Fletch Lives Page #6

Now, who would do that?

Damn shame. I'll go outside

and see what's goin' on.

What was it? I thought I saw somethin'.

I just fired in the air

to scare whatever it was.

Didn't sleep well that night, and

it wasn't the fault of the water bed.

Something was rotten

in this whole situation.

Figuring out that the thug

who dropped my watch...

was the same guy who stole it at the

morgue didn't take Sherlock Holmes.

Larry Holmes

could've figured that out.

I wasn't sure who'd be taking the next

shot at me, so I decided to work alone.

Fletch, perfect timing. I've

got just what you asked for.

Frank, stop salivating. I'm sending

you my Laker high-tops for lab analysis.

He's behaving very strangely.

He must be in trouble.

Somebody must be holding

a gun to his head.

Fletch, if you need rescuing,

just say,

"I believe Louisiana

is the Pelican State."

Okay, Frank. I believe Louisiana is the

Pelican State... as a matter of fact.

- What do you have on Farnsworth?

- I've got everything you need.

Jimmy Lee Farnsworth, former

used-car salesman in Biloxi.

In '77, he pleaded "no contest"

to a charge of check kiting.

'81, discovered by businessmen who helped

him found the Farnsworth Television Ministry.

Our sources indicate he may be a

target of federal investigation.

- Anything else?

- Uh, two marriages.

One daughter goes by wife's

maiden name. Becky Culpepper.

It was hard to believe that beautiful

Becky was Farnsworth's daughter.

But I wasn't gonna hold it

against her.

If I was gonna hold anything against

her, it certainly wouldn't be her father.

Fletch, I heard about the

fire. I hope you're all right.

I'm just fine.

I was just lying in the embers of my house,

trying to calm my nerves after being shot at.

What? You were shot at? I was thinking

what a good day to sell my property...

and move back to Los Angeles.

Is the buyer

still interested?

No, I'm afraid

he withdrew.

I still have five minutes on the

meter. Let's talk in your office.

Now, why don't you tell me

who your client is?

Is it the

Farnsworth Ministry?

Why would you say that?

And who is shooting at you?

Maybe the

Reverend Farnsworth.

Look, Jimmy Lee Farnsworth

may be a lot of things,

but he's not a murderer.

You're right,

he is many things.

A former used-car salesman, a confessed

embezzler, your father, good square dancer.

That's right,

he is my father.

But I'm also

telling you the truth.

Becky, somebody wants my land

bad enough to kill me for it.

Now, if you don't tell me who your client

is, I'm gonna find out some other way.

It is guest healer's night

with Jimmy Lee on this...

the 4,323rd edition of our show

with tonight's special guests...

people with

the healing gift.

Excuse me. May I have your

name? I'm Claude Henry...

Claude Henry...

Claude Henry.

Claude... Claude or Clod is good. Henry.

Henry.

Smmoot.

Henry. Smmoot. S-M-M-O-T-T.

I'm sorry. Two "O's," one "T."

I'm a guest healer.

Smmoot, a guest healer.

Yes. Healed.

God bless you.

With Mimsy Carlyle.

Wait here.

The heavenly feet...

of Damon Feather.

God's simian favorite,

Mr. Coco.

The guest healers who have volunteered

for tonight's show will follow Jimmy Lee.

And now the founder

of our show,

your friend,

Mr. Good News himself,

Jimmy Lee Farnsworth.!

You know,

I have a feeling that there's someone out

there amongst us who needs to step forward.

Gordon Joe James.

Gordon Joe James.

Who are you?

Gordon Joe lost a limb

to a pit bull.

Gordon Joe, will you please

stand and raise your right hand?

Left hand.

Excuse me, left hand.

There you are.!

Bibleland Two.

Jimmy Lee's dream.

He was like some deranged

Walt Disney.

It was all in front of me.

Ham Johnson's place.

His mother's bequest.

Belle Isle.

The numbers on the boxes were certainly

not zip codes. Maybe computer codes.

All I needed now was a computer, and a

ten-year-old kid to teach me how to use it.

% Cash or check%

% Or MasterCard%

% MasterCard% %

Bobby Ralph?

Peter Lemongello.

Your house is on fire.

What? They told me to tell

you, your house is on fire.

I'll take over.

God bless you!

God bless you

for believing this sh*t.

There was a new element I hadn't

anticipated:
: A second suspect.

Becky's client was not the ministry, but

some secret entity called Everest Development.

She never knew who they were.

Becky was a good girl, and wouldn't

have to be spanked. Damn it.

Who's gonna be the next one

to get the call?

Who's gonna be

the next one saved?

- Who's going to be...

- T'Boo Ted Marshall.

T'Boo Ted Marshall,

are you with us tonight?

Yes, indeed, Reverend.!

But how can God help my problem?

T'Boo Ted is a...

Compulsive gambler.

T'Boo Ted, the first you

gotta do is expose that problem!

Excuse me?

If you can't expose that

problem, at least to your family,

it grows and grows, and becomes

an even bigger problem.!

That's true!

He's been a compulsive gambler

for 20 years.

Because you've had this

affliction for more than 20 years,

I think you should

expose that problem to us...

right here... tonight.

I want you to do it. The

good Lord wants you to do it!

- You really think so?

- I know so!

Do it. Do it now!

Well, if you say so.

Oh, God,

put your pants back on.!

Coming right back to introduce

our guest healers.

Let's welcome all of them

beginning with Claude Henry Smmoot.

Come on out, Claude!

Here we are.

I have a headache.

No, Claude, this way.

You're gonna do just fine.

Now, get out there. Go on.

I said, get out there now!

Here he is!

Make him welcome, folks!

Welcome, Claude Henry.

When was the very first time,

the very first moment that made

the difference in your life?

Well, Jimmy Lee, I was...

I was, uh,

on my gazebo, on the roof

making some repairs,

and I was struck

by lightning.

I have had acute migraine headaches

and blurred vision since then.

But praise the Lord, that

was my lucky day because...

ever since then I have had

the healing power.

Amen. God bless you. Thank you

very much. Good night. Thank you.

Claude Henry. Good night.

What? What happened? Yes?

Before you heal another,

would you like for me to attempt

to heal your own affliction?

No, no! No, no. No, those

of us with perfect faith...

have no need

of perfect vision.

We have no need of wisdom.

We have no need of anything except

the creature comforts and lots of them.

Hallelujah.! Amen.! God bless

you. Amen. Thank you. Hallelujah.

Ladies and gentlemen,

he sees more than he doth know.

- Yes, I do.

Amen!

Claude Henry has the gift.!

Would you use that gift, Claude

Henry? Would you use it now?

I guess I could.

Praise be.

Reverend, I sense that

in our audience...

there is a gentleman

by the name of Jim Bob.

Jim Bob, would you stand up?

Would you rise, please?

Sixteen, 17...

I sense that Jim Bob

is a young man.

That he is between

the ages of 25, 27.

That's more like it.

I feel the Lord is telling me that

Jim Bob suffers from the same...

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