Fifty Pills Page #4

All systems are go.

- My turn.

I feel left out of this.

Were doing a cleanse. - My idea.

- Go figure.

So I was thinking. I don't

even know why I would help you,

but I do have my cousin Ralphie that

might be interested that

I could possibly call.

Oh, thanks, yeah.

Hes a little weird.

Really sweet, though.

He dropped out of BC three years

ago, after he inherited his trust

when he turned 21. And then he

won the lottery like a week later.

I would have dropped out too.

No, see, thats the thing. He

didnt win, like, the big lottery.

He just won, like, 20 scratch off

tickets that he cashed out for $7,000.

But he said it was a sign from God.

Anyways, now hes just

a lonely Internet trader.

Like you'll be someday.

- Thanks, Pothead.

You should call

him, probably, maybe.

Don't tell Gracie about this, kay?

Just, I kinda wanna keep her out of it.

Sure.

- Thank you.

Oh, please, no more.

You are such a c*nt.

Shes not a c*nt, shes

the coolest girl I know.

Can I be a c*nt when I grow up?

Only if you work really,

really hard at it.

Okay. Hey, don't forget.

Six oclock, homeless kids,

Christmas trees, got it.

Get off my bed.

- F*** you, b*tch.

#RALPHIE#

Hey, hey hows it goin?

- Ralph?

Come on in, yeah, yeah, absolutely.

Hey, hey, you want a

beer or something, man?

I got Carl Strauss,

southern Californias finest.

You know what? I'm gonna

have one myself right here.

Hey, thanks, yeah.

Here you go.

- Thanks.

So word is you

got the E bombs, right?

The word? - Yeah. That's,

thats what Michelle said.

Yeah, yeah, Michelle, okay.

- Yeah.

Thats different, yeah. - Yeah.

- Yeah. Here you go. I got em.

Awesome, awesome. Yeah, yeah.

Let me get eight of em.

Eight? - Yeah.

- All right. - Yeah.

Yeah. You know what?

I think I want 10.

All right. Tens even better.

Yeah, I think tenll be

good. Ten is perfect, yeah.

No, no. Thats crazy. Ten

is, 10 is absolutely crazy.

That... I'm sorry.

My bad, my bad. Eight.

Yeah, oh - Eight. Ten is way

too much. Just lemme have eight.

You don't wanna kill yourself.

- No, exactly. Exact... gimme 10.

You sure?

- Gimme 10. Ten.

Kay.

- Yeah. Yeah.

Thats, thats 200 bills, dude.

Dude, I just got off work,

man. God, what a friggin day.

You know, my laptop

completely just crashed. Done.

So I spent the whole day trading

at the copy center over on Waverly.

And lemme tell you something. Those

people over there, they got issues.

Yeah?

- God, yeah, dude. Yeah.

Look, man. Well get to business

in a bit. Do you mind if I?

Oh, no, sh*t. No,

yeah, you can take one.

You sure?

- Yeah.

All right, awesome. I have been

waiting all day for this, man.

Oh, my God. Jesus, I'm

so glad you got here, man.

Oh, God.

Sit down, take it easy.

Go ahead. There ya go.

Before we go any further,

I gotta ask you a question.

Now this is totally, 100% serious.

Okay.

Are you into the Strokes?

I mean, I saw them down at CBGBs

before they were anybody with my cousin.

They were awesome. - I'm not

talking about the f***ing band.

Dude, contrary to what

many people think, I am not gay.

Do I give off some kind

of gay vibe, or something?

Look, look. I am not talkin about

swabbin the poop deck either, man.

Im talkin about Different Strokes.

Yeah, only the greatest

television show ever made? Yeah?

See, thats the problem, man. People

- people don't even know about it anymore.

'Cause the networks, they don't

even put it on. And TV Land?

TV Land can go f*** themselves,

putting it on all late at night.

Not showin it the proper

respect that it deserves.

My dream is to buy the

rights of that show from NBC

and put it on in

rotation at a decent hour.

The show deserves no less, man.

I mean, that show was so ahead

of its time. I mean, come on.

Interracial families? That is some heavy

sh*t for network TV back in the day.

Yeah, I remember, like,

what you talkin about, Willis?

You are so goddamn right, brother.

And its not just Willis.

It is what everyone was talkin bout.

Hey, let me ask you something. So

you're down with the show, right?

Well, uh, yeah

Yes, man. I mean,

today is your lucky day.

Today is the luckiest day

that you have ever had.

You know?

I really like you. A lot.

Really?

Yeah. Really.

Oh, you dick tease.

Child molestation? I mean, come on, man.

No other show even touches on that sh*t.

Oh. I gotta go take care

of some business right here.

Hey, do you think you should be

doing business in your condition?

Yeah? Yeah.

I know its a f***in big deal.

You want an answer? Huh?

You want an answer? Ill

give you a f***in answer.

Why don't you take those f***in

papers and shove them up your ass?

Yeah. Yeah, I know its a big deal.

Well, Ill f***in take

care of it tomorrow, okay?

Yeah. Yeah, I know its all

on the f***in line right now.

Yeah. All right. All right! All right.

Its my mom.

Aw, sh*t, man, sh*t, I gotta go.

Really?

- Yeah.

Hey, listen. Just so you know, you could

stay here as long as you wanna, man.

Its cool. Chill out,

and just so you know, man.

All that stuff, that had

nothing to do with you, man. - No.

That was between me, her, and

some late fees on some videos, man.

It has nothing to do

with you, I promise.

Yeah, I know. I just I

have, you know, my business,

and I gotta take it when

I can get it, you know?

Hey, I understand, man. I'm with you.

Let me, let me give you

some scratch, buddy. Kay?

Thank you. - Yeah, dude.

- Thank you for this.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

You take a check?

Yeah, uh, yeah.

- Is that cool, or what? Is that fine?

Thats cool. - Its cool?

- Thats cool. Just

All right.

- make it out to Darren Giles.

All right. All right.

- Just, Giles, G,I

Darren?

- Darren.

Giles.

Giles? G

G, I - I

- L, E

E and S. Darren Giles. All

right, man. All right, buddy.

I got this. Here you go, man.

- Yeah.

Thats for you, man. - Thank you.

- Yeah. - Thank you very much. Thanks.

Hey, hey. Hey, what are you

guys doin this weekend, huh?

You know, were probably just

going to the dorm to have a party.

You know, Michelle. - Yeah, you guys

live close to each other, right?

Like, two doors down.

- Thats cool.

All right, hey, man. Not

tryin to hold you back. - No.

You do what you gotta do. Hey, the

elevators right over there. - Yup.

Hey, it was great to meet you, man.

- Yes.

This was so awesome.

God. That kids great.

Smart, like that. Went to

college. Hmm, yeah, yeah.

Education. Thats good,

good stuff. It shows.

Kids got a brain on him. Yup.

I'm gonna see that kid

again. Our paths will cross.

Thats good, yeah.

What you talkin about, Darren?

- Shut up.

Why?

- Because. B*tch.

Did you just call her a b*tch?

No. Uh, where are you guys going?

To get some pizza. Do you wanna come?

I have to do my paper.

Please?

Okay. I cant say no

to that. Don't do that.

Are you sure there

isn't any meat on this?

Thats the whole point of

ordering a vegetarian slice.

Do you think they use meat

when they make their sauce?

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