Fletch Lives Page #8

your facts wrong, Mr. Gantry.

Your company is supposed

to get 1500 gallons.

Destination someplace

called Belle Isle in Louisiana.

Signed for by an officer of

your company and due the 23rd.

So... we're right,

and you're wrong.

Let me see that.

Takes a big man to admit when

he's wrong. I am not a big man.

We're late again, because you

had to stay late at the jail.

Hurry up.

Just get out.

Are you all right?

You're wrecking my present.

My fault?

Wash and gas it.

Check the brake fluid, will ya?

My friends,

ladies and gentlemen.

With all the fun we've been having, I hope we

don't forget our real purpose here tonight...

to preserve the legacy

that nature has given us.

We are mere custodians of...

Bob Lee.

Bobby Lee. Bobby Lee.

Bobby Lee.

Bobby Lee Schwartz.

Schwartz.

Schwartz, the Second.

Fletch!

What you doin' here?

- What are you doin' here?

- You know me. I ain't happy unless I'm working.

Why, Fletch, I'm surprised to see

you here, sir. Welcome, sir, welcome.

My pleasure, my pleasure.

Thank you for not inviting me.

Oh!

I do believe we have

something to discuss.

Oh. Well, might I suggest we

repair ourselves to a quieter place.

Let us remove ourselves,

shall we?

Son of a gun, we'll have

big fun on the bayou.

My mama's room.

I've kept it just the

way it was when she died.

Her ashes?

She used to say, "We come from the

earth and we return to the earth,

and in between,

we garden."

A little gardening,

a little polluting.

They spelled my name wrong.

My gun's made of rubber.

How 'bout yours?

No.

I see your point.

Wouldn't do for your conservationists

guests to hear about...

that load of toxic waste heading

for my land at Belle Isle.

My land...

at Belle Isle, Fletch.

After you die, who's gonna prove that

you did not sell your land to Everest?

You may have this town

in your back pocket, Johnson,

but there are a lot of people downstairs

who are gonna be very interested...

in the hows and whys

of Amanda Ray's death.

She knew about Bluebird.

She started a file on you,

and you found out about it.

That was my lucky night. The night I found

the Bluebird file, the night you porked her.

I figured it was like an alligator shoot on

the freeway, if you'll excuse the metaphor.

- It's not a metaphor. It's a simile, to be precise.

- Whatever.

So you poisoned Amanda, figuring I'd sell

and get out if I was facing a murder charge.

- I don't scare easy. I'm too dumb.

- So it would seem.

Now get out of my mama's chair before

I put the first bullet up your nose.

Are you kidding?

You pull that trigger and 100

people will be up here in a second.

My dear boy, why would

I do my own dirty work?

Those hundred do-gooders down

there dressed in rebel crap...

will be my alibi.

Now get outta

my mama's chair!

I synchronized my beloved Laker

watch with Miss Culpepper's Timex.

If I dont join her at the ministry

in 10 minutes, the whole ugly story...

goes out on

the Farnsworth Network.

Of course, it's cable, but...

- You're bluffing, Fletch.

- No, I'm not.

You think you're not...

but you are.

Swell.

- Did he hurt you?

- Not yet. That comes later.

Sorry, Becky.

The band won't take a break for some

time, so screaming would be futile.

Mr. Fletch's convenient

appearance has allowed us...

to move up our plans for your

demise to coincide with his.

Now I'm goin' downstairs

to be the gracious host.

Do what you have to do.

- The bride of Frankenstein.

- Put my mama down!

Oh! I'm sorry.

Oh, how clumsy of me.

Oops! I'm sorry. I stepped

right on her mustache.

Get away! Get away!

- Sorry. I was just trying to help.

- It's all right, Mama.

You should be more careful

where you put your breakables.

I've been careful

all my life.

When she was sick,

I was careful.

Then that goddamn Jimmy Lee's

ministry... taking everything she had.

Bloodsuckers!

It's gonna be all right, Mama.

And when we're far, far away...

from this godforsaken

chemical swamp,

we're gonna sit back and

watch 'em all just decompose.

That should be good for Bibleland's business,

all their customers glowing in the dark.

I hope they all fry

in hell!

- You bloodsucking bastards!

- Isn't this interesting?

- Put that down.

- She really is in there.

- Put that down.

- She seems to have lost a little weight.

I thought you had her stuffed and

mounted. Here she is. Head's up!

Ohh! Ohh!

Becky!

Swine... Darryl, are

you having a good time?

Welcome to great Noah's Ark...

where we have a flood

every 10 minutes.

In the...

No! This way.

Join our pyramid of prayer.

For only $12,

you begin your exciting journey

up the pyramid.

And when you reach the top,

you're gonna be the target

of 20,000 prayers!

A lady in Fargo, North Dakota broke the

chain and began a five-day fit of sneezing...

that ended in her death.

Daddy?

Well, Mr. Fletcher, what a pleasant

surprise. And, Becky, what are you...

Look who's here! Hamilton

Johnson! Friend of the community.

Ham, you look like you've

worked up quite a sweat.

Maybe you should dry your hair

first. Do you want a towel?

Uh-oh, he's got a gun.

Show your lovely face on national television.

Let 'em see that greedy glint in your eye.

Let 'em hear

that bullshit chuckle, Ham.

Who's gonna save you now,

Fletch?

You'll have to shoot through

me, you son of a b*tch!

He's not gonna shoot anybody. Are

you, Ham? You're on television now.

You haven't got the guts.

- My mistake.

- Freeze!

F.B.I. Drop the gun!

I said, drop it. Harry!

And it's my plan to rerun this

incident every night during Sweeps Week.

The obvious question is... What did

you know and when did you know it?

And how long did you plan

on letting me twist in the wind?

Up to a point. The Agency was

barking up the same tree you were.

Jimmy Lee's finances.

Yep.

It was easy for Harry and Field Officer

Vincent to infiltrate the ministry.

Field Officer Vincent?

That's Mr. Coco's

real name.

We've been working on

this case for over a year.

Excuse me, Agent Goldstein, the officer

would like to speak to you. Surely.

Goldstein?

Thank you, sir.

Ding dong,

the wicked witch is dead.

So what's next, Fletch?

Back to L.A.?

There's no place like home.

Unless home is here.

You know what? We gotta get you

away from this chemical swamp.

I was wondering...

Do you like smog?

Back home there was

a surprise party for me.

But the nicest surprise was an insurance

check for the Belle Isle fire... $ 100,000.

However, no one stopped Bly Bio Chem

from dumping that toxic waste on my land.

They told me not to worry. Its

half-life was estimated at 3,000 years.

Everything okay, Fletch?

Betty was a little pissed off

about giving up her office,

and accounting gave me some flak

about the new car, but trust me,

everything's gonna be just the

way you want it, maybe better.

I like your attitude, Frank.

Excuse me just a sec. What a guy!

I thought I told you...

never to come to my workplace.

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