Fired Up Page #5

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Not that funny a story. Not really

even a story. Just like a fact.

We've been going out

since I was a sophomore.

We should hit it, Carly. I told the guys

we'd be done dinner in 45.

- The guys are with you?

- It was a long-ass drive, babe.

You didn't want me falling asleep

at the wheel, did you?

No, I'm glad you made it.

Yeah, you're glad.

I got a rezzy at Red Lobster.

We've got a booth in the back

behind a plant...

...so no one can see how much

we're all-you-can-eating.

If you know what I'm saying, boys.

Okay. Oh, Shawn.

I have something for you.

Sweet deal you kids

got going on here.

Wish I could hang out,

play all summer.

I'm just a little busy

picking my specialty.

Specialty? You're a freshman.

Your specialty should be putting a cow

in the dean's office.

Animal House reference. Love it!

My mom sent mine,

so I don't need yours anymore.

- Thanks.

- Sure.

And, chief. Next time, if my girl needs

something, she can borrow it from me.

Rick, he was just being nice.

Those feet look pretty small.

What are they, a seven?

Ten and a half, papo.

Eleven in Crocs.

What's the name of that girl

who was 5'7", blond hair, blue eyes?

She's like a dragon.

Reminds me of Christmas.

It's Carols, Care-holes, Car-

Caroline. Caroline.

I'm running out of ink.

You got a pen?

Mopey, I'm talking to you here.

You been sitting out here staring

into space for two hours.

- It's been five minutes.

- Really? That was five minutes?

Guess I really do suck in bed.

Get it? Like I think I'm Sting,

and in all reality...

...I'm like Chad Michael Murray

douching it out in five minutes.

- What's wrong?

- Nothing.

- Come on, tell me.

- It's nothing.

- Tell me.

- It's nothing.

Tell me. Tell me, tell me, tell me...

- Nick.

- Sorry.

- Tell me?

- Carly's boyfriend's a real schwanz.

Dude, you like her. I knew it.

I knew you liked her.

- So? It's no big deal.

- No big deal?

She's on our squad.

You're gonna ruin everything.

Why you gotta do this, huh? Why you

gotta take a leak all over my dreams?

Why you lay a hot toddy

all over my hopes?

- You're being a little dramatic.

- Well, I have never.

What makes this girl so great, bro?

Yeah. What makes this girl

so great, bro?

There's just something about her.

You know when she bumped into me

on the bus?

Or when I saw her reading that book.

That she orders pudding for dessert.

Okay, now you're just listing things

that people do.

No, I'm not.

- Sometimes she writes with a pencil.

- So much worse than I thought.

You're really into this girl.

- No, I'm not.

- Yes, you are.

Why is she with that knob-rocket?

Enough already. You're even

depressing me, and I'm a Virgo.

We have got to cheer you up.

I'm two steps ahead of you, my man.

All right, gentlemen, saddle up.

Listen, ladies,

I couldn't help but notice...

...you were practicing your lifts

on dry ground.

Well, where else

would we practice?

The pond. That's where the top teams

do. Water resistance, better training.

Why do you think octopuses

have skinny arms?

That sounds like a good idea.

We can't. Our swimsuits are

all the way back at the bunks.

We could just go in our underwear.

I mean, that's all swimsuits are.

It's gonna be dark soon anyway,

so no one would see us.

I never thought about it like that,

but I guess you're right.

Look at that. We're all here

thinking inside the box...

...and you're outside

playing a game of "What If?"

Gorgeous and brilliant.

The triple threat.

And we're off. Gentlemen, ladies.

Adam, you've done enough

working out. Let's go.

Oh, there it is.

I am so excited.

I have not been skinny dipping

since Indian Scouts.

Nobody look.

Windmill.

We're leaving our underwear on.

We talked about this, remember?

You talked. I listened.

Paint the fence. Cutting the cake.

Hangman's noose. Hangman's noose.

Incoming.

Misjudged the depth.

It's all good. Learn from me.

This feels great.

It's the water resistance.

It helps strengthen.

It's twice the compound,

half the measure...

- ... and if you equivalate that to-

- Nick. Enough of that.

- Enough of what?

- Drop the game.

There are 300 girls at this camp

and only four straight guys.

It's no mystery why you're ripping

through the place. So come on.

Come on.

Tick tock.

Oh, all right.

You're next.

Ladies.

- Where are our clothes?

- We left them right here.

I know. That's why I'm saying,

"Where are our clothes?"

I'm blazing a trail. I'm blazing a trail.

See you guys.

- Okay, have a great Thanksgiving.

- What?

I don't know, I'm cold.

- I'm cold and I'm flailing.

- I know, I know.

How are you not flailing?

I'm flailing. I too am also flailing.

- So how was she?

- How was who?

- The blond you were making time with.

- I wasn't.

We just talked. She's really nice.

Her grandmother's from Cincinnati.

She helped me on

my crossover basket launches.

I can't believe how high

my extensions are.

I don't know who you are anymore.

Boys.

What are you doing?

It's way past curfew.

We were just...

Practicing.

- Yeah.

- Al dente?

Yeah. We like to do cheers in the nude

so that they really sink in.

That way our bodies learn it

as well as our minds.

That's very Alvin Ailey of you.

I like it.

- Proceed.

- Proceed with what, running away?

No, with the cheer, you goose.

Don't you wanna wait for

another coach? Or a witness?

Five, six, seven, eight.

- Ready?

- Okay.

Hey, Tigers!

- Yeah?

- Hey, Tigers!

Yeah? What do we like to eat?

Panther meat

I said, hey, Tigers!

- Yeah?

- Hey, Tigers!

Yeah? What do we like to do?

Defeat

- Dude, your crankshaft.

- Two.

Orange, black and white unite

Tigers, Tigers, fight, fight, fight!

Tailpipe.

Your counts are off,

your spacing is insane...

...and your moves sloppier

than a kiss from a midshipman.

- What?

- Take it from the top. Positions.

Parallel positions!

Five, six, seven, eight.

Go bananas

Go, go bananas

Go bananas

Go, go bananas

You can put me down now.

Oh, can I?

You jerk.

Jack-knocker.

Oh, look.

- What are they doing?

- It's the Fountain of Troy.

I thought that move

was prohibidimabido.

- My face!

- It's okay, it's okay.

What'd I tell you about

that Fountain of Troy?

Look, you broke her face.

Where am I gonna get another one

of those this late in the day?

Someone call a doctor!

Damn, I wish Rick were here.

Why, so he could ask someone

to call a doctor?

Ever been to

a cheerleading competition?

Oh, you mean like a football game?

No, not a game.

Those are like practices for us.

I'm talking about a tournament.

ESPN cameras all around. Hundreds

of people in crowds cheering.

Wait.

People cheering cheerleaders?

You should be in the movies.

You're hotter than all of these

cheerleaders rolled together.

Cheerleaders rolled together.

I gotta take a Louis Leakey.

Listen, you, don't get any cuter

while I'm gone. I'm serious.

And let me give you a little tip

from a cheerleader.

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