Father of Invention Page #6

What are you gonna settle for?

You don't even know who you are.

You're nobody without me.

Come on, let's go.

Drive. Drive.

Bye.

Oh, look, forget about him.

He's an idiot.

I had to shut him down.

Somebody had to stop him.

He's an idiot.

And he's a liar too.

'Cause anybody who looks at him

can tell he's still in love with you.

He thinks you're more beautiful now,

more attractive, more intelligent.

I mean, look at you. You're funny.

You've got this great style about you.

And he's a total idiot for thinking...

you know what? He's probably feeling

like a total fool... the fact that

he used to have you and now...

How was your day, Claire?

Horrible.

I'm so over everyone.

I hate people.

You know what?

Everywhere I go

people go on and on

about the center,

and when push comes to shove,

nobody wants to pony up.

- What's wrong with you?

- I didn't say anything.

- I know.

- What am I supposed to say?

- It's weird. You're acting weird.

- I'm not acting weird. I'm acting...

Tonight I'm having a date

with my friend Jack,

if anybody wants to join me.

Donna, where are you going?

I'm going to your mom's house.

You're going to my mom's?

Yeah, well, she picked up

my phone calls.

Wait,

did I miss something?

My parents are getting divorced,

but things happen.

Divorced? Since when?

Since my father started cheating

on my mom with her friend.

- My God.

- See you.

Donna, if you're going

to my mom's house,

- we're all going to my mom's house.

- We're all going?

Oh, like you have

something better to do?

I, on the other hand...

I have a date with a woman.

She's a lesbian.

Ugh.

We're gonna have hot lesbo sex

all night long.

# We're as happy as can be #

# Oh oh oh oh #

# Let's have a big parade #

# And we'll make history... #

Would you rather lick

a public toilet seat

or chew gum from the floor

of the New York City subway?

Gum. You know what?

No matter how disgusting it is,

- it's better than a toilet.

- By the way,

how were the toilets

in prison, Axle?

Not very good,

kind of like your last album.

Okay,

you see some unsightly Porta Potties

in my line of work, okay?

So I would chew that subway floor gum

all day, every day.

How do you call this a game?

Monopoly, Scrabble... those are games.

This... this is disgusting.

- Hey.

- Hey.

- This is my friend Steak.

- Hi.

- What's up?

- Steak, a chicken wing?

Nah, dude, I'm a vegetarian.

Really? How is that

gonna work out

since Phoebe likes your meat?

There's other things I like to eat

besides meat.

I have one:

Would you rather spend

happily married

to the love of your life

only to find out that he's been

cheating on you the whole time,

or spend 20 years taking care

of your deadbeat husband

who finally hits the big time

only to emotionally abandon

you and your daughter?

I'll talk to her.

- Awkward.

- All right.

I thought this was

supposed to be a party.

How could he do this to me?

Donna, I think in the moment

he wasn't doing it to anybody.

I think he was doing it

for himself.

I don't care.

When you decide to start a family,

you make a commitment to them.

You don't turn your back

on the people who love you.

Fathers are human too.

You know, you put

a piece of cake in front of us,

and that's all we can see.

Family, children... what?

No, we forget everything.

We get tunnel vision.

But you never cheated

on Lorraine.

No, I didn't.

I left her for my job.

I'm just so angry at him.

Yeah, there's a lot of anger

in the air.

Think it does any good?

Phoebe, you know,

are you and my dad friends

or what's... what's the deal?

No. I mean, he helped me get

my guitar back from Eddie...

you know, my game...

and that's it.

Wait, he met Eddie?

Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't call it

a formal "Hi, how are you doing?"

But he did crack Eddie

in the nads for me

from behind, like mm!

You know, I think your dad's

pretty great, Claire.

What makes him so great?

He just made me realize

that my father isn't perfect

and I need to accept that.

No, Daddy, don't leave.

I'm afraid of the dark.

Okay, honey. Okay.

I'll stay for just a bit, okay?

How's that?

Shh, it's okay.

You can watch the steam.

Look at that.

We can make animals.

Shh, it's okay.

Does my heart good,

makes me feel young, you know?

I tell you, my mind's sharp.

As a matter of fact, I don't know

if they could really run this place

around here if it weren't for me.

Hello, Sam.

You brought my check, right?

Of course I did.

I had to go into my own pocket

on this thing.

You won't believe

how many watches,

MP3 players and video games

I tore apart

before I figured this sucker out,

not to mention carving

the faceplate.

I cut that son of a b*tch

out of medium-density foam.

Well, you know, I don't have

any more money. $5000 is all I have.

Don't worry about it.

It was my pleasure.

I haven't felt this useful

in years.

There it is.

Now the speaker is in the ear.

The camera is in the nose.

The gaming wheel

goes in the wristband

for optimal gaming control.

Oh, Sam, this is awesome.

- And what is that?

- That's a built-in compass.

- Do kids still use compasses?

- They did in my day.

I just thought

with the wireless child leash

we wouldn't need a compass.

A wireless child leash?

That's a good idea.

The kid wanders off...

the parent feels a buzz

or something, huh?

You're kidding, right?

No, I'm not kidding.

That's a great idea.

Sam.

I did good, right?

I did good.

Sam, you did great.

How are you holding up, Troy?

I have four titanium rods

in my tibia.

How do you think?

I'm sitting on another

great idea, Troy.

Congratulations.

Yeah, but I can't do it alone

this time.

I need a partner.

I make $32,700 a year.

I drive a Toyota Scion loaded.

You're barking up

the wrong tree, Axle.

I just need you to come with me

to one meeting.

- When?

- Tomorrow morning?

Oh, tomorrow morning?

Thanks for the notice.

Look, I was gonna go

on my own,

but now that the prototype doesn't work,

it makes no sense for me to go...

What's the point of the prototype

if it doesn't work?

Troy, no one is going to

buy a product

from a guy who cuts

people's fingers off.

But Troy Coangelo...

that's a different story.

No can do.

Come on, just help me

on this one, please.

I'm on from 7:
00 to 7:00 tomorrow.

What difference does that make?

So Family Mart goes without

an assistant GM for a couple of hours.

What's the worst that can happen?

- A lot.

- Oh, come on.

- A lot can happen.

- Come on.

If you don't let go of this obsession

you have with Family Mart, Troy,

no one is gonna ever

take you seriously.

Hmm.

Haven't you ruined

enough people's lives?

Hey.

Hi.

It might be a little snug,

but I think we can make it work.

That's for me?

Here, try it on.

Let me see.

Yeah, it's a little snug.

Let me fix it.

Is this like the pink coat

or you really want me to...?

I want you to look great.

Okay, let me finish it.

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