Fifty Pills Page #5

Michelle, its vegetarian.

To use meat would defeat the

whole purpose of using that word.

You know, I heard that if you don't eat

meat, it, like, intensifies your high.

Bullshit.

No, its, like, scientifically

proven and stuff.

Scientifically? - Do you have any

documentation on that one?

No, but I bet I could

find some, smart guy.

Well, see, the Deadheads

discovered it back in the sixties,

and then they passed it on to the,

the fish people after Jerry died.

And thats why they're all vegans.

That is the most asinine thing

I've ever heard in my life.

I don't have time for this. I

have to go meet the tree guy.

Yeah, I have to, uh, do my paper anyway.

Okay, well. But I will see you at 6:00?

Oh yeah. Ill see you then.

Well, I have to go do something too.

And in conclusion, I believe Dante

was right when he said life is hell.

You start at the bottom, you

work your way up to the top,

and when you finally get there,

you realize its still hell.

And then you die. And done.

Done!

Hello?

- Hey, Darren, its Scott.

Hey, Scott, whats up?

- Nothin much, man.

Nanny was wondering if you were

comin to Long Island this weekend.

Oh, man, I would love

to, but I cant

I might come on Tuesday,

right before I leave.

Cool, cool.

- Dude, no offense, but I gotta run.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure, sure.

Listen, real quick. One thing quickly

I promise.

- Whats up? Is everything all right?

No, nothing like that.

Yeah, everythings fine.

I was just wondering one quick thing.

You remember that stuff you bought out

a couple of weeks ago from your roommate?

The, the ecstasy?

- I do.

Do you know where I

can get any more of it?

I have, like, a bunch of

friends that want some, too.

Do you know anybody

that can help us out?

Yeah, Ill be there in an hour.

- Great, great.

Thank you. Ill pay for

your ticket, too, no problem.

Awesome. See you soon.

Party services.

Dear God, Honey, hes selling

his body to the queers.

Honey? Its okay.

You don't have to do this to

get revenge on us. We understand.

Please tell me you're using condoms.

I am not gay!

- Well, well see about that.

Look, I love you, but I have to go,

okay? I don't have time for this.

I have to go to Long

Island to see Scott.

Now, is Scott a friend, or

is he more than a friend?

Scott, my cousin, your nephew. Scott.

- Oh, okay.

Look, I'm gonna miss my train

if I don't go right now, okay?

Ill call you on the weekend, bye.

- Bye.

Sounds like our son is in denial.

- Yes indeedy.

Yes indeedy. Sounds like hes

a chip off the old Uncle Greg.

Were going to take

number one again this year.

You comin? - No.

Hey, Scott. You'd better

make that two hours.

#PETUNIA... AGAIN#

Yes, sir. Me and my friends are

going to this party later on,

and I promised them that I

could get enough for all of us.

That sounds just peachy.

Peddling your dirty drugs in school.

How dare you, young lady.

This fine institution will

not tolerate such behavior.

You must be severely punished.

I understand, sir.

Heres your money, mister.

Thank you.

Get over here right now, young lady.

Yes, Principal Myers.

Ill see you, uh, later.

Whos your principal?

- You are, sir.

Whos your principal?

- You are, sir.

You are, sir.

You are, sir.

You are, sir.

Oh, God, Ill never play again.

#COUSIN SCOTT#

Thanks for comin out

here all of a sudden.

I wouldnt have called, but

things have just gotten crazy.

Hows that?

- Theres only one guy

in the whole school

who can hook up some X,

and he knows it, too. So he

upped his price to $35 a pill.

Thats ridiculous.

- Yeah.

Does, 20 sound better to you?

- Yeah. Yeah.

All right. How about a, um, bag of 10?

Thank you so much. Ah.

I'm sorry I cant, like,

stay any longer. I kinda gotta go.

Aw, its cool. Its...

Ill see you at Christmas.

All right, thats okay.

Yeah.

All right, thanks, Scott.

- Thank you, dude. See ya.

Got your eyes on him?

- Yeah.

I think this is the new kid on the block

everyone was talkin about today.

Think hes a threat to The Seoul?

- Yeah, I think hes a f***in threat.

You f***in with me, b*tch?

- Hey, look,

I'm not tryin to step on

anybodys toes here, okay?

But this must be one huge

ass operation if hes covering

Manhattan and Strong Island in one day.

Aight, b*tch. Ill

take care of this sh*t.

Yeah, looks like his trains

heading back to the city right now.

What the hell is this?

You think you can f*** with

the man and get away with it.

You think that Seoul Man

doesnt hear about everything

that goes down in this

motherfuckin city.

What? Where the hell am I, man?

'Cause he does. And he knows that

youve been with his business today.

And he don't like that at all little man.

'Cause Seoul may not be the biggest,

but hed f*** you up with a

one inch punch, just like Bruce.

Sh*t, you're The Seoul Man?

I thought you were Black.

- What?

#THE SEOUL MAN#

Its Seoul, with an E?

Like the capital of Korea?

You dumb cracker. You know what

we do with crackers around here?

Dude, I just needed the money

for one day. One day only, man.

My roommate gave me the pills just so

that I could get a bill paid for tomorrow.

Just let me go for this one day.

I promise you'll never hear

from me again. I promise.

Kinda b*tch ass Nancy

boy you think I am?

Seoul Man don't play that way. No.

Hes up at Scores,

sipping cognac with Howard.

Chillin Atlantic City,

keepin that Jersey titty.

I aint no b*tch, and I definitely

don't let no b*tch talk to me that way.

Ever. I put b*tches and

b*tches like you in their place.

Dude, I would never- I

would- I wouldnt even -

I would never, man, shut the f*** up.

Had enough of this sh*t.

You pasty ass, inbred

motherfucka. Cut this fool.

Shut the f*** up, Seoul Man.

- Hold it.

What the f*** you say to Seoul?

Its the future of modern torture.

I know who puts who

in whose place. B*tch.

Sh*t.

Damn. Lets roll.

Wait. You guys arent gonna

f***in untie me, are ya?

I don't even know where I am.

Well, I'm here to give my cousin

some soup, you know what I mean?

Shes sick. Shes in need of my

medical attention, is what it is. Okay?

Somebody has to sign ya in

if you wanna go upstairs.

Really? - Yeah. - Did you not hear me?

Are you stupid or somethin?

I said look, man, this is

soup, okay? This is super soup.

She needs super soup to get

better. I told you, shes sick.

I don't care if she has malaria. No one

gets upstairs unless they're signed in.

Don't be coppin no

attitude with me, all right?

Hey, what kind of higher

education is this, huh?

Maybe I should tell the

administration about this sh*t.

I'm sure they would love if

you took their sh*t up to them.

Yeah? - Yeah. - Well, I got somethin

for ya. Its a big fat bowl of d*cks.

You wanna eat it, motherf***er?

- Okay.

Any time. Right now. Me and you.

You take off that gun, I'm right here.

Oh, any time, sonny boy. - Im right

here. You think I'm scared of you, bro?

Junior - Look, I'm almost laughing

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