Fletch Lives Page #7

Satanized affliction that I

suffer from:
: Migraine headaches.

Don't you, Jim Bob?

Is that you?

Come on down, Jim Bob.!

Praise be.! Hallelujah.!

Amen.!

Praise the Lord!

Be saved!

Jim Bob, welcome.

God bless you.

Jim Bob, how long have

you had these headaches?

About five, 10 minutes.

God... help him!

- And how do you feel now?

- It's a throbbing...

God bless you. A throbbing headache

comes up through your heels,

up through the hip bone, the knee bone,

up the spine, up through your back,

through your head like Satan

was belching through you?

- Is that it?

- Exactly.

- Do you believe?

- I believe.

He believes! Hallelujah!

Amen! God bless. Amen.

Hallelujah.

Rid this man of these headache

demons, of these migraine demons.

Heal this man!

Amen!

Amen!

Hallelujah!

Oh, good golly, Miss Molly!

How do you feel, son?

My headache is gone, but...

God bless him! Is there

anything else I can do for you?

No! No. Good! God bless you. Praise be.

Ladies and gentlemen,

thank you so much. Ouch!

I am worn to the bone.

Thank you very much for

gracing us with your presence.

Good night. Praise be!

Maybe I was wrong

about Farnsworth.

There was a new player in the

game:
: Becky's unknown client.

I had to find out more, and the

only way was to get into her pants...

I mean, her car. At least it

had brakes. Her car, that is.

Fletch, what

are you doing?

The guy who works in there

stole my watch.

He dropped it while he was trying to kill

me. I'd just as soon he not recognize me.

I'd like to keep an eye on him.

Maybe he'll lead us to his boss.

How long are we

gonna be here?

Bored?

Oh, no!

This is exciting!

Fletch?

What?

I have to pee.

The same thing used to happen

whenever I'd play hide-and-seek.

I always got caught. You think

the morgue has a ladies' room?

Hey.

Not so close. Try to get a

little distance between you.

I'm gonna have to play it pretty

tough in there. Still have to pee?

I gather the rain

isn't helping a lot.

- There's always the bushes.

- I'll be okay.

If I'm not back in five minutes,

call your dad.

Could I have a soda, please?

Diet Pepsi or a Tab

would be good.

- Hey, p*ssy.

- Name's Ed. Ed Harley.

Are you sure

you're in the right place?

I think so.

"Think so"!

Ed, what are you doin' here?

I'll give you a hint.

Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

Hmm?

You don't get it?

You're the one

that doesn't get it.

Ed Harley.

Harley-Davidson Motorcycles.

You own the company?

Well, my granddaddy started it. Then my

daddy screwed Davidson out of his half.

Now I own the whole thing.

- Harley-Davidson?

No sh*t? - No sh*t.

Hey, y'all, Ed Harley

of Harley-Davidson!

We're the Nazis from Natchez!

Who're you callin',

babe?

Knock it off! Yo, boss, look who's here!

Harley-Davidson. Yo, Ed, come

over here and meet the boss.

Hi. Ed Harley, the Third.

Harley-Davidson Motorcycles.

If you need any T-shirts or decals,

I can make arrangements for you.

I just can't wait.

- What model do you ride?

- '78 XL.

'78 XL? That's a legend!

It's not blue, is it?

- You in luck, white boy. Come on.

- Oh!

There she is. Ain't she

beautiful? Original blue!

Oh, she is a beaut. Gee, golly,

I'd love to ride this '78 XL.

Nobody...

touches my Hog.

- Sorry. - If you wanna ride

that low-rider, that's all right.

Hell, we'll all ride.

Fire 'em up!

Do you mind if...

Darleen.

- If Darleen rides with me?

- Feeling a little horny, Ed?

Yeah. You know, my life

isn't all hubs and gears.

Take it easy.

% All right now%

% Hey, hey

We're gonna go out tonight%

Little murky in the oxydol.

We're gonna flush that out,

suck it, streamline it.

Hey, your mustache

looks funny.

Oh, boy.

Hey, look at that!

Came off.

% One for the money

Two for the show%

% Gotta go, let's go

Hey, hey%

% Gonna go out tonight%

% Gonna have some fun%

% Everything

will be all right% %

What're we gonna do? Something that

will seem extremely stupid at first.

Oh, my God!

Yee-ha!

Home!

Oh, my God!

I'm a mess.

You want some coffee?

Sure.

I look like a raccoon.

I gotta get to work, although I don't know

why. All I do is sit with nothing to do.

The only work I've had in the last three

months has been with Everest Realty.

And look what that's gotten

me. Can I use your phone?

Sure, go ahead.

That's toxic waste on the soles.

What have you been doing?

Jogging in the Love Canal.

What do you mean "toxic waste"?

- It's special. There's only 11 places that make this sh*t.

- Where?

Frank, just give me the ones

that aren't in New Jersey.

Ah, there's only one.

Yazoo, Mississippi.

Bingo.

I wanna thank you

for everything you've done.

I'm sorry I caused

such a mess.

Can I ask you a personal

question? Mm-hmm.

Did you finally get

to pee?

Yes.

Good.

You better get cleaned up.

Yeah.

Particularly my mind.

Where's the shampoo?

I'll get you some.

Here. You'll need

a clean towel too.

No, yours will be fine.

Fletch!

You're right.

This is too wet.

You know how

to get to Yazoo?

Well, you're in

the right vicinity.

The church seemed less

and less culpable.

Why would they want toxic waste next

to their land? Why would anybody?

Why are there four S's in Mississippi?

Four I's and only two P's...

and one "M'"

as far as I know?

Bly Bio Chem was the biggest

chemical plant in Mississippi.

My Laker shoes were ruined

by toxic waste produced there.

They probably knew who

delivered it to my backyard.

Now the lead-lined containers

painted with innocent bluebirds...

added a crucial piece

to the puzzle...

that had begun way back

in Amanda Ross's pants...

I mean, bedroom.

This is a secure area.

I'm very happy for you. Most people

live in terrible neighborhoods.

Are you the head honcho? That's

right, sir. Headly Dan Duke.

And what seems

to be your problem?

I agreed to take a sh*t load of

that Bluebird crap off your hands.

And it ain't come yet. I'm

very sorry, sir. And you are?

I are pissed!

Some damn fool told me it was on

back order, and I'd have to wait.

Whose signature is this?

Who signed that? I can't...

That's the trouble! It's

typical of a large corporation.

Lack of communication. That's

why I like to keep Everest small.

Oh, you're from Everest!

Now you're talkin'!

Elmer Gantry. Elmer Fudd Gantry. I'm

not sure there's anything I can do.

You could pull my file instead of

standing there pulling your pud!

Whatever you say, sir.

Bring me the Everest file.

Yes, sir.

Mr. Gantry?

I apologize for my bellicosity.

I've had a hernia operation.

Is that the stuff

I'm supposed to get?

Yes, sir. Why are they

wearing those funny suits?

They're protective, as you know. That's a

very corrosive by-product they're handling.

Oh, yeah. I guess if they

didn't wear those suits,

those boys would be so full of holes,

they'd whistle when they walked.

I've been spitting up blood,

pissing blood, bleeding.

I go through five

of these suits a day.

It appears you have

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes