Fawlty Towers Page #2

This lobby.

16 upstairs, on right.

Who's in charge here? No, charge later.

After sleep.

Where's the boss? Boss is Oh I boss.

No, no.

Where's the real boss? Qué? The generalissimo.

In Madrid.

Look, just sign this, will you? Sí, sí.

- 16.

- What? - You want room 16? - I don't want a room, mate.

I'm just leaving him.

You want room 16 for him? Yeah.

With a bath, you dago twit.

You mad.

You pay for room first.

He crazy.

"For room 16.

" No room 16.

No pay, no room 16.

Fawlty Towers, How are you? Nice day.

What? No, no.

He not here.

He not here.

Very sorry.

Goodbye.

- Hello, men.

- Good day, now.

You are men.

What? - You are men.

- Are you trying to be funny? Huh? - I said, you trying to be funny? - Not here, spud.

- You are men with orelly.

- What? - You orelly men.

- What does that mean? - You orelly.

- You watch it! - Where orelly? - What's he going on about? He means O'Reilly.

Oh That's right, yeah.

We are "orelly" men.

Thick as a plank.

Wait here, please.

I go, you wait.

You wait, too, please.

Polly? Polly? Hello, Fawlty Towers.

How are you? Is nice day.

You again.

I say, he not here.

He not here.

Very, very sorry.

Goodbye.

Wicked.

You men know what to do? I think so.

This is the dining room.

You are certain you know? It looks straightforward.

We've got to block this off.

Yes, yes, yes! Is you again? Now, listen He not here.

How many times? Where are your ears, you great, big half-wit! He no here! Listen! Now you understand? He Oh! Oh, Mr.

Fawlty! I very sorry.

Very sorry.

Is you! Yes, is me, Mr.

Fawlty.

Polly? No, no, she very busy.

Men? Yes, men are here.

Men are work you work, men.

Yes.

What? Ah, yes.

Please, which one is man with beard? Sí, sí.

Hid agh ang Sí, comprendo.

Sí.

One moment, please.

You are a hideous orang-utang.

Yeow! Manuel, thank you very much.

Polly? Polly?! Polly?! Polly!! Manuel! Polly, what have you done with my hotel? Polly, what have you done to my hotel? - What? - Look.

Oh, it's nice.

I like it there Ouch! You're hurting me! What have you done with my dining room door? - Where is it? - I don't know.

Why don't you know? I left you in charge! - I fell asleep.

- You fell asleep? It's not my fault! You fell asleep, and it's not your fault? - He forgot to wake me.

- Who forgot to wake you? - It is my fault.

- Manuel! I knew it! - Manuel!! - Don't blame him! - Why not? - It's not really his fault.

Whose fault is it, you cloth-eared bint, Dennis Compton's? Well, you hired O'Reilly, didn't you? We warned you.

Who else would do this? - I beg your pardon? - You hired O'Reilly.

I see.

It's my fault? Of course.

I was thinking it was your fault because you'd been left in charge, or Manuel's for not waking you, and all the time, it was my fault.

It so obvious, I've seen the light.

I must be punished, mustn't I? You're a naughty boy, Fawlty.

Don't do it ag What am I gonna do?! She's going to be back at lunchtime! Now, wait I'm a dead man! Do you realize? You're dead, too! We're all dead! Don't panic! What else is there to do?! We'll call O'Reilly.

He made this mess, he can clear it up.

Just pull yourself together! Come on! Again! Harder! Right! I'll call O'Reilly.

What is this? What is this doing here? What is going on here?! Your wife ordered it.

Call O'Reilly.

That golfing puff adder? What does she want? - Call O'Reilly! - What? - Shall I call him? - No, I'll do it.

I'll call him.

See if that roof is still on.

- What are you doing? - Stay there.

- You can't do that now.

- Hold it, hold it.

See if they've started breakfast now! Ah, hello, Mr.

O'Reilly.

How are you this morning? Oh, good.

Good.

No rare diseases or anything? I do beg your pardon.

Basil fawlty.

You remember? The poor sod you do jobs for? How are things on your end? Good.

Good, good, good.

How would you like to hear about things my end? Up to your usual standard, I think I could say A few holes in the floor The odd door missing, but nothing you can't be sued for.

- Good morning.

- I beg your pardon? - Good morning.

- One moment, please.

Did you say, "Good morning?" - Sí.

- I see.

What are you going to do now? Qué? What you do now? I serve breakfast.

Let's see you, then.

Sí.

- Where is door? - A-ha.

Door is gone.

Door was here! Where? Here? Or here? Or here? - Morning, Fawlty.

- Morning, Major.

I'm so sorry, but I'm afraid the dining room door seems to have disappeared.

Oh, yes, so it has.

It used to be there.

I was silly enough to leave the hotel for a few minutes These things happen, you know? I wonder where it's got to.

Don't worry, it's bound to turn up.

Have the newspapers arrived yet? Not yet, Major.

Manuel, would you please show the Major how to get into the dining room via the kitchen? Is difficult.

Major, will you please show Manuel how to get into the dining room via the kitchen? Yes, of course.

Come here.

Come on.

Now, look here, O'Reilly, I want my dining room door put back and this other one taken away by 1:00, do you understand? No, I don't want to debate about it.

If you're not over here in 20 minutes with my door, I shall come over there and insert a large garden gnome in you.

Good day.

I'm sorry, but my men won't work on Sunday.

That's the way it is.

There's nothing I can do about it.

How long is it going to take you? I'm working as fast as I can.

It had better be fast enough.

She's here in four hours.

- Tea up.

- What? I brewed a cup for him.

He hasn't got time to drink that now.

- Biscuits? - These look good.

Give them to me.

Will you get on with it? Look, this lot here an hour and a half.

This one easy lick of paint, lick of paint, lick of paint, one hour.

- What time is it now? - Ten to 9:00.

All right, 10 to 9:00 and two and a half hours is plenty of time.

Give us a biscuit.

Not until you've done the door.

Polly, take them away.

You can have that when you've finished the door, too.

The trouble with you, is that you worry too much.

Keep it up like this, you'll have a stroke before you're 50.

- Stone dead you'll be.

- Suits me.

That's a dreadful thing to say.

Not at all.

I'll get a bit of peace.

Don't be so morbid.

The good Lord made the world so we could all enjoy ourselves.

My wife enjoys herself, I worry.

If the good Lord meant us to worry he would have given us things to worry about.

He has! My wife! She will be back here in four hours, and she can kill a man at 10 paces with one blow of her tongue.

How am I supposed not to worry? Just remember, there's always someone worse off than yourself.

I'd like to meet him.

I could do with a laugh.

You'll just have to worry for the both of us.

I'm telling you, if the good Lord Is mentioned once more, I shall move you closer to him.

Now, please! Mr.

Fawlty, she's here.

- What? - She's here.

Oh, God.

Quick! Hide! Hide! I'll try to get rid of her.

Hide! - Where? - In there.

I'll try and stall her.

God help me.

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