Fifty Shades Page #8

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Oh, God, it hurts!

We done?

Oh, no, nigga.

No, we not finished yet!

We not finished

with you yet, nigga!

What? Where you

goin' with this?

I'm about to get

medieval on your ass.

Welcome to my world,

motherf***er.

On, God!

Oh, God!

This hurts so much.

I Wish I'd died.

Don't touch it!

Don't touch it!

Oh, it's tickling.

Christian, I thought

you'd like it.

What's there to like!

What kind of sick pervert beats

you for their own enjoyment?

Christian, you don't

want somebody like me.

You're exactly what I want.

A broke college graduate

with a liberal arts degree

and no future prospects.

It's exactly what I want.

Christian, I've fallen head

over heels in love with you.

Uh... Whoa!

Slow it up. That is

not in the contract.

Like, it specifically

says, and I quote,

"B*tch don't love a nigga."

Okay? And I

double-bolded that.

I knew I should have had

you sign this contract.

Christian, I think

it'd be best if you leave.

Get out!

Fine, you want me to leave? You want

me to leave? Fine, I will leave!

Okay? Wait, time-out.

Um...

I live here.

Shouldn't you be the one leaving?

Am I wrong?

Take an umbrella 'cause...

B*tch, it's raining.

I need my car back.

I already sold

that piece of sh*t.

I'll send you a check for $37.

That is way below Blue Book!

Hannah!

Christian, you have

to let me go.

Please, listen to me!

No, you listen to me.

You'll find someone. Somebody

who wants to be open

to all the demeaning things

that you wanna do to them.

Hannah!

Christian.

Ooh.

Ah!

God!

How is he gonna love you?

He doesn't even love himself.

Did you see his haircut, girl?

How could you think

this was gonna end well?

Never look back.

Christian.

Hannah.

While running down

47 flights of stairs,

I had plenty of time to think.

And when I passed

out on the 23rd floor,

I realized I owed

you an apology.

I just want to say I'm sorry

for the way I treated you.

Especially for the whole

waterboarding thing.

Turns out you were

right about bin Laden.

Who knew?

Everyone.

Hmm?

You hurt me, Christian.

I know. But I have

softer whips.

You know the kind

with the pink fur on it?

It takes the sting off.

That's not what

I'm talking about.

You want romance.

I deserve it.

Well, what's more romantic

than running down

47 flights of stairs?

You know I pulled a hamstring?

Did you die?

No, but that's gonna keep me out of

the Red Room for at least a week.

Bye, b*tch.

Okay, okay, okay. Hannah, wait, wait.

Hannah!

No, Christian.

You are incapable

of having a normal relationship.

I know, but I'm trying, okay?

I want to be like that old man

whose wife has Alzheimer's,

and he wakes up every day

and he tells her the story

about their lives together.

And then they take a nap,

but they don't wake up.

Because they're dead.

That's The Notebook.

That's the one with Ryan Gosling

and the girl with

the big-ass forehead?

Oh.

He never forgot her.

You don't even like

Nicholas Sparks movies.

I used to hate them,

but now I love 'em.

Even The Last Song.

Why was that even a movie?

You know that

wasn't even a book?

Well, if I'm gonna

give you another chance,

things have to be different.

I know.

I have something very

important I wanna tell you.

I lo...

I lo...

I...

What I'm trying

to say is, I love

Empire.

That Cookie just says

the craziest things.

Okay-

I love you.

I knew you loved me.

I have one last

surprise for you.

But you're gonna have to pack a bag.

Are we gonna go on

your private jet?

Oh, my God,

what kind of jet is it?

No, no, no. Don't tell me.

I want to be surprised.

Ah!

I can't believe you thought I'd

take you on a private jet.

I love you and all, but you

don't even have a ring yet.

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