Flirting with Disaster Page #13

- Garcia?

- Garcia Coplin.

Garcia! Garcia Coplin.

- Look. Look, he likes it.

- I like it too.

- Garcia Coplin.

- Yeah.

- Garcia.

- Yeah.

- You think I should get that?

- Sure.

Hello? Sh*t-- Shitkings--

- Schlichting.

- Schlichtings' residence.

- What kind of trouble are you in?

- Us? We're not in trouble.

You're the ones who're in jail.

There were drugs in the trunk

of your car. Why are there

drugs in the trunk of your car?

- How did you get our car?

- We tracked you to the ''Shitkings''...

-Will you-- Will you hurry.

-because we thought you were in trouble.

- Well, why did you think

we were in trouble?

- Because of the phone call.

- The truck and the baby.

- Oh, no-- No, Ma, I was talking to that

evil little dwarf woman at the B-and-B.

- We wer-- We weren't in trouble.

- Oh.

- Your mother as usual has overreacted.

- I did not overreact, Eddie!

If I overreacted...

- Well, you said in front of--

why am I wearing handcuffs

in the middle of a jail?

Th-There's obviously

been some mishap, sir.

These people are not drug runners.

I mean, look at them.

They're, they're from New York.

They're, they're my parents.

You hear that, Eddie?

He called us his parents.

Of course you're

my parents. Mom--

Oh, Mel.

- Ow, Ma, your chain's

pulling on my hair.

- Wait a minute. Wait.

Sorry, darling.

Bobby, take these forms back

to the office, these release forms.

And get these nice people their

car keys. This is all over here.

This is a Federal agent here,

and he just told me the whole story

about the ''Shlytings.''

- ''Schlitinooks.''

- ''Shitkings.''

- No, Schlichtings.

Well, anyway, it's clear

that we have the wrong people here.

- They found--

- That's what I've been trying to tell

this guy for the last half hour.

- Thank God for this Federal agent.

And by the way, w-w-why

are you not wearing pants?

- I had an experience, that's why.

- What do you mean?

I resisted at first, and then it evolved

and it continues to evolve for me.

I don't know what the hell

he's talking about, but I got some

jewellery somewhere, if you please.

- A diamond and some turquoise.

- Yes, ma'am. Sure, just let me

get those cuffs for you.

I don't know. We may be able

to work out a private adoption

through some people I know in Colorado.

- How long will that take?

- Usually six to-- months

to a year. I don't know.

But if you're willing to wait,

you know, I may be able to find

a couple of lesbians...

- who would be willing to conceive...

- That's good. Lesbians are good.

- and then you could share

the baby with them.

- No way. I'm not gonna do that.

- No? Why?

- I think these two are homosexuals.

- They want to adopt a kid.

That's so sick.

Can you imagine the neurosis

that child would be exposed to?

- Okay. Okay, here we go.

- Okay.

- Everyone, pull together. Paul, smile.

- Are we ready? Okay.

One, two!

- Yo, ye pharaohs, let us walk

- Are you okay?

Through this barren desert

in search of truth

And some pointy boots

and maybe a few snack crackers

Baby, you make me wanna walk

- All right. All right.

- Like a camel

- Why do we have to baby-sit tonight?

- Oh, sweetie.

- Come on, come on. Ahh, yes.

- All right. Shh.

Okay. Here. That's-- Oh, I know--

- Because the kids need some time alone.

- The kids need time alone?

Yes! God, Eddie,

where's your sense of romance?

Who's in charge here

- Where's my captain's wafers

- I can't, I can't.

It's making me too nervous.

- Oh, it made you nervous when he

was in the other room. Come on.

- Okay.

- Maybe next--

- Will you relax, please?

- Is that my beeper?

- No, that's not your beeper.

- Let's get this beeper

and this gun out of here.

- No, my gun--

Wanna walk

Like a camel

It's a blind date. I don't know.

Some benefit or something.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

No, I am not smoking, Mother.

Look, I gotta go.

He's here.

Yeah, he knows. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, I know.

I'll call you tomorrow. Uh-- Uh-huh.

Pain in my ass.

I'm coming!

Say, you don't think there's, uh

any way I can get that quarter

From underneath

of your pointy boot, do you

All I want--

- Shalom, shalom.

- Shalom, shalom.

Shalom. Deeper.

You guys, this place sucks.

Everybody speaks Spanish.

- Did you ever hear of knocking?

- What are you looking for?

- I'm looking for some weed.

- No, you find your own weed.

- Get out of that drawer.

- You guys, I'm totally bored here.

Honey-- Honey, it takes time

to make new friends. Be patient.

Say, you don't think

there's, uh, any way

I could get that quarter from underneath

of your pointy boot, do you

All I want is

just one more oatmeal pie

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