Fierce Creatures Page #4

- I'm warning you, Lotterby.

Put the stretcher down now!

What are you doing?

- Oh, come off it.Just get up.

- She needs treatment.

- No, she doesn't.

- She's hurt her leg.

- No, it's fake.

- What?

It's fake blood.

Look. Taste it.

- It's fake.

- Fake?

Yes, fake. Try it yourself.

- Who is this?

- He's the director of the zoo.

- He's in charge.

- You've been rumbled, okay?

- What?

- You're not fooling anyone, so get up.

- What is going on?

- Don't you understand?

This is artificial blood.

The whole thing's a charade.

- She's not hurt.

- She is hurt.

She's just one of the keeper's wives.

- She's my wife!

- Look, taste the blood!

She's my wife!

- Taste the blood. She's your wife?

- She's my wife!

- Wait a moment.

- He's drinking her blood! Stop!

- Are you sure she's your wife?

- Of course!

-Just get away from her!

- Let's be sensible about this.

Count Dracula's telling me

to be sensible?

- What is happening here?

- He's sucking her blood!

- He's what?

- Look at his lips!

- He's the director of the zoo.

- You're Rollo Lee?

- Christopher Lee, more like.

- This woman is injured.

- She needs attention.

- I know she needs treatment.

- You just told everyone she didn't.

- Before you bit her.

- Are you in pain, Mrs.--

- Pike. No, but it's tender.

- I can handle this.

- No, you can't.

- I'm in charge. Yes, I am!

- No, you're not.

By God, you Americans are pushy!

Who the hell do you think you are?

Welcome to Marwood Zoo.

Can I offer you a coffee, doughnut?

- Cappuccino.

- That's him!

- There he is.

- You're under arrest. Come here.

- He shot a keeper.

- No, he didn't.

He tried to, but he missed.

Missed? Look at that.

- Get off her, you pervert!

- Rape!

So the big question is...

what am I gonna do with you all?

'Cause I'm almost certainly

on the scrap heap, you see.

Ah, well.

A pity. I like it here.

Look what you've done!

That's the second time.

Don't they teach you

any manners in Argentina?

If you do that again,

I will shoot you.

Coming! Come on.

Get in there. Quick. Quick.

- I still say we should just fire him.

- Okay, fine.

- You call your father.

- Come here, darling.

Now, quiet, you two.

All right. Suzie?

Suzie, come here.

He's at it again.

Come on. Get in there.

No fighting. Stop it.

Cut it out.

Oh, hello.

Can we come in?

You are still working, right?

It's 3:
00 in the afternoon.

- Oh, do you want the report?

- Yes.

- So, we can come in. Okay? Yeah?

- Good idea. Good idea.

Bit of a mess, I'm afraid.

I just spilled something.

Look, Rollo, we've been

reviewing your situation...

and we've decided...

to reappraise your position.

- Away from the public.

- You saw the local paper?

Yeah, the ''Vampire Gunman

Runs Amok'' story?

That? Yes.

Bloody newspapers. Ha!

Report to me tomorrow at 9:00 a.m.

and we'll discuss the position.

And your new office.

One thing before you go.

About those five animals

that I'm supposed to have shot--

- Smart career move, bub.

- What?

Killing them saved

your ass from extinction.

- Oh, I see.

- No, they just put it in.

Well, it wasn't an easy

decision, obviously.

You know, you've gotta

be hard-nosed, because...

toughness is the name of the game

if you want no-nonsense management.

After all, toughness

is what it's all about these days.

Toughness and hard-noseness. Well,

hard-nasality, as I mentioned before.

That is the bottom line,

as Rod often says.

Rod is right. Remarkable man.

Absolutely remarkable man.

Rod is right. Remarkable man.

Absolutely remarkable man.

Six billion dollars!

How extraordinary!

Damn radiator.

- Hardly slept last night.

- I bet.

Listen, Rollo, I don't like you.

You're weird and unattractive.

You'd better reposition your attitude--

vis-a-vis certain

members of the female staff--

or you're gonna be out of here.

''Certain members

of the female staff''?

Oh, please.

- Well, I think he's sexy.

- Sexy?

He looks like a giraffe in drag.

Did you get a whiff of his cologne?

Eau de Monkey Fart. He's a geek.

The way he moves, it's like he's

borrowed his body for the weekend...

and hasn't figured out

how it works yet.

He's got something. He's been demoted,

and the girls are still all over him.

I bet they're real dogs. Mangy,

nearsighted, weight-watcher rejects.

God, he's so male.

- Him ?

- No,Jambo.

Look. Isn't he wonderful?

- Oh, yeah, yeah.

- Reminds me of my father.

Was your father ugly?

No, it's just I didn't

get to see him very much.

But when I did, he used to

take me to the Atlanta Zoo...

to see Willy B., the gorilla there.

That's when I felt close to him.

To the gorilla?

No, to my father.

Life just seemed simple then.

Yeah. Yeah.

Is this all he does?

I mean, because the zoo is after

the entertainment dollar, right?

Is that the show? Because if

this is the evening performance...

I'm glad I missed the matinee.

What do you do for an encore?

Fall asleep?

You really don't

like animals, do you?

It's not that I don't like them.

I just don't see the point.

I remember when I was five,

my mother got me this dog.

I just didn't get it.

I suppose I had nothing

I needed fetched. So I sold him.

- Oh, that's sad.

- Oh, he got over it.

No, for you. It's very sad for you

because you couldn't love a puppy.

This is the kind of conversation two

people have when one of them is female.

Surprise!

- Celebrate our partnership.

- Our partnership.

That's right.

However, there's just one thing

I couldn't help noticing.

I don't know if you did.

We still have separate bedrooms.

Just missed.

I mean, we have

taken over the zoo.

We are here in England.

To us.

I think it's too soon.

Why?

Because what we have is special.

No, it isn't.

Yes, it is.

It's too soon.

How too soon?

Goddamn it! Thanks, a**hole!

This is your fault!

You!

Oh, hello. Lovely evening.

What are you doing with that?

- Oh, the lemur?

- Yeah.

Oh,just putting it back

in its enclosure.

Why'd you take it out?

For a walk, you know, exercise.

It can hardly move in there.

The exercise is for me.

So what do you need that for?

That's a good point, actually.

Well, perhaps I won't bother

in future. Thanks for the hint.

Were you gonna use that

for target practice?

Or one of your orgies?

- Orgies?

- Yeah!

I'm onto you.

You were gonna put that somewhere.

You're sick!

Is there a history

of insanity in your family...

or is smashing up trolleys

the latest American craze?

No, the latest American craze, pal,

is firing weirdos like you!

Come on, Rollo, let's get you back home

before some loony attacks this trolley.

''Come on, Rollo''?

He's talking to himself,

and I'm the loony!

Animals are boring!

But people pay money to see them,

which led me to my latest inspiration.

We are talking about a whole

new concept in sponsorship...

that completely eliminates

the non-event impact deficit.

For instance-- What have we here?

An African spurred tortoise.

Who gives a sh*t, right?

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