First Kid Page #3

who don't know,

this is Luke Davenport.

And because of Luke's

special circumstances,

his friend will also

be joining us all year.

This is... Mr. Swims?

No, no. Simms.

Mr. Simms. Let's make them

feel welcome.

Yes, Robert?

Yes. How many times has

Mr. Simms been left back?

Very clever, Mr. MacArthur.

I hope to see

some of that cleverness

put to good use this year.

Let's not pick on Mr. Simms.

Let's take a look

at the syllabus

and see what we'll

be studying this year.

Hey, your mom and dad

are waiting downstairs,

and I'm not taking

the fall like Woods.

We're late.

Now, let's go.

What's that?

My--my homework.

Is that all right

with you?

Let's welcome our friend

in the White House,

the President

of the United States,

Paul Davenport!

Sir, sorry I'm late.

I had some milk.

I'm lactose intolerant--

Shut up, Simms.

What is that?

- What, sir?

- That!

Very funny, sir.

This is a black tie affair.

I know, sir

and I got it covered.

I'm black

and I'm wearing a tie.

- Don't go there.

- Sorry, sir.

Can I ask you a question?

No, but you're gonna.

Is the agency

jealous of my style?

We are.

I'm serious! I mean,

why can't my clothes

fit my personality?

Bright, bold, colourful?

I'm a good agent.

I think it's time for

the agency to change, sir.

You're right.

Change into this.

Thanks for

your support, sir.

Sir, I got to

check something.

What?

Trust me.

I'll put that on.

I gotta check

something out, sir.

...Linda and me back to the

White House for 4 more years.

No! Not the snake!

I hate snakes!

That's it! I quit!

I got it! Hey!

Don't you kick me!

I'll have you arrested

for stinky feet!

I got gum in my afro!

That's it. It's official.

I'm gonna kill this kid.

He's dead.

It's the snake.

Don't you bite me!

Gotcha! Lady, shh!

Please...

Don't... scream.

- What's going on?

- Poison, sir.

- Poison!

- Poison!

Code 3!

Get the paramedics!

Lunch has been poisoned!

No!

No! Oh, he's licking me!

He's licking me with

the little licky tongue!

Wait a minute!

He's trying to bite me!

Oh! Grab it!

Hey, that's my head!

Want a cabbage head?

Take this cabbage head!

How about some bean dip,

mister?

I got something for you!

I got something for you!

Sir, I've taken care

of the situation.

I told you

he's such a dork.

Hey, turn around!

Yeah, turn around!

Simms, can you

give me some space?

No problem.

This better?

Do you want me to tell

Morton about that tie?

OK, then back off.

You're suffocating me.

Fine.

I'd like to suffocate you.

It's a dream I have.

Hey, guys, check this out.

Come on, Rob.

Go get him.

Watch this.

Hey, want to come

eat with us?

No, thanks.

Why not?

You think you're

better than everyone?

Not everyone.

Did you hear what

he just said to me?

You don't ever

say that to Rob.

All right, Mr. Luke.

Let's see how you do

on your own.

I don't think you're

better than... anyone.

Whatever.

Hey, we just want

to know how it feels

to be the biggest butt

in the world!

'Cause we saw it all over

the news the other night.

Yeah. I'm sure it looked

just like your face.

Hey!

Oh, we're not so cool without

our baby-sitter now, are we?

He's not my baby-sitter.

I knew it.

He's a wuss!

Hit him!

Come on, let's go!

Just like his dad,

the draft dodger, right?

"First kid"?

Come on! Come on!

He slaps like my sister.

You know,

as a matter of fact,

I think my sister slaps

a little bit harder.

- Shut up!

- Get out of here!

Hey, where you going?

First wuss, I'm over here.

Come on, you dork!

Let's go!

Come on! Hit me!

Come on, slap me!

You can do it.

Dash, get these

photographers out of here.

Let's go. Come on.

Hit me!

Come on!

Get out of the way!

Hey, what are you doing?

Put me down!

The show's over!

Everybody back off!

Are you all right?

You OK, Luke?

Man, that's what you get!

Oh, I bet that hurts.

Can you take him

to get cleaned up?

Come on, let's go.

I hope you don't

need stitches.

Mr. Simms!

Can I talk to you

for a minute?

Me?

If you're not going

to protect him,

then I suggest you recommend

someone who will.

Excuse me?

Where were you while

he got beat up?

That's none of your

business, all right?

And the kid asked

for some space.

Well, I suggest

you give him less space.

Don't tell me

how to do my job, OK?

And I won't tell you

how to teach

your little boring

science class.

Luke is in

a tough situation.

He's got a high profile,

he's in a new school,

he needs your support.

I know how this kid

operates, you don't.

The last thing

he needs is support.

And what is it

he needs?

He just got it.

You know, you need

to learn how to box.

Why? That's what you're

supposed to be for.

Wrong. My job

is to protect you

from psychos,

wackos, kidnappers--

not 14-year-old boys wearing

blue blazers, all right?

But you know what?

That's unfortunate for you,

because as much trash

as you talk,

you need to learn how

to defend yourself.

I didn't ask you

for your advice,

so just take me home.

Know what?

All I got to do is

keep him out of trouble

till I get bumped

to Eagle. That's all.

...not counting the half

million we had in Bosnia.

Paul, hello.

I'm terribly sorry.

Honey...

You know the joint chiefs.

Hello, generals,

admirals.

Linda, I am in

the middle of a meeting

with the joint chiefs

of staff.

Can't this wait?

Yes, it can wait,

if you want to see it

on the news tonight.

He was in a fight, Paul.

Guys, could you give us

a few seconds?

- Yes, sir.

- Yes, sir.

I guess that nuclear treaty

can wait.

Sit down over there.

Sit.

All right,

what happened?

Well, that's what

I'd like to know.

We're looking into it.

We may be making

some changes.

Well, now, let's

hold up on that.

I'm sure Simms would've

stopped it if he could have.

Now, how did

this incident begin?

Well, sir,

one of the boys--

It was just something stupid.

Now, look, Luke,

your mother and I

are going to be out on

the campaign trail for a while

and while we're gone,

I really need you to be

on your best behaviour.

Now I hate to do this

but while we're gone,

you're grounded.

How long are you

gonna be gone?

About a month.

What?! I have to stay

in the house

while you guys go

travel all over?

This sucks!

You guys have all the fun!

Watch your language.

Linda?

I think he just needs

some time to cool off.

Luke!

Brandy, you seen Luke?

I'm not in the mood

for games, Luke.

Where are you?

I heard about this.

They told me

this was closed off.

I can't believe this kid

got this thing open.

Luke?

What is this place?

You OK?

What are you doing

down here?

What's the difference?

Nobody cares.

If you hadn't come, no one

would even known I was gone.

That's not true.

Now, your mother and

father would have.

Sooner or later

they would have known.

Trust me, it would

have been later.

I'm here. I care.

Yeah, so?

It's your job.

You don't even like it.

"I just gotta keep him

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