
part therapist.
Yeah, well, why don't we just stick
to the part parole officer part?
Okay, how are things going
at Family Mart?
You know, what can I say?
Family Mart is Family Mart.
Troy told me
he had to let you go.
You know, a big part of this program
is keeping a steady job, Axle.
wind up going back to prison...
Whoa whoa whoa, you just
told me last week it was 62%.
Did I?
Well, there's a new report.
The numbers have gone up.
Oh great.
- Phoebe. Phoebe!
- What?
- Phoebe!
- What?
Where's Rock Band?
Son of a b*tch. Ooh.
What happened?
My ex...
that b*tch stole my sh*t!
Wow, things are nasty
Oh, it's gonna get really nasty!
Oh sh*t.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- I'm here to make a deposit.
- Okay.
Oh, you're with the center.
I love that. I was just
telling my sister all about it,
- how they help the women...
- That's right.
...with jobs and everything.
That's great.
Oh.
Do you know you've bounced
Hey, have you applied
for any grants?
Yes, grants are really hard...
- sorry, hold on one second.
- Well, maybe...
- One second, sorry. Donna.
- Claire, I have to tell...
- I'll call you back, okay?
- No no no no.
- Just don't do anything stupid.
- I'm not gonna do anything stupid.
I'm just gonna march up to the door
and I'm gonna be like,
"Give me back
my Rock Band, b*tch!"
- Donna, I'm busy.
- Wait, Phoebe...
- What up, Phoebe?
- B*tch, give me back my Rock Band.
Whoa, what's with
the Louisville Slugger?
What, did you join the all-dyke
softball league?
- Hey!
- Give me back my Rock Band.
Then give me back the $4200
that I spent on your fake titties!
Stop talking sh*t about my tits.
They're great, a**hole.
You want your game?
You want your game?
Your ex is a guy?
I thought you were a lesbian.
I am.
Here's your game.
Here you go.
Don't break it.
How about some drums, huh?
You want some drums?
Yeah? Yeah?
Who the hell is he?
You're worthless, Phoebe.
You are worthless.
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"Father of Invention" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 1 Sep. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/father_of_invention_8061>.
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