Finding Your Feet Page #4

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Such a shame.

After all that work you'd done

with the patio.

But still, you know, life goes on.

Maybe I'll find a minute to pop over and

say hello to the gang, before we leave.

Oh, that would be a bit awkward.

Mike is coming.

And Pamela.

Sadly, as much as one loves playing

with balls, one's rather pressed for time.

No wonder you stuck it out for so long.

You must have barely seen one another.

And what's with all this silverware'?

It's like a moody shrine.

I used to spend hours polishing those.

And I Think...

Yes, from that tournament on,

he was sleeping with her.

Well, he doesn't deserve

any prizes for that.

[{machine whirring]

[exclaiming]

[laughs]

- Come on, your turn!

- No, I can't!

Just do it.

Go on, Sandra. Give it to him.

[exclaiming]

How does that make you feel?

Well, I was gonna... I was gonna say

better than sex, but it's been so long,

I've forgotten what it's like.

[laughs]

Was Mike a good lover?

I... I think so.

Please tell me there

was life before Mike'?

No wonder you put all that crap

on a pedestal.

[laughs]

- Hello.

- Hi.

What are they doing here'?

Well, you needed a man with a van.

I got you two for the price of one.

Charlie, I think I owe you an apology.

I must have come across

quite rude when we first met.

Ah, it's already forgotten.

Anyway, I know

how disorientating it can be

when you find yourself on your own.

Does it get any easier?

I hope so.

Oi! Are Ted and I the only ones

working around here?

Oh, sorry.

I'll need to report you

for an unscheduled rest break, Charlie.

- You grass!

- Bugger!

- Oh, er, hang on.

- Okay.

[Bif panting]

Perhaps we should take

a bit of a tea break, eh?

- Yeah.

- Obviously with

- Comrade Ted's permission here.

- Da.

Any chance of something stronger?

[laughter]

Ow! Ooh.

Are you all right?

- I don't fancy being Fred without Ginger.

- What?

At the mash-up

if you can't flippin' dance.

The last thing I want to miss is the fun.

- Worst case, maybe someone else...

- Not happening.

- No.

- Why?

[Ted] She won't have time

to learn it, anyway.

- [Bif] She knows it better than I do.

- What difference does that make?

[lively chatter]

No, it's all right. My treat.

Thank you.

It's my round.

- What do you fancy?

- Yes, ladies.

- Erm, a half of lager, please.

- Half a lager.

- Okay, I'll have a gin and tonic.

- G and T.

Sandra'?

What are you doing here'?

Just picking up a few souvenirs

from our life together.

Come on, Mikey, let's go.

That's right, run along,

pretend that nothing's happened.

Let's not cause another scene, Sandra.

Heaven forbid.

Perfectly all right to destroy a marriage,

not okay to talk about it.

Home wrecker.

Home maker, more like,

You may look as if you're in some

washing powder commercial, but underneath,

you'll always be a grubby little b*tch.

- [crowd gasping]

- Come on, Pamela, let's go.

Come on, leave it.

[all exclaiming]

[Charlie] Whoa! Well, that's her told!

This one's on the house.

[Bit] Well done!

Touch.

[whirring]

[horn honking]

- Here she is!

- Sony I'm late. I couldn't find my keys.

- Come on, Bif,

- [Charlie] Come on, you lot.

- Are you sure you're up to this?

- [Charlie] Shake a leg! Crack on!

- I better be. [groans]

- [Ted] Yes. Move along, get inside.

[lively chatter]

Go! Let's go!

- You look nervous, Ted.

- I'm not nervous.

- I'm bloody terrified.

- You'll be fine.

I hope.

[banging]

Charlie, hang on.

- Room for a small one?

- [all] Yay!

So, you changed your mind, lass.

[sighs] About a lot of things,

actually, Ted.

[all] J' One two three o'clock

four o'clock rock!

I think she regretted it, though.

We used to drive her mad squabbling over

the glitter' didn't we?

My favourite Christmas treat was being

taken up to London to see the lights.

Apart from that time when we went

to see Santa at Selfridges,

and you peed yourself

when you sat on his knee.

I don't know who was more upset,

me or him.

Him probably.

Shall we go tomorrow

Huh'? What? To see the lights?

Why not'?

Okay!-

We could do a bit of shopping,

'cause I need to get something for Luke.

Hmm. All right, well, you do that first

and then I'll meet you later.

- Wait, I'm gonna help you down.

- Help you down?

- Or I'll go down.

- No, no, no, no. Come on.

Hello' Sandra.

Oh, Charlie.

[Sandra] Well, Bif didn't say

you were coming.

No, no, she didn't say

you were coming either, is she here?

All right, um...

I'll, I'll just call her.

All right, yeah, yeah.

[mobile phone ringing]

- [beep]

- Sandra, hi.

[laughs] Oh, I'm so sorry.

I ran into an old flame this afternoon,

I completely lost track of time.

- [whispers] Sorry, we're ready.

- What?

[beeping]

Didn't I mention he was joining us?

[beeping]

Yeah. Listen, I've got to go.

I'll see you back at home.

Okay, bye.

[man] Standard! Standard!

She's not coming, is she'?

Nope.

Well, it'd be a shame not to see

the lights... now we're here.

Hmm?

- Right.

- Shall we? Yeah.

[chatting indistinctly]

I don't know.

What was wrong with a Satsuma

and a couple of walnuts in a stocking?

I wanted to make up for not being there.

- Here, let me take that

- Oh, thank you.

Makes it a bit easier for you, yeah.

Actually, this will be the first year

I won't see my grandson

open his stocking.

Christmas without any children

is going to feel very strange.

Yeah. We tried for kids, but.

it just didn't happen.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh, it's okay. No. In some ways, it...

it brought us closer together.

Anyway, Lilly always said I was

enough trouble to look after, you know?

[laughs]

[indistinct chatter]

Yeah.

Tonight's been a trip down memory lane.

I once stood on this corner with 300 girls

queuing around the block.

Yeah? For what?

Waiting to audition for Chorus Line.

You're a dark horse, aren't you'?

I had a feeling you had a bit of form!

[both laugh]

Did you make the cut?

Well, sort of. Erm, I got through

the second round

but then I discovered I was pregnant.

So, I embraced a different role.

Motherhood.

Ever fancy giving it another go'?

Mike had a rather traditional view

of family life,

and being a West-End Wendy

didn't really fit into that.

[truck beeping]

That's your van, isn't it?

Oh, no. No.

Hey, excuse me, mate, I say, excuse me!

You've gotta be kidding me.

I mean, I've paid till 11 o'clock.

Not to park on a motorbike bay,

you didn't.

Yeah, but its gotta be

a matter of inches, isn't it?

Come on, where's your Christmas spirit

I drive a tow truck, mate,

not Santa's sleigh.

How much is the fine, anyway?

280 for moving it,

plus the parking ticket of 65 quid.

Then, 40 quid a day storage after that.

Surely, in a situation like this, where

someone has made a genuine mistake...

You are breaking my heart, lady.

Ah, well, as a matter of fact,

I happen to be .. Ooh!

[{engine starting]

Oi!

What the hell are you doing?

You coming'?

Oi.

Oi! You can't do that!

Grinch!

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