Fletch Lives Page #5

photographs of myself, do ya?

No! No!

It worked for the Ayatollah.

Mr. Fletcher, your Belle Isle's

a bit rundown.

That sucker's gonna eat

you alive in maintenance.

You don't know how much your

land would mean to our ministry.

And to God, too, of course. After all, he

does give us our guidance now, doesn't he?

- Amen!

- You bet your ass.

Like my mother used to say,

"There's a tick for every dog. '"

What did your mother

mean by that?

Why in God's name you let Farnsworth's

ministry burrow into your fur?

Why would you even think of givin' away your

property when you got a big cash offer on it?

I don't know. I guess I thought,

after a lifetime of hedonism,

it was time

to rededicate my life.

Nah, I just wanted to see what would

happen if I went along with him.

Well, it happened.

The sheriff's office called.

The charges against you

have been dropped.

Is that right?

Mm-hmm.

The ministry has a good deal

of influence around here.

I suppose you've heard

that your...

aunt was under considerable emotional

strain in the weeks before she died?

Yeah, I've heard that.

So was my mother.

They took advantage of her.

These Holy Rollers.

When she was at death's door, they

preyed on her faith and her fear.

When she was no longer able

to make rational decisions,

persuaded her to give away our

land for that amusement park.

My guess is that your speedy

conversion and your promised gift...

played no small part in the

charges against you being dropped.

Well, whatever.

At least I'm off the hook.

And who or what do they think is

responsible for Amanda Ray's death?

The autopsy report

come in today.

They said she died of a

heart attack. Natural causes.

Either she had

some congenital defect...

or... you're one

hell of a lover.

Probably both.

I needed more background on Farnsworth

so I called Frank for a favor.

Maybe I should've asked him

to check out Calculus Entterby.

I liked him, but I wasn't buying

his Amos and Andy routine.

He seemed a lot smarter

than that.

I never took you to be no

murderer. That's a relief.

So who's the

odds on favorite now?

Nobody.

They're sayin' she dropped

dead in her sleep. Yeah!

The odds on that?

Same as catchin' a bass

this afternoon.

What's that?

About 258,000 to one.

You sure you

don't wanna back out?

I'm in.

This be the morgue?

Have the police come yet?

What? The police! They was bringing

a doctor to make a death certificate.

You got a stiff, boy, you're

in the right place. Where is it?

In my Cadillac.

Put him on the gurney. Take him

in the back with the rest of'em.

Don't bother me.

I'm watchin The Terminator.

You better put a steerin'wheel

on that. Excuse me, sir.

I'll be right back now.

- What's that stickin' out?

- His lucky golf cap.

Hey.!

You gotta tag his toe.

- He got a name?

- Eldridge Cleaver.

Take him in the back,

strip him. Hold it.

Let's see what Mr. Cleaver has,

or should I say, had.

Wait a minute.

Shouldn't I get that?

Tell you what.

I'll make you a deal.

You call me whenever you want,

I'll tell you what time it is.

Now get movin!

- Eldridge Cleaver.

- Shh.

Good evening, Mr. Hoffa.

Amanda Ross. Amanda Ross.

Five.

Can I take a look?

Yeah, go on.

Boo!

Any mail for me?

You don't have a Tic-Tac,

do you?

What happened?

I black out?

Did I land the plane

safely? Passengers hurt?

No.

Everything's okay?

Check that air-conditioning.

What'd you find out, Fletch?

Cremated. I wouldn't be surprised if all

the paperwork was burnt up with the body.

The morgue proved to be

a dead end.

But I guess it is

for most people.

I had three questions. Why was

I cleared in Amanda's death?

Why, if she wasn't murdered, was

the body so quickly destroyed?

And finally, when it comes to stewed prunes,

are three enough or are four too many?

When I got back to Belle Isle, there

was a cozy fire in the fireplace...

and on the roof, on the walls

and on the porch.

It was great.

Think maybe I should pack.

Guess you'll be movin' in

with me now. Thanks, Cal.

Look at the bright side. You won't have

to bother dusting anymore. Yes, sir!

Here's your diet plate.

Thank you, Miss Selma. Does everything

around here come with the head still on it?

- You bet, honey.

- Glad I didn't order a hamburger.

I'd say grace,

but I don't wanna wake him up.

Are you religious?

I believe in a God that

doesn't need heavy financing.

How you doin', Mr. Barbour?

How's it goin', Calculus?

Fine, fine.

This here's Mr. Fletcher.

He's the new owner of Belle

Isle, or whatever's left of it.

Yeah, I heard about your

fire. Sorry about that.

You know, you've had your share of

problems ever since you've been here.

How about me and the boys showing

you some real Southern hospitality?

You ever been

on a coon hunt?

Now a coon hunt is like an English fox

hunt, except we cut through all the bullshit,

all the fancy clothes and

music, all the beautiful women.

We reduce the experience

to its essence.

Yeah, a bunch of sweaty drunks

chasin' a scared animal.

You're damn right.!

What am I supposed to do?

The dogs do most of the work.

We just follow the dogs, they

tree the coon, we get him down.

This drug testing

has gone too far.

Take a jolt.

Kick-a-poo joy juice?

Oh, stronger than that!

Whoo!

Aren't you coming?

Nah, it ain't safe for a black man to

be chasin' around these woods at night...

unless he be handcuffed

to a white man.

I'll see you back at... my

"domiside." You want some of this?

You haven't lived till

you've been on a coon hunt,

and after that,

you don't want to.

But it gave me a chance to

snoop around the neighborhood.

The ministry seemed so hot

for all this land. Why?

Maybe they just wanted a remote

spot to bury Jim and Tammy.

Where the hell are we? Actually,

this is my place, or was.

I ain't been on it

since I sold the sucker.

This is your property over here and

that's Ham's mama's old place over there.

Don't you think we oughta

catch up with the boys?

Damn right. There's a couple of'em I don't

think I should leave alone with the dogs.

Oh, wait up.

Jesus! What happened

to my flower garden?

Everything's dead!

Yo, Barbour.! Rags has got a

water moccasin in his mouth.

Hey, we in luck. You wanna

jerk the head off a snake?

Oh, no.

I gave it up for Lent.

I'm not gonna miss the fun.

Hey, guys, wait up!

I never liked guns, especially

when they're pointed at me.

And this night a couple of people were

taking pot shots in my general direction.

It was time

to get outta there.

11:
27 to be exact.

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I was heartbroken to miss

the raccoon,

but all I wanted was a good night's

sleep so I headed for Cal's water bed.

Welcome back. Jimmy Lee

was on a roll tonight.

Ten salvations. Big

bucks. You catch a coon?

I was shot at. Somebody's

sure trying to scare me off.

And they don't mind killing me

to underline the threat.

You were shot at? Yep.

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